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Hawkins / Beziehung

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2·2012


 

Beziehungen


 

 

Adam und Eva, ~1518
Lucas Cranach d. Ä. (1472-1553) deutscher Maler

 

KultCult

 


 

Übersicht: Verhalten in Beziehungen – BW-Werte nach D. Hawkins


Verliebtheit (nichtinteger) Liebe (integer)
Gegenüberstellung
von Verhaltensmustern
in Beziehungen
Von BW 145 plus/minus
Begierde
Bis BW 500 aufwärts
Liebe
Themen
je BW-Ebene
Leidenschaft – Anziehung (145)Liebe (500+)
Einfluss auf den Stand des BewusstseinsSenkendSteigernd
Betrifft dasEgoSelbstSELBSTGeist
Basiert aufDem animalischen InstinktDem spirituellen Seinszustand
Intention zu Besitzen, Erobern, Kontrollieren, HabenZusammen SEIN
Absicht zuKopulieren, Etwas zu bekommenVerbundenheit, Freude
KörperfunktionenBeeinträchtigt, VerlustVerbessert
HormonausschüttungEndokrine Drüsenstoffe, Adrenalin,
Geschlechtshormone
Endorphine
Gehirnphysiologische Aktivität inLinke GehirnhälfteRechte Gehirnhälfte, Ätherisches Gehirn
GefühlslageFrustration, BesorgnisDankbarkeit, Zufriedenheit
GefühlsqualitätRasend, Ängstlich, PeinigendSelbst-erfüllend
EmotionenAusschweifend, UnausgeglichenRuhig, Ausgeglichen
Intellektuelle FunktionNiederes Ego-mind – SchwärmerischHöheres Ego-mind – Realitätsbezogen
Mentale FähigkeitErschwerte RealitätsprüfungMoralisch aufrichtend
SelbstbildGrandiose EinstellungPositive Einstellung
Soziales ImageBeeinträchtigt, "Albern", "Wahnsinnig"Erweitert, Ausgedehnt
Dauer der BeziehungVorübergehendDauerhaft
StabilitätsfaktorAusweglosigkeitVerstärkung
PathologieSuizidgefährdung, Stalking, Verzweiflung,
[Wiki/Depression]]
Wohlergehen
ZustandSüchtig, AbhängigErfüllend, Zufrieden
UrteilsvermögenErschwertVerfeinert
Art der WahrnehmungÜbertrieben, VerherrlichendLeuchtend, durchscheinend
LeistungsfähigkeitZerrissenAusgedehnt
Reaktion auf Verlust Depression, Wut, Hass, SchuldzuweisungBedauern, Kummer, Trauer
Balance-
Vermögen
Sprunghaft, ÜberreiztBeständig
Inspiriert durch Quellen (engl./dt.) von David Hawkins
► Video Sedona Seminar Alignment, 16. April 2005
Erleuchtung ist möglich, Kapitel 14 Unterscheidungsdiagnose: Verliebtheit versus Liebe, S. 271-272, 2008
Transcending the Levels of Consciousness, chapter 14 Diagnostic Differential: Infatuation vs. Love, S. 249, 2006
Reference: ► Marnia Robinson, US American former corporate lawyer, researcher, author on ancient sacred-sex prescriptions, Karezza and Consciousness (Ongoing Wiki Project)

Entwicklungsstufen einer Paarbeziehung

Entwicklungsstufen der Mann-Frau-Beziehung
Der kanadische spirituelle Lehrer Satyen Raja, ein Schüler des Sexualpsychologen David Deida, der zusammen mit Ken Wilber einer der Mitbegründer des Integral Instituts ist, unterscheidet drei Entwicklungstufen (Kategorien) von Männern und Frauen und des jeweiligen Beziehungsausdrucks. 
***Kategorie***BewusstseinsstufeMannFrauHistorie
Ausdrucksform
Kat. I

Körper

Grobstofflich

Sex
Unter BW 200
KONSERVATIV
Der sprichwörtliche Machomann, der seine Begierden und sein Dominationsgebaren innerhalb des Machtgefälles auslebtDas Heimchen am Herd, die passive, nachgiebige, bedürftige Frau/Dienerin mit auf den Mann zugeschnittener Sozialisation; sie begnügt sich mit gebrochener Liebe.
Stichworte: Küche – Kinder – Kirche
Sterotypen bis in die 50er Jahre
Schwächen: Triebbe-
friedigung
, Druck und Bedürftigkeit
Kat. II

Gemüt

Subtil

Leidenschaft
Über BW 200
MODERN
Der typische Softie, der Frauenversteher, der seine weibliche Seite leben lernt, der sich weder vor Hausarbeit scheut noch vor der KinderziehungDie typische Emanze, das Mannweib, die streitbare Frau, die gelernt hat Grenzen zu setzen, indem sie ihre männliche Seite leben lernt, für ihren eigenen Lebensunterhalt sorgt; ihre Sozialisation ist zweiteilig auf beide Genderrollen ausgerichtet.
Stichworte: Heilige – Hure – Hexe
Entstand aus der Emanzipations-
bewegung der 60er Jahre
Schwächen: Erotizismus, Romantik, Sentimentalität,
Endlosdis-
kussionen, Schweigen
,
Verweichlichung und Verhärtung
Kat. III

Geist

Kausal

Hingabe
Ab BW 460
INTEGRALITÄT
Der spirituell orientierte Krieger mit innerer Mission und Lebensvision, die seine eigene Befriedigung bei Weitem übersteigt, tritt entschieden auf, ist stabil und gelassen, folgt ethisch-geistigen Prinzipien, sorgt für den äußeren RahmenDie spirituell orientierte Göttin öffnet sich dem Partner und den Intuitionen aus dem Göttlichen für beideEbenbürtige Spirituelle Partnerschaften in Gemeinschaft mit Gott kommen seit Ende der 90er zum Vorschein, werden jedoch auf gesellschaftlicher Ebene selten notiert.
Stärken: Geübte Liebe,
Verletzliche Demut und Anmut in Gott
Referenzen (engl./deutsch)
Audios mit Satyen Raja, präsentiert vom kanadischen Webradiosender News for the Soul, Vancouver, Gastgeberin Nicole Whitney, speziell: Sex, Passion and Enlightenment, gesendet 28. Juli 2005
David Deida deida.info (*1958) US American sex researcher and psychologist, teacher, author on men/woman relationships, Finding God Through Sex: Awakening the One of Spirit Through the Two of Flesh, Sounds True Inc., June 2005
David Deida deida.info (*1958) US American sex researcher and psychologist, teacher, author on men/woman relationships, DVD Function, Flow, & Glow. The Art of Sexual Yoga, Integral Institute, 1. September 2005
David Deida (*1958) US-amerikanischer Sexualpsychologe, unabhängiger Forscher, Lehrer, Autor zu Mann/Frau-Beziehungsthemen, Der Weg des wahren Mannes. Ein Leitfaden für Meisterschaft in Beziehungen, Beruf und Sexualität, J. Kamphausen Verlag, 12. Auflage 14. September 2006
► Audiointerview mit
Ken Wilber [BW 490] (*1949) US-amerikanischer Philosoph, Bewusstseinsforscher, Vordenker des 3. Jahrtausends, Sex in three bodies" [Sex in drei Körpern (grobstofflich – feinstofflich – kausal)], präsentiert von dem US-amerikanischen Multimedia-Verlag Sounds True, Insights at the Edge, Gastgeberin Tami Simon (*1963), Frühjahr 2006
Ken Wilber [BW 490] (*1949) US-amerikanischer Philosoph, Bewusstseinsforscher, Vordenker des 3. Jahrtausends, Eros, Kosmos, Logos. Sex(ualität) im Flachland – Tiefenpsychologie'', S. 552-558, Krüger Verlag, 1996
Siehe auch: ► Beziehungsebenen und Beziehungstipps

Sieben Phasen des Erwachens

Phase EinsRauschzustand
Phase ZweiRomantische Vertiefung
Phase DreiBeziehungskater
Phase VierErnüchterung
Phase FünfErwachen
Phase SechsDemut
Phase SiebenDienen
Quelle: ► Veit Lindau (*1969) deutscher Seminarleiter, Autor, Liebe. Über sieben Brücken musst du gehn, 7. Dezember 2010

Zitate zum Thema Beziehung/en / Relationships

Zitate von D. Hawkins

Persönliche Bekenntnisse zum Thema Liebe und Vertrautheit

  • Ich hatte ebenfalls eine nachhaltige Tragödie in meiner Famile erlebt und war ohne all das obendrein ziemlich deprimiert. [...] und der Verlust eines Familienmitglieds ist natürlich noch eine schwere Erschütterung im eigenen Leben. Die Zerrüttung einer langjährigen Ehe und der Familie auch. All das geschah zur gleichen Zeit. Äußere und innere Auslöser für Depression — genügend unbewusste Schuldgefühle, um ein Pferd zu töten. Office Serie – Farmingdale, New York, Seminar mit David R. Hawkins, M.D., Giving Up Illness and not Recognizing Death through A Course in Miracles, Veranstalter The Bridgebuilders, Coleman Graphics, 99 Milburn Blvd, Farmingdale, N.Y., Gastgeber Saul Steinberg, erster Verleger von EKiW, Dan McGrew, 3 CD-Set, 11. Juni 1983

 

  • Ich brauche nicht zu wissen, wohin ich gehen werde. Ich habe keine Ahnung, mit wem ich zusammen sein und mit wem ich leben werde. Ich habe keine Ahnung hinsichtlich meiner Liebesbeziehungen. Ich habe keine Ahnung, was ich meinerseits  tun werde. Ich habe keine Ahnung vom Geldfluss. Gegenwärtig habe ich kein Einkommen, so gut wie kein Einkommen. Office Serie – Farmingdale, New York, Seminar mit David R. Hawkins, M.D., Giving Up Illness and not Recognizing Death through A Course in Miracles, Veranstalter The Bridgebuilders, Coleman Graphics, 99 Milburn Blvd, Farmingdale, N.Y., Gastgeber Saul Steinberg, erster Verleger von EKiW, Dan McGrew, 3 CD-Set, 11. Juni 1983

 

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Indirekter Hinweis auf den Satz, den der Fuchs-Freund an den kleinen Prinzen richtet:

"Du bist zeitlebens für das verantwortlich, was du dir vertraut gemacht hast." Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) französischer Pilot, Schriftsteller, Der kleine Prinz, 1943

  • Das Leben wird die Entfaltung von nie endender Freundlichkeit und Liebe und Verantwortung. Mit meinem Vogel [ein afrikanischer Graupapagei] kommt Freude auf bei der Entdeckung einer gehaltvollen Beziehung, wobei er jemand für mich wird und ich jemand für ihn werde. Sedona Seminar Identification and Illusion, 3 DVD-Set, 14. August 2004

 

  • Persönliche Frage: War es Liebe auf den ersten Blick zwischen dir und Susan [seiner zweiten Ehefrau]?
    Antwort: Auf beiden Seiten – Ja. Es war eine Energie. Sedona Seminar Alignment, 3 DVD-Set, 16. April 2005

 

  • Wenn Mama nicht glücklich ist, ist keiner glücklich, ist die oft wiederholte Phrase des Hauspapageis 'Broccoli' im Haushalt der Hawkins. Audiointerview Alignment, präsentiert vom aufgelösten US-Webradiosender Beyond the Ordinary, Gastgeberinnen Nancy Lorenz und Elena Young, ~60 Minuten Dauer, Sendetermin 19. April 2005

 

Empfehlungen

  • Wenn du Beziehungsprobleme hast, sage: Mir ist es recht. Was immer dich glücklich macht, Schatz. Quelle unbekannt
⚠ Achtung Siehe Power vs. Truth (engl.) Januar 2013

  • Da "Beziehung" ein Konzept der dualistischen mentalen Beobachtung ist, gibt es in der Realität keine Beziehungen. Jedes Ding ist einfach und zeigt das Sein von Existenz. Das All-sehende Auge, S. 27, 2005

 


Wasser und Licht, 14. August 2008
  • Alle Beziehungen sind nur konventionelle, soziale Übereinkünfte und Vereinbarungen. Da sie keine unabhängige Wirklichkeit haben, können sie durch Änderung der Vereinbarungen gelöscht oder gestrichen werden. FU Das All-sehende Auge, S. 397, 2001

 

  • Das nächste Kernproblem ist die Schwierigkeit, emotional gefärbte Liebe loszulassen – nicht wegen der Liebe an sich, sondern wegen der Anhaftung auf das Geliebte. Wir glauben, dass der Verlust eines Liebesobjekts Kummer mit sich bringt, aber tatsächlich dreht sich der Kummer um die Anhaftung selbst, die daher rührt, dass man das Liebesobjekt  als die [äußere] Quelle des Glücks betrachtet. FU I. Reality and Subjectivity, S. 41, 2003

 

  • Wenn man dem strikten Weg der Negierung folgt, stellt sich tatsächlich die Leerheit an sich ein. Dies ergibt sich aus dem Irrtum, Lieben zu vermeiden infolge eines Missverständnisses der Liebe. Tatsächlich ist, der Liebe verhaftet zu sein, die Falle und das Hindernis zur Erleuchtung. In Wirklichkeit ist Liebe Freiheit, das Verhaftetsein an die Liebe ist eine Einschränkung. FU I. Reality and Subjectivity, S. 281, 2003

 

  • Die Umstände von Liebe und leidenschaftlicher Begierde werden häufig durcheinander gebracht, […] die unterscheidende Diagnose […] kann Beteiligten und Beobachtern häufig Rätsel aufgeben. […] Der Gegensatz besteht zwischen der Verstrickung als des kleinen Selbstes und der beiderseitigen Übereinstimmung mit dem SELBST, die bei beiden Beteiligten die höhere Absicht anzeigt, gemeinsam der Beziehung zu dienen statt nur die Wünsche und Begierden des eigenen Egos zu befriedigen. FU Erleuchtung ist möglich, sh. Hinweis auf die Tabelle Unterschiede zwischen Verliebtheit versus Liebe, S. 270, 2008

 

  • Versuchung, Verführung, Begehrtwerden und Begehrlichkeit sind allesamt Projektionen, die sich auf Erscheinung und Annahmen gründen. Sie stehen in Verbindung mit programmierten Fantasien, etwas zu gewinnen. Die Befriedigung, die aus den projizierten Werten gewonnen wird, macht die Welt der Illusionen aus. Das Glücksempfinden an sich ist unmittelbar mit der alles überstrahlenden Bewusstseinsebene verbunden, statt mit irgendwelchen äußeren Faktoren. FU Discovery of the Presence of God, S. 223, 2007

 

  • Geistige Liebe ist weder erotisch noch besitzergreifend. Man begegnet ihr bei vollentwickelten Liebespartnern und sieht sie als die starke Verbundenheit der platonischen Liebe, die etwa Schiffskameraden, Militäreinheiten oder Arbeitsgemeinschaften miteinander teilen. FU Reality, Spirituality and Modern Man, Kapitel 14, S. 288, 2008

 

(↓)

Siehe auch:

Motivational Quotes D. Hawkins, Bestmotivation.com

  • Du musst Recht haben, du musst Geld verdienen, du musst erfolgreich sein? Die Bedürftigkeit ist hierbei das Problem. Werde stattdessen zu dem, das jene Dinge anzieht. Sedona Seminar Identification and Illusion, 3 DVD-Set, 14. August 2004

 

  • Die Partner einer Beziehung bleiben nur zusammen, weil sie entwickelt sind — oder weil sie nicht entwickelt sind. Sedona Seminar Witnessing and Observing, 3 DVD-Set, 16. Oktober 2004

 


Ornamentmalereien, Speyerer Dom
gefertigt von Joseph Schwarzmann, ~1850
  • Die Menschen interagieren miteinander und sind miteinander beschäftigt, ohne jedoch aufeinander ausgerichtet zu sein. Es gibt zwei Arten der Ausrichtung, die ich als die horizontale und die vertikale Ausrichtung bezeichne. In Beziehungen ist man horizontal eingestellt; beide Partner sind mit dem Sonnengeflecht [Chakra] des anderen beschäftigt, wobei jeder darauf bedacht ist, Recht zu haben. In der vertikalen Ausrichtung, sind  beide Partner auf den Zweck der Beziehung ausgerichtet, nicht auf den Solar plexus des Anderen. Wenn der Zweck ist, einander Glück zu bescheren, so richten sich beide auf dieses Ziel aus. In einer horizontalen Ausrichtung hingegen wird emotionaler Zwang, moralische Erpressung, eingesetzt. Die Partner interagieren zwar, ohne ausgerichtet zu sein. Wenn ihr euch beide bemüht, einen besseren Garten zu gestalten, arbeitet ihr beide in dem Garten. Wenn du [der Mann] versuchst, einen besseren Garten als sie zu haben, dann bewegst du dich auf ihrem Feld und rupfst ihre Pflanzen aus. Die Menschen sterben lieber als das Recht-haben aufzugeben Das Ego ist ziemlich süchtig. Sedona Seminar Alignment, 3 DVD-Set, 16. April 2005

 

  • Frage: Ich bin spirituell gewachsen, was ich großartig finde. Ich bin jedoch einsam, da die Leute in meiner Umgebung nicht denselben Weg gehen. Meine langjährigen Beziehungen zerbrechen.
    Antwort: Du kannst sie weiterhin lieben. Oftmals ist einem spirituell Aspiranten die spirituelle Familie näher als nahe Familienangehörige und Freunde. Irgendwann wirst du sehen, dass alle Menschen liebenswert sind, obwohl sie deinen spirituellen Weg nicht teilen. Du kannst dennoch eine gute Beziehung mit ihnen haben. Sedona Satsang Q&A, Creative Life Center, 2 CD-Set, 13. September 2006

 

  • Sehr häufig ist der Zweck einer Beziehung, genau die Probleme zu lösen, die auftauchen. Die beiden Partner müssen nicht miteinander übereinstimmen oder auf derselben Bewusstseinsstufe stehen. Sedona Seminar Spiritual Practice and Daily Life, 3 DVD-Set, 21. Oktober 2006

 

  • Frage: Wie weiß man, wann die Zeit gekommen ist, eine Beziehung zu beenden?
    Antwort: Übergib' es Gott, sei einverstanden mit einem Ergebnis, ob es nun so oder so ausfällt. Sedona Satsang Q&A, Creative Life Center, 2 CD-Set, 8. November 2006

 

  • Es gibt keine Sicherheit in einer Beziehung! Sie ist ein ganzes Trainingsprogramm, das einem hilft, reifer zu werden. Sedona Seminar Is the Miraculous Real?, 3 DVD-Set, 9. Dezember 2006

 

  • Frage: Wie sehen vertikal ausgerichtete Beziehungen aus?
    Antwort: Viele Beziehungen neigen dazu, horizontal zu sein […] Dabei geht es um Kontrolle und Gewinnen-Verlieren […] horizontale Solar plexus-Interaktionen […] Schieben-Ziehen. Eine vertikal ausgerichtete Beziehung verläuft parallel. [findet auf der Herzchakra-Ebene statt.] Beide Partner sind auf dasselbe letztendliche Ziel ausgerichtet. Sie sind unentwegt ausgerichtet, ganz gleich, was sie tun. Sie brauchen sich nicht zu sorgen, ob der Andere ihnen vergeben wird! […] Es geht nicht um Aufrechnen und Punkte sammeln. Wenn sich beide Partner in dieselbe Richtung bewegen, sind sie automatisch aufeinander ausgerichtet. Beide sind auf Vergebung ausgerichtet und beide unterstützen einander auf dem spirituellen Weg. – Es geht nicht um Gewinnen-Verlieren. Wenn du gewinnst, hast du soeben verloren. Einander zu dienen, um die höchsten Bestimmung zu erfüllen – das enthebt einen aus den Machtkämpfen. Du kannst jähzornig veranlagt und überanstrengt sein, doch das verändert nicht deine Orientierung auf das Ziel. Sedona Seminar Is the Miraculous Real?, 3 DVD-Set, 9. Dezember 2006

 

  • Beziehungen durchlaufen Phasen. Sie reifen. Die Partner reifen mit unterschiedlichem Tempo. Viele Leute betrachten Leidenschaft lediglich als Bedürftigkeit, als hormonelles Problem. Wenn die hormonellen Schübe sich verflüchtigen, könnte man tatsächlich friedlich miteinander fernsehen! Sedona Satsang Q&A, 2 CD-Set, 10. Januar 2007

 

  • Frage: Ich habe vor Kurzem entdeckt, dass ich immer wieder die gleiche Beziehung in meinem Leben habe.
    Antwort: Halte nach dem Motiv Ausschau. Finde heraus, um welches Verhaltensmuster es sich handelt. Was benötigst du als Erkenntnis daraus. Handelt es sich um zerstörerische Beziehungen?
    Erwiderung des Fragestellers: Ja, sie wachsen nicht. Sie sind nicht schöpferisch.
    Antwort: Junge, du projizierst eine Menge Anforderungen auf eine Beziehung. Muss sie schöpferisch sein? Muss sie wachsen? Wenn du die innewohnende Realität von Allem erkennst, wirst du sehen, dass alle Dinge vollkommen sind. Ein Mensch schenkt dir einen Blick der vertrauensvollen Liebe – es gibt nichts Größeres im Universum. Sedona Seminar God vs. Science. Limits of the Mind, 3 DVD-Set, 17. Februar 2007

Quotes by D. Hawkins

Personal avowals

(↓)

Handling love sickness – 'Letting go resisting to a stack of unconscious emotions'

  • For 12 days I did nothing but stop resisting a certain belief system. Eventually, I was in the clear of the pain of loss. Oh yes, that was pain of loss of love. The loss of love, of course, recurs throughout many a lifetime, so it was a very major stack. I really didn’t know how I was going to survive it. But I just lay on the couch and let go, surrendering to it. It ran quite awhile and then suddenly I was free of it. Very suddenly! The agony of irrevocable, terrible loss of love was probably the worst, and it ran day after day after day. […] [T]he stack is the collective accumulation of a certain energy over time, and the associated belief system with it. So, yes, the worst one that ever ran for me was the loss of love. Interview Healing and Recovery, health magazine Unified Health!, presented by health magazine Unified Health!, Matt Laughlin, Vol 5, issue 14, pg. 20, winter 2009

 

 

(↓)

Love and intimacy related sharing

Answer to personal questions

  • I'd also had a severe tragedy in my family life and was quite depressed on top of all of that. Who wouldn't be with all those ailments anyway [laughter] and a loss of a family member is of course another severe disruption in one's life. The disruption of the family and a marriage of many years also. So all this was happening at the same time. External causes for depression; internal causes – enough unconscious guilt to kill a horse. Office Series – Farmingdale, New York, Seminar Giving Up Illness through A Course in Miracles, sponsored by The Bridgebuilders, hosts Saul Steinberg, first publisher of ACIM, Dan McGrew, 3 CD set, 11. June 1983

 

(↓)

Note:

The pet parrot 'Broccoli' keeps repeating this very phrase in Hawkins' household.

  • If Mama ain't happy, nobody is happy.
    Audio interview Alignment, presented by suspended US American web radio station Beyond the Ordinary, hosts Nancy Lorenz and Elena Young, ~60 minutes duration, aired 19. April 2005

 

(↓)

The fox asks to be tamed.

Antoine de St. Exupéry, The Little Prince, chapter 21 The Little Prince and the Fox, first issued 1943

  • Life becomes the unfolding of endless kindness and love and responsibility. With my bird [African grey], there's a joy in discovering a meaningful relationship where it becomes someone for me, and I become someone for it.
    Sedona Seminar Identification and Illusion, 3 DVD set, 14. August 2004

 

(↓)

David and Susan [his second wife] – connecting

  • Personal Question: Was it love at first sight between you and Susan?
    Answer by both: Yes. It was an energy. Sedona Seminar Alignment, 3 DVD set, 16. April 2005
⚠ Caveat See Power vs. Truth, January 2013

(↓)

Grieving, attachment, and letting go of emotional love

  • The next core problem is the difficulty of letting go of emotional love – not because of the love itself but because of the attachment to that which is loved. We think that the loss of a love object brings grief, but actually, the grief is about the loss of the attachment itself, which is due to viewing the object of love as the source of happiness. I. Reality and Subjectivity, S. 41, 2003

 

(↓)

Pure love is freedom. Attachment to love is a limitation.

  • When one follows the strict pathway of negation, the state of Void as such does indeed present itself. This results from the error of avoiding love due to the misunderstanding of love. The attachment to love is really the trap and the barrier to enlightenment. In Reality, love is freedom, but attachment to love is a limitation. I. Reality and Subjectivity, S. 281, 2003

 

(↓)

Reference to:

Diagnostic Chart of International Relationships

 

(↓)

Allures

  • Temptation, seduction, desirability, and allure are all projections having to do with appearance and presumptions. These are associated with programmed fantasies of gain. Satisfaction of projected values constitutes the world of illusion. Happiness itself is directly correlated with the overall level of consciousness rather than with any external factors. Discovery of the Presence of God. Devotional Nonduality, S. 223, 2007

 

(↓)

Mature lovemates

  • Spiritual love is neither erotic nor possessive and is seen in mature lovemates and in the platonic love of the strong bonds that are formed by shipmates, for example, or military units, or teams. Reality, Spirituality and Modern Man, chapter 14, S. 288, 2008

 

  • Question: Is it possible for people of different calibrations to be married peacefully?
    Answer: Yes. There is a higher purpose to every relationship. What appears on the outside as a mismatch may be just exactly what the two people need. […] As the Course says, "Everyone is our teacher." When that teaching has reached its conclusion the relationship may disappear. Why? Because it has served its purpose and is no longer suitable for that state of spiritual evolution of one or the other or both parties. A lot of relationships come together as an agreement, which people have forgotten about. […]
    People get involved with each other but very rarely aligned. What makes relationship work is not involvement.  Involvement is a dime a dozen […] which is a solar plexus kind of possessive exclusivity. To make relationship work is to be aligned with the good and the welfare and the happiness of the other person. If both people are aligned with the relationship then it can withstand almost anything. So long as you are aligned with each other it will survive any travail. If you're merely involved with each other you can get divorced over chocolate versus vanilla. Audio interview Q&A with D. Hawkins, MP3, part 3 of 3, presented by ACIM Miracles Center, Sedona AZ, parent directory of audio files, host H. David Fishman, 30 minutes of 90 minutes, last question at the very end, aired 6. February 2005

 

(↓)

Tolerance and respect

  • If we're aligned with the freedom of other people to be who they are, then we stop bullying them with moral superiority and a do-gooderism of people who want to restrict the freedom of others so that their pet positionalities can be forced on others. Sedona Seminar Integration of Spirituality and Personal Life, CD 4 of 4, Poco Diablo Resort, February 2003

 

(↓)

Consummate relationship

  • A successful relationship is one that brings you joy, contentment, a feeling of security. If the relationship is working you feel emotionally safe with the other person. Emotionally safe. What does that mean? It means you can reveal your downside and the other person will help you overcome it. Recontectualize it for them. So one of the greatest gifts we give each other is we recontextualize it back to the other person.
    It's our love for each other that brings about peace. Our love for each other and our love for our own existence. You see? Because you cannot love God and hate your own existence. Unless you glory in your own existence, you cannot Glory in the Presence of God because the evidence of God is the subjective awareness of your own existence and that is the source of joy. And so out of love for others and your alignment in the relationship, you experience the joy of your own existence. Just as I enjoy being what I am to Thee, this day. Sedona Seminar Integration of Spirituality and Personal Life, CD 4 of 4, Poco Diablo Resort, February 2003

 

(↓)

Neediness

 

(↓)

Relationships mirror and enhance growth.

  • People only stay together in relationships because they’re evolved — or because they’re not evolved. Sedona Seminar Witnessing and Observing, 3 DVD set, 16. October 2004

 

(↓)

Dr. Hawkins' policy is not to calibrate questions of a personal nature, in order not to interfere with karmic constellations.

  • Question: Is it in the highest good for me to continue dating a certain person?
    Answer: You may be undoing bad karma. […] We don’t calibrate personal questions. I don’t want to rob you of the karmic benefit of making the choice yourself.
    Sedona Seminar The Ego and The Self, 3 DVD set, 11. December 2004 – How Can I Improve The World?, YouTube film, minute 2:10, 3:50 minutes duration, posted by SpiritualBuzz 3. June 2012

 

(↓)

Transitory relationships are part of the spiritual path.

  • Ask [the potential partner]: What do you value? And to what degree does this fulfill what you [yourself] value? And it sort of becomes obvious [whether you and the other person are matching].
    A lot of relationships are transitory, and they are actually meant to be that way. [...] As we evolve we go through sometimes a number of relationships. Each time you learn something valuable that you couldn't have learned without [them]. And as the Course in Miracles says, "Everyone is our teacher", so even if it [the relationship] is a desaster, it serves some purpose. Sedona Seminar The Ego and The Self, 3 DVD set, 11. December 2004 – How Can I Improve The World?, YouTube film, minute 3:00, 3:50 minutes duration, posted by SpiritualBuzz 3. June 2012

 

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Involved relationships vs. aligned relationships

  • People interact and are involved with each other, but they're not aligned with each other. There are two kinds of alignment, which I call horizontal and vertical. In relationships, you're horizontal; they’re involved with each other's solar plexus, each looking to be right. In vertical alignment, you’re both aligned with the goal of the relationship, not with each other's solar plexus. If the goal is to make each other happy, they’re both aligned with that goal. In horizontal, they’re using emotional force, moral blackmail. They’re interacting, not aligned. If you’re both trying to make a better garden, you’re both working on the garden. If you're trying to have a better garden than hers, then you're over there pulling up her plants. People would rather die than give up being right. The ego is quite addictive. Sedona Seminar Alignment, 3 DVD set, 16. April 2005

 

  • In a successful business or institution or family or relationship, you’re all in alignment with intention.
    1. First, you tell the truth.
    2. Then you accept things as they are.
    3. Then comes reasonableness.
    4. Then love.
Relationship can be a model for moving from 200 to Love. It’s a mutuality where you are aligned with each other vertically, based on who you are. Winning is not relevant. Sedona Seminar Alignment, 3 DVD set, 16. April 2005

 

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"And then what?" experience

  • Ask "And then what?" If you are disturbed, directly inquire, "and then what?" and surrender each thing that comes up.
    1. "She didn’t call." "And then what?"
    2. "She doesn’t like me." "And then what?"
    3. "I’m no good." "And then what?"
    4. "I’ll die."
Sedona Seminar Alignment, 3 DVD set, 16. April 2005

 

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Spiritual companions mean more to aspirants than their family members and relations.

  • Question: I have grown spiritually, which is great, but I am lonely since the people around me are not on the same path. My long term relationships are falling apart.
    Answer: You can still love them. Often a spiritual seeker's spiritual family becomes closer than immediate family and friends. At some point you will see that everybody is lovable although they don't share your spiritual path. You can still have a good relationship with them. Sedona Satsang Q&A, Creative Life Center, 2 CD set, 13. September 2006

 

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Partners do not have to be concordant or at the same consciousness level.

  • Very often the purpose of a relationship is to resolve the very issues that arise. The two people don't have to be concordant or at the same level of consciousness. Sedona Seminar Spiritual Practice and Daily Life, 3 DVD set, 21. October 2006

 

  • Question: How do you know when it is time to move on from a relationship?
    Answer: Surrender it to God, be OK with either outcome. Sedona Satsang Q&A, Creative Life Center, 2 CD-Set, 8. November 2006

 

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Relationships do not provide certainty, but are a means to mature.

  • Question: Is it in the highest good to end my marriage?
    Answer: We are not allowed to ask that question. [No permission was received to muscle test this question.] Very often on personal things I get a NO because it interferes with the person’s karma. When talking about relationships, there is no certainty in a relationship! It's a whole training program. It helps you mature. Sedona Seminar Is the Miraculous Real?, 3 DVD set, 9. December 2006

 

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Vertically aligned relationships

No power struggles, no win-lose arrangement

  • Question: How about vertically aligned relationships?
    Answer: Many relationships tend to be horizontal […] about control and win-lose […] solar plexus horizontal […] push-pull. A vertically aligned relationship [comes from the heart is parallel. Both partners are aligned with the same ultimate goal. You are always aligned no matter what you do. You don't have to worry whether the other forgives you! You are both aligned! It is not about record-keeping and score-keeping. If you are both aligned in the same direction, you are automatically aligned. You are both aligned with forgiveness and supporting each others' spirituality. It's not win-lose – if you win, you just lost. To serve each other's highest purpose – that gets you out of power struggles. You can be short-tempered and strained, but that doesn't change your goals! Sedona Seminar Is the Miraculous Real?, 3 DVD set, 9. December 2006

 

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Marriage passing through changes

  • Question: 22 years ago I got married. We had children. It was spicy and passionate, and there were conflicts and the 'juice' of that. Today I have more love for my spouse than before, but it is no longer a special love. She is upset that I don’t engage with her like before. I love everyone.
    Answer: Relationships go through phases. They mature. People mature at different rates. A lot of people consider passion, just as neediness, a hormonal problem! If the hormones came down, you could actually just peacefully watch TV together! You were in fragments before, now you are more complete and it would be OK, if she left. Sedona Satsang Q&A, 2 CD set, 10. January 2007

 

  • Question: I have recently identified the same relationship over and over again in my life.
    Answer: Look for the motive. Look to see what the pattern is; what do you need to see about it. Are they destructive relationships?
    Questioner's reply: Yes, they are nothing that grows. They are not creative.
    Answer: Boy, you are projecting a lot of requirements on relationship! It's got to be creative? It's got to grow? If you see the intrinsic reality of everything, you will see each thing is perfect. A person gives you a glance of trusting love – there is nothing more in the universe. What more is there in a relationship! Sedona Seminar God vs. Science. Limits of the Mind, 3 DVD set, 17. February 2007

 

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Socializing is a counter measure to addiction.

  • Having people around counters our tendency to isolate and withdraw. Many of us addicts have a hard time with intimacy and relating to people. We lack people skills because we have never really learned to respect ourselves and others and be present. This is a very rewarding and powerful tool. We should make the effort to get out and meet people and talk to them. Let down the defenses and try to connect. The world opens up this way. Other people keep us in line and help to socialize us. They give us cues about what is appropriate and the more skillful and aware you become in this realm, the more you are able to weed out other people's and your own garbage. Relating to people at any level is helpful. It's an art and a skill and an enormous challenge to those of us that are socially awkward or lack practice, but an enormous boon. Plus, we are never going to have a fulfilling partnership with the opposite sex without this. If we want to be functional and integrated people, learning to get along with other people is essential. The cornerstone to mental health relies on manners and how you relate to other people. [...] Ironically, addicts are self-absorbed. Get out of this trap by reaching to people in genuine ways. Sedona Seminar What is Real?, 3 DVD set, 16. June 2007

 

  • 'Soulmate' is a romantic notion. (Resist! Calibrated as true.)
    It is not a spiritual reality. (Calibrated as true.)
    It can be a spiritual reality. It's an elective spiritual reality. (Calibrated as true.) Long Beach, California, Seminar The Clear Pathway to Enlightenment, 3 DVD set, 8. March 2008 – What Is A Soulmate?, Youtube film, minute 0:50, 1:17 minutes duration, posted by SpiritualBuzz 18. May 2012

Zitate von anderen Quellen

Und Gott sprach: Es ist nicht gut, dass der Mensch allein sei; ich will ihm eine Gehilfin machen, die um ihn sei. 1. Moses 2, 18 (AT)

 

Zweisamkeit ist besser als Einsamkeit. Kohelet (Prediger Salomo) 4, 9-11 (AT)

 

Wahrlich, ich sage euch: Was irgend ihr auf der Erde binden werdet, wird im Himmel gebunden sein, und was irgend ihr auf der Erde lösen werdet, wird im Himmel gelöst sein. Matthäus 18, 18 (NT)

 

Einsichten

  • Was erhält die Ehe und was ist sie? Allein die Erkenntnis der Herzen, das ist ihr Anfang und Ende. Philipus Aureolus Paracelsus Philippus Theophrastus Aureolus Bombast von Hohenheim (1493-1541) Schweizer Arzt, Mystiker, Alchemist, Astrologe, Philosoph, Laientheologe

 

  • Drei sind die Sphären, in denen sich die Welt der Beziehung baut:
I. Die erste: das Leben mit der Natur,
darin die Beziehung an der Schwelle der Sprache haftet.
II. Die zweite: das Leben mit den Menschen,
darin sie sprachgestaltig wird.
III. Die dritte: das Leben mit den geistigen Wesenheiten,
darin sie sprachlos, aber sprachzeugend sind.
In jeder Sphäre, in jedem Beziehungsakt, durch jedes uns gegenwärtig Werdende blicken wir an den Saum des ewigen Du hin, aus jedem vernehmen wir ein Wehen von ihm, in jedem Du reden wir das Ewige an, in jeder Sphäre nach ihrer Weise. Alle Sphären sind in ihm beschlossen, es in keiner.
Durch alle strahlt die eine Gegenwart. Martin Buber [BW 530] (1878-1965) österreichisch-jüdischer Religionsforscher und -philosoph, Das dialogische Prinzip. Ich und Du. Zwiesprache. Die Frage an den Einzelnen. Elemente des Zwischenmenschlichen. Zur Geschichte des dialogischen Prinzips, Auszüge, Verlag Lambert Schneider, Heidelberg, 1923, Gütersloher Verlagshaus, Heidelberg, 4. September 2001, 10. Auflage 2006

 


Seeigel
  • Liebe ist schwer. Liebhaben von Mensch zu Mensch, das ist vielleicht das Schwerste, was uns aufgegeben ist, das Äußerste, die letzte Probe und Prüfung, die Arbeit, für die alle andere Arbeit nur Vorbereitung ist. Rainer Maria Rilke (1875-1926) böhmisch-österreichischer Dichter, Lyriker, Briefe an einen jungen Dichter, An Franz Xaver Kappus, Rom, Italien, 14. Mai 1904, (1903-1908), veröffentlicht 1929

 

  • Die erste energetische Beziehungsarbeit ist, anzuerkennen, dass jeder seine Gefühle selbst macht – auch die, von denen er oder sie allzu gern annimmt, sie seien ihm oder ihr 'von außen' hervorgerufen. Michael Lukas Moeller (1937-2002) deutscher Professor für Seelische Gesundheit (1973-1983), Psychoanalytiker, Paartherapeut, Autor, Die Wahrheit beginnt zu zweit. Das Paar im Gespräch, S. 210, Rowohlt Sachbuch, Erstauflage 1988, 26. Auflage Januar 1997, 29. Auflage Februar 2008, 31. Auflage 2010

 

  • Liebe besteht in der aktiven Hingabe an das Du, das heißt auch in der Mitteilung an das Du. Wer sich dabei von Bedürfnissen nach harmonischer Ergänzung leiten lässt, verbirgt die interessantesten und aufwühlendsten Seiten der eigenen Persönlichkeit. Zwei Liebende sollten davon ausgehen, dass sie sich in keinem Punkte ergänzen und trotzdem lieben. Praktisch stimmt dies auch, denn die tatsächlichen Ergänzungen zweier Liebenden befinden sich in solcher Tiefe der Persönlichkeiten, dass sie nie ganz eingesehen werden können, sicher nicht in den ersten Jahren einer Beziehung. Der Ergänzungsdruck verhindert nicht nur die gegenseitige Mitteilung, sondern auch die Selbstverwirklichung jedes einzelnen innerhalb der Beziehung. Peter Schellenbaum (*1939) Schweizer Psychoanalytiker, Sachbuchautor, Das Nein in der Liebe. Abgrenzung und Hingabe in der erotischen Beziehung, S. 26, Kreuz Verlag, Stuttgart, 5. Auflage August 1992, Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag, 1. Februar 1993

 

  • Solange zwei Menschen, die sich lieben, aus dem Bewusstsein leben, wie weit oder wenig weit jeder von beiden durch die Beziehung schon gekommen ist, ist Lüge da. Noch fehlt der Kontakt zum Anderen, der einfach anders ist. Sie wollen einander "integrieren" und unterdrücken die wesentliche Sehnsucht.
    Erst wenn wir uns in schweigsamer Tiefe begegnen, wo jeder anders und fremd ist, geschieht Leitbildspiegelung nicht mehr in einer überschaubaren Bilderfolge, sondern in der unstillbaren Sehnsucht zwischen den gespiegelten Bildern. Peter Schellenbaum (*1939) Schweizer Psychoanalytiker, Sachbuchautor, Die Wunde Ungeliebten. Blockierung und Verlebendigung der Liebe, Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag, Neuauflage 1. September 1992

 

  • Wer sich zu gut ist, böse zu sein, zerstört die Beziehung. Gespräche mit Bert Hellinger (*1925) deutscher Familientherapeut nach abgewandelter systemischer Familienaufstellung, ehemals Ordensmitglied der Kongregation der Mariannhiller Missionare, Leiter einer südafrikanischen Missionsschule, Autor, Anerkennen, was ist, Interviewerin Gabriele ten Hövel, deutsche Journalistin, Kapitelüberschrift, Kösel Verlag, 14. Auflage 27. Februar 1996

Quotes by various other sources

Personal avowals

  • I don’t know about love. I’ve had many, what I thought were, loving relationships, but they turned out to be judgmental. So I don’t know what love really means. Shirley MacLaine (*1934) US American film and theater actress, singer, dancer, activist, author, cited in: The battle of Shirley MacLaine's knee, presented by Times online, Kevin Maher, 20. December 2007

 

Appeal

  • A woman should never invest in a relationship she wouldn't want her daughter in, nor allow any man to treat her in a way her son would get scolded for. Charles J. Orlando, US American relationship and interpersonal relations expert, author, source unknown

 

Recommendations

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Frantically kissing frogs is a waste of time.

  • You're not responsible for finding the one who is compatible with you. Grace brings this one. Perfect timing. You don't have to waste any time kissing frogs. Enough frogs. Frogs are okay, but no need to kiss them. Video satsang with Mooji (*1954) Jamaican satsang teacher, lineage holder of Indian guru Poonjaji [LoC 370/520], Intention, Want, & Desire, excerpted from the DVD "Rumi, Sausage and Chips", recorded 5. February 2010, Tiruvannamalai, India, YouTube film, minute 3:03 and minute 4:37, 10:36 minutes duration, posted 20 June 2010

 

Insights

  • Our secrets definitely keep us addicted, which is probably why there are online sites where people can divest themselves of their secrets, anonymously. But because shame happens between people, there is no substitute for telling on ourselves, so to speak, to someone else and making ourselves vulnerable. Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by the US American liberal-oriented online newspaper The Huffington Post, 21. February 2011

 

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Gendersplitting happens at age 5-7 with boys, at age 11-12 with girls.

 

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Marriage

  • God wants to kill you. Not the physical you, but the selfish you. [...] if there was ever an institution designed to kill the selfish you, it’s marriage. In fact, it is virtually impossible to succeed at marriage if you don’t learn how to let the selfish part of you die. Mark Gungor, US American pastor, comedian, marriage counselor, international speaker, Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage

 

  • This holy relationship, lovely in its innocence, mighty in strength, and blazing with a light far brighter than the sun that lights the sky you see, is chosen of your Father as a means for His Own plan.   A Course in Miracles textbook [LoC 550], Foundation for Inner Peace, chapter 22.VI.4, 1976, rev. 1996

 

  • When two people relate to each other authentically and humanly, God is the electricity that surges between them. Martin Buber [LoC 530] (1878-1965) Austrian-born Jewish religious researcher and philosopher, author, source unknown

 


High Line NYC – Marriage Proposal, 2013
  • The primary word I-Thou can be spoken only with the whole being. Concentration and fusion into the whole being can never take place through my agency, not can it ever take place without me. I become through my relation to the Thou; and as I become the I, I say Thou. All real living is meeting. Martin Buber [LoC 530] (1878-1965) Austrian-born Jewish religious researcher and philosopher, author, source unknown

 

  • The narrow ridge is the meeting place of the We. This is where man can meet man in community. And only men who are capable of truly saying 'Thou' to one another can truly say 'We' with one another.' If each guards the narrow ridge within himself and keeps it intact, this meeting can take place. Martin Buber [LoC 530] (1878-1965) Austrian-born Jewish religious researcher and philosopher, author, source unknown

 

  • The most important part of life is the relationship with others. The analogy of the chrysalis and the butterfly teaches us to meet others and to hold our ground when we meet them. And I think the important, the essential, word there is 'teaches'. It takes a lifetime to learn how to be able to hold your own ground, to go out to the others, to be open to them without losing your ground. And to hold your ground without shutting others out. Martin Buber [LoC 530] (1878-1965) Austrian-born Jewish religious researcher and philosopher, author, source unknown

 

 

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Conditional regular love and unconditional authentic love

  • The difference between regular love as we tend to practice it in physical life we tend to place conditions, we tend to have actual contracts like marital contracts, and we expect people to stand by the contracts whether they feel love for us or not. Unconditional love is when you love somebody enough that what you want but them is for them to have what they want for themselves. And if what they want for themselves is not quite what do you want in the relationship unconditional love for yourself allows you to leave the relationship. And if that person doesn't want to lose you, if they love you and want to give you what you want, they will stay in the relationship but it will be a much more real relationship then a conditional one where two people are doing it out of obligation. Video interview Anita Moorjani, Indian-Singaporian neardeather, spontaneously healed from terminal cancer, speaker, author, Secret to a romantic relationship, presented by webTV Juicy Living Tour, host Lilou Macé, French-American Internet video blogger, author, Hong Kong, YouTube film, minute 1:25-2:21, 3:19 minutes duration, posted 15. September 2012

 

  • Question – Mary Hynes, host: Is marriage a particularly fertile place for dark nights of the soul to come about?
    Answer – Thomas Moore: Marriage is a great mystery. [...] It is mysterious how you meet the person, what attracted one person to the other. [...] After you have lived together for a while it gets even worse, more entangled. Marriage is a great example of the life of a soul. [...] When you marry someone else you are really getting linked up with their soul which is largely unconscious to them. [...] The marriage often contradicts your conscious desires and wishes for it. [...] You got into something that is full of soul and heart. [...] The families are very much part of the married, the families get married, too. [...] It is an illusion that is only about two people trying to be compatible. [...] You may not be compatible at all, but still you want to be together. Audio interview with Thomas Moore, Ph.D. careofthesoul.net, US American professor of religious studies, Catholic monk, psychotherapist, musician, writer, Marrying God. Diary of a Poet-Priest, Dark Nights of the Soul, presented by the Canadian CBC Radio Tapestry, host Mary Hynes, Canadian journalist, minutes 21:26-26:22, aired 24. July 2005

 

  • People have to suffer enough in a relationship that they get disillusioned with all relationships. Video lecture by Anthony de Mello SJ (1931-1987) Indian Catholic Jesuit priest, psychotherapist, spiritual leader, Wake Up to Life! – Awareness – On psychology, part 5, presented by Center for Spiritual Exchange and Tabor Publishing, 1986, YouTube film, 7:34 minutes duration, posted 25. November 2008

 

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The hierarchical relationship between teacher and student

The heterarchical relationship between coach and coachee

  • The hierarchical relationship becomes a disservice not only to the student who gets taken advantage of, but actually it becomes a disservice to the teacher because their possibility to evolve personally, to their possilbilty to learn from life to become a better vehicle of love actually gets shut down.
    The [humility and shadow work of a teacher who failed] is bypassed when we have this pedestal thing going on. This is where the democratization from a teacher/student relationship to a coaching relationship is such a relief and such an evolutionary invitation for everyone. Skype video interview with Arjuna Ardagh [LoC 455] (*1957) British US American awakening coach, author, Arjuna Ardagh: Experiences with Osho – Poonjaji, MP3, presented by Buddha at the Gas Tank. Interviews with "ordinary" spiritually awakened people, host Rick Archer, aired 3. November 2012, minute 1:42:40, 1:48:30 duration, posted 11. November 2012

 


Hindu bride during traditional wedding ceremony
  • Women read 90% of all the relationship books that are published and initiate about 70% of divorces and breakups. On the other side men suffer much more when they are left financially and emotionally and if they are in a relationship benefit from being in the relationship more, but frequently care less about what makes love work. So I figured it helps both sexes the most if men get more educated about relationships because it takes two people to cocreate a relationship but only one person to end it. Martin Ucik, German general manager, entrepreneur, integral relationship evolutionary, author, Allan Combs and Martin Ucik talk about Martin's book, "Integral Relationships, a Manual for Men", YouTube film, minute 1:30, 4:47 minutes duration, posted 15. August 2011

 

  • The only real security in a relationship lies neither in looking back in nostalgia, nor forward in dread or anticipation, but living in the present relationship and accepting it as it is now. Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906-2001) pioneering US American aviator, spouse of fellow aviator Charles Lindbergh [Influence LoC 395], author, source unknown

 

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Self-expansion via one's partner

  • We enter relationships because the other person becomes part of ourselves, and that expands us. That’s why people who fall in love stay up all night talking and it feels really exciting. We think couples can get some of that back by doing challenging and exciting things together. Arthur Aron, US American psychologist, relationship researcher, social neuroscientist, Stony Brook University, cited in: The Science of a Happy Marriage, presented by the US American daily newspaper The New York Times, Tara Parker-Pope, 10. May 2010

 

  • A perfect relationship, I think, is one that delivers the lessons we have chosen to learn. Likely it won't always meet our definition of "bliss." Likely it will include the toughest, most difficult lessons two people can teach other, lessons they would never abide from any other soul. But we humans are brilliant at choosing, with unerring precision, exactly the partners we need to learn what we must. Richard Bach (*1936) US American writer, personal website

 

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See also:

Betty Friedan's The Feminine Mystique (1963) made the term "sexism" known to the public debate and as a consequence issued laws to strenghten women's position in society

 


Steintafel mit Taube und Ölzweig, Domitilla-Katakomben, Rom, Italien
  • Do not accuse each other of being unconscious. The moment you start to argue, you have identified with a mental position and are now defending not only that position but also your sense of self. The ego is in charge. You have become unconscious. At times, it may be appropriate to point out certain aspects of your partner's behavior. If you are very alert, very present, you can do so without ego involvement – without blaming, accusing, or making the other wrong.
    When your partner behaves unconsciously, relinquish all judgement. Judgement is either to confuse someone's unconscious behavior with who they are or project your own unconsciousness onto another person and mistake that for who they are. To relinquish judgement does not mean that you do not recognize dysfunction and unconsciousness when you see it. It means "being in the knowing" rather than "being the reaction" and the judge. You will then either be totally free of reaction or you may react and still be the knowing, the space in which the reaction is watched and allowed to be. Instead of fighting the darkness, you bring in the light. Instead of reacting to delusion, you see the delusion yet at the same time look through it. Being the knowing creates a clear space of loving presence that allows all things and people to be as they are. No greater catalyst for transformation exists. If you practice this, your partner cannot stay with you and remain unconscious.
    If you both agree that the relationship will be your spiritual practice [...] Learn to give expression to what you feel without blaming. Eckhart Tolle [LoC 525⇒240] (*1948) German-born Canadian teacher on spirituality, bestselling author, The Power of Now. A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment [LoC 545-565], chapter 8 "Enlightened Relationships," S. 133, Namaste Publishing, 1997, New World Library, 1999

 

  • So it is perfectly possible for an enlightened person, if the need for male or female polarity is not met, to feel a sense of lack or incompleteness. Eckhart Tolle [LoC 525⇒240] (*1948) German-born Canadian teacher on spirituality, bestselling author, The Power of Now. A Guide to Spiritual Enlightenment [LoC 545-565], chapter 8 "Enlightened Relationships," S. 144, Namaste Publishing, 1997, New World Library, 1999

 

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Michelangelo effect

Literary and movie quotes

Quoted from the movie My Dinner With André, 1981

 

  • ANDRÉ GREGORY: There are some pretty good reasons for being frightened, because first of all a human being is a dangerous and complex creature. I mean, really, if you start living each moment – Christ, that's quite a challenge. I mean, if you really reach out and you're really in touch with the other person – well, that really is something to strive for. US American movie My Dinner with Andre, transcript, produced by Janus Films, 1981, YouTube film, 1:51:47 duration, posted 3. April 2017

 

  • ANDRÉ GREGORY: I think that's why people have affairs. [...] It's a good feeling. But then that feeling goes very quickly. [...] Well, have an affair and up to a certain point you can really feel you're on firm ground. There is a sexual conquest to be made. There are different questions: does she enjoy the ears being nibbled? how intensely can you talk about Schopenhauer at an elegant French restaurant, or whatever nonsense it is. It's all I think to give you the semblance that there's firm earth. But have a real relationship with a person that goes on for years – well, that's completely unpredictable. Then, you've cut off all your ties to the land, and you're sailing into the unknown, into uncharted seas. US American movie My Dinner with Andre, transcript, produced by Janus Films, 1981, YouTube film, 1:51:47 duration, posted 3. April 2017

 

 

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Declaration of love

Movie Groundhog Day – Main character Phil's declares his love to Rita.

  • What I wanted to say was I think you're the kindest, sweetest, prettiest person I've ever met in my life. I've never seen anyone that's nicer to people than you are. The first time I saw you something happened to me. I never told you, but I knew that I wanted to hold you as hard as I could. I don't deserve someone like you. But if I ever could I swear I would love you for the rest of my life. Movie Groundhog Day Romance, YouTube film, 1:58 minutes duration, posted 4. June 2007

Quotes by Frederick Philip Lenz [Rama]

(↓)

Bonding power

  • You see two people together. They're in a relationship. It's really power that holds those people together. And when the designs of power change, those people will separate and there's nothing they can do in the meantime about it. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

 

  • Reciprocity, a symbiotic relationship, is a relationship in which two people have worked out certain terms. I am using you in certain ways; you are using me in certain ways. That is a balanced relationship. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

 

  • An imbalanced association is when one or both parties become abusive and takes unfair advantage, try to block another's enlightenment or success. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher

 

  • Let us say that you wanted a romantic partner who is in a higher state of mind, a nicer person. The reason you will meet that person is because you are in a state of mind that will cause that meeting to occur. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher

 

(↓)

Soul mates

  • In the classical spiritual definition, a soul mate is someone that you have reincarnated with many times. You find each other in many lifetimes. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

 

  • You and I might define a 'soul mate' differently. For most people, a soul mate has some kind of a sexual connotation. But in the classical spiritual definition, a soul mate is someone that you have reincarnated with many times. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

 

  • A soul mate is not necessarily someone with whom you set up housekeeping. Your soul and their soul have a multi incarnation attraction. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

 

(↓)

Attached dependency

 

  • Love has very little to do with a person. It comes from us. You can love a surprisingly great number of people. To love is to be balanced, to extend one's self beyond the sense of self. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

 

 

(↓)

Deeper nonpossessive love

  • There is wisdom to loving. One must just love more deeply and without the sense of what you love being your personal possession. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

 

  • Love is something that comes to us in life. Quietly, it overwhelms us. It is something that you cultivate. You make it happen. Frederick Philip Lenz, III, Ph.D. [Rama] (1950-1998) US American Buddhist spiritual teacher, Sexuality, presented by ramaquotes.com

Englische Texte – English section on Relationships

Horizontal love vs. vertical love – D. Hawkins

Ordinary "Love" – Solar Plexus based – Confrontation – Friction – LoC 145 plus/minus
  • Horizontal relationships are happening within the instinctual realm.
  • Solar plexus driven relationships are force based. They serve to satisfy one's needs and wants first.
  • Conventional mating is a product of the animal.
  • If someone wants, desires, and controls you you tend to resist that.

Keywords: drivenness by sex hormones, adrenaline, desire, wanting, craving, addiction, passion (being madly in love), excitement, involvement, emotional force (possessiveness / resistance), control, attraction, drama, melodrama, winning over, short-lived infatuations, lovers coming and going, may flip into hate, revenge, jealousy (even murder or suicide)

 

☯ Possess, capture, control, own, mating, getting (intention)
☯ Transitory duration
☯ Adrenaline/sex hormones (Hormones/endocrine system)
☯ Left brain, physical (brain physiology)
☯ Impaired/desperate stability
☯ Impaired body functions [loss of appetite and sleep]
Addiction, craving (description)
☯ Suicide, stalking, despair, depression (pathology)
☯ Impaired judgment
☯ Glamorized exaggeration (perception)
☯ Excess, imbalance, frantic, fearful, tormented, frustrated, anxious (emotions)
☯ Disrupted productivity
☯ Inflated (self-image and social image)
Depression, rage, hate, blame (in case of loss)
☯ Erratic, over-stimulated (balance)
☯ Romanticizing, lower mind (intellectual function)
☯ Lowers consciousness level
☯ Involvement (style)
☯ Individualism (pattern)
☯ Demanding, limiting relatedness
☯ Satisfy, own (benefit)

 

True Love – Alignment – Two parallel lines – No friction – LoC 500+
  • A vertical relationship is directed towards God.
  • Both partners are on the spiritual path.
  • They are both aligned with
    • the good and the welfare of the relationship.
    • the happiness of their partner in life.
    • supporting their partner to fulfill their potential.
    • purpose, the higher path, and long term ideals and/or goals.
  • Both partners choose the attitude of "It's OK with me, dear."
  • Both partners forego satisfying their own desires or drivenness to win an argument.
    The more one foregoes one's own wants, desires and cravings for the sake of the relationship mysteriously the happier one gets.
    Making those you love happy is joyful.
  • Whoever treats his relationship at least as well as one's pet will be happy.
  • There is no specialness "out there".
    The concept of specialness is connected with survival (starting with mother) and a projection onto things, other people, and the world.
    Instead learn to make everything in your life special.
  • If someone simply loves you you cannot stop it.

 

★ SELF/Spirit, spiritual state (locus / origin)
★ Right brain / etheric brain (brain physiology)
★ Uplifted mental function
★ To be together with, bonding, enjoying (intention)
★ Permanent duration
★ Endorphins (hormones/endocrine system)
★ Enhanced stability
★ Improved body functions
★ Fulfillment, context (description)
★ Well-being (pathology)
★ Improved judgment
★ Illuminated perception
★ Self-fulfilling, gratitude, satisfaction, calmness, balance (emotions)
★ Enhanced productivity
★ Positive self-image / enhanced social image
★ Grief, regret, longing (in case of loss)
★ Steady balance
★ Realistic higher mind (intellectual function)
★ Raises consciousness level
★ Alignment (style)
★ Concordance (pattern)
★ Harmonious, expansive relatedness
★ Fulfill, complete (benefit)

 

Source: ► Inspired by D. Hawkins, Sedona Seminar Alignment, 3 DVD set, 16. April 2005
See also: ► Transcending the Levels of Consciousness, chapter 14 'Diagnostic Differential: Infatuation vs. Love', S. 249, 2006
Desire (LoC 145 plus/minus) vs. True love (LoC 500+)

Summarizing the four levels of relationship


Four levels of relationship
Stage 1+2: Compulsary programming
Obligational unavoidable experience
Stage 3+4: Freestyle evolution
Given favorable conditions
༺༻Relational
Location
Color
Alchemy
ProgramExpressionLevel
Brain
AreaSociologyDirection
1.Personal
_________
INSIDE
INTERNAL
White
Albedo
CompulsaryCoarse
♦ Materialistic

Excessive body consumption
Desire to HAVE
BODY
_________
Reptilian brain
HEADSingles
Couples
Horizontal
2.Interpersonal
_________
INBETWEEN
Red
Rubedo
CompulsarySubtle
Symbolic
Anticarnal attitude
Avoidance of intimacy
Ambivalent rejection attitude
FEELINGS
_________
Limbic brain
HEARTFamily
Tribe
Horizontal
3.Impersonal
_________
OUTSIDE
EXTERNAL
Black
Nigredo
Freestyle evolutionCollective
CausalParadoxical
Disengagement from the repetitive pattern and suction of the Morphic Field effect set up by the tribal and mass mind
INTELLECT
(MIND)
_________
Neocortex
HANDSCommunityHorizontal-vertical
4.Transpersonal
_________
REUNITED CIRCLE
Transparent
Energetic
Freestyle evolutionIntegral-Devotional
Creation of the
authentic Self
Entrusting I-THOU
Allow Beingness
SPIRIT
_________
Frontal lobe
Completing HEALING
CosmosSpiritual net
Indra's net

Everything is connected with everything else.
Vertical
See also:
Four categories of friendship, love and truth
Four stages of marriage – Jed Diamond
Levels of relationship and ► Relationship advices and ► Sociology and ► Symbology and ► Trust / Intimacy and ► Community
Transparency and ► Authenticity and ► Body and ► Emotions and ► Intellect and ► Healing and ► Spirit and ► Self and ► Alchemy
Principle 3:1 and ► Friendship and ► Consciousness-Tables

Four essential stages of a dating relationship

Stages of coming closer in a relationship
StageFocusLegend
1.AttractionSoul, character, heart, mind, voice, bodyFeeling drawn to someone (across the room, a photo) as if something is pushing oneself toward them.
2.Verbal ExplorationBeginning to explore each other verbally (not physically). Having conversations to find out the basics (who, where, what) about each other.
3.Emotional intimacyBeginning to establish a solid emotional bond and building trust by telling each other things you hesitate to share in general.
4.Physical intimacyA sexual relationship is the consummation of the first three stages.
Inspired byRabbi Shmuley Boteach (*1966) US American Orthodox rabbi, marriage counsellor, radio and television host, author, Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments, Harmony, 1st edition 16. January 2001

Mature undivided love ⇔ immature divided romance

       Indiviual means undivided.       
That's the meaning of the word. When a person gets to a place of fulfillment [influence, leadership] they are supposed to be undivided. 'The undivided person will act in the interest of the community unity rather than the interest of dividing into factions. So one way to critique the people on top – if they have the opportunity to use power and they are not using it to create unity and benefit for other – [is to say that] they are not truly an individual [as] they are still divided and they are acting out that inner division.
Source: ► Audio radio interview with Michael Meade Mosaicvoices.org US American storyteller, scholar of mythology, psychology, anthropology, ritualist, spokesman in the Men's Movement, author, The Pathless Path, MP3, presented by US American web radio
station KBOO, Portland, program Radiozine, host Ralph Coulson, minute 14:39, 29:24 minutes duration, aired 13. May 2013

 

       Immature love              Mature love       
Infantile love follows the principle:
"I love because I am loved."
Mature love follows the principle:
"I am loved because I love."
Immature love says:
"I love you because I need you."
Mature love says:
"I need you because I love you."
Source: ► Erich Fromm (1900-1980) German US American social psychologist, psychoanalyst,
humanistic philosopher, author, The Art of Loving, Harper & Brothers, 1956

 

       Romance              Love       
Romance can be defined as [two] fractional people who are looking for the rest of themselves. The gender roles make us into fractional people instead of whole people.
It's very intense because you're looking for the rest of yourself in someone else.
But it's doomed because nobody can be you.
Love is two whole people.
Romance is wanting the other person. It's about possession.Love is wanting what's best for the other person.
Source: ► Vimeo video presentation by Gloria Steinem gloriasteinem.com (*1934) leading US American feminist of the new women's movement, visionary and political activist, founder and editor of the feminist US magazine "Ms", journalist, writer, Perspectives on Equality
and Community – Common Hour
, sponsored by Franklin & Marshall College, Lancaster, Pennsylvania,
9. September 2010, minute 33:00, 53:54 minutes duration, posted 10. September 2010

 

       Romance              Love       
There is a difference between romance and love.
Romance might die, while true love does not. Love is easy when romance still lights everything in shades of pink, when the experience of a relationship is like the canvas of a sweet Impressionistic painting.Often the true path of love begins only when romance has begun to taper off, for love is the capacity to see light when darkness has begun to eclipse it. Once the reality of our wounding reveals the darkness still lurking in all of us, romance might die, while true love does not.
Source: ► Marianne Williamson (*1952) US American spiritual teacher, political activist, visionary, lecturer, author,
Illuminata. A Return to Prayer, Riverhead Trade, 1. November 1995

 

       Selfishness              Love       
Selfishness demands, "What's in it for me?"while Love asks, "What can I give?"
Source: ► Seth Adam Smith, US American editor-in-chief, Marriage Isn’t For You, presented by Forward Walking, 2. November 2013

Bonding chemical oxytocin

Oxytocin, the human glue, is infused during pregnancy and breast-feeding which helps the mother in the bonding process with her infant. When a woman has sex with a man, the neuo-peptide [and hormone] oxytocin is released into her system to strenghten the bond with her lover. If a woman has multiple sexual partners her levels of oxytocin are lowered. This can inhibit her ability to bond to her husband or significant others.

 

Comparing sex to drug use, Drs. Diggs and Keroack, said the hormone produced by the brain after orgasm, oxytocin, will eventually diminish a person's ability to form emotional attachments. Premarital sex can lead to overproduction of oxytocin.

People who have misused their sexual faculty and become bonded to multiple persons will diminish the power of oxytocin to maintain a permanent bond with an individual. Dr. John Diggs, Dr. Eric James Keroack, US American deputy assistant secretary for Health and Human Services, paper for Abstinence Medical Council, 2001, Abstinence Clearinghouse, abstinence.net

 

See also:Oxytocin – the bonding chemical

Gifts of love and freedom

I saw a woman sleeping. In her sleep she dreamt Life stood before her, and held in each hand a gift
– in the one Love, in the other Freedom.
And she said to the woman, "Choose!"
And the woman waited long: and she said, "Freedom!"
And Life said, "Thou hast well chosen. If thou hadst said "Love"',
I would have given thee that thou didst ask for; and returned to thee no more.
Now the day will come when I shall return. In that day I shall bear both gifts in one hand."

I heard the woman laugh in her sleep.

 

Source: ► Olive Schreiner (1855-1920) South African author, anti-war campaigner, intellectual, Life's Gifts, 1892

BW-Werte: Beziehung

LoC calibrations (engl.): Relationship

Index: Beziehungen / Relationships – Bücher von D. Hawkins

Englische Werke

Audio- und Videomedien (engl.) von und mit D. Hawkins

(↓)

Difference between involvement and alignment – 
exemplified on the marriage of the First Couple Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt

Franklin Delano Roosevelt [LoC 499] (1882-1945) was the 32nd US president during World War II (1933-1945), 32nd degree Freemason, and war criminal, His wife Eleanor Roosevelt [LoC 495] (1884-1962) was the First Lady of the US of America (1933-1945), supporter of her husband's New Deal policies, advocate for civil rights, enhancer of the status of working women, chairwoman of the United Nations committee that drafted and approved the Universal Declaration of Human Rights. Furthermore, she approved of her husband's mistresses. President Franklin D. Roosevelt had serial longterm mistresses – the first one Missy LeHand, a private secretary. Eleanor, a most controversial First Lady, not only knew about the extramarital relationship, was about to leave the president, yet decided to stay with him upon his plea and allowed Missy and Franklin to occupy adjoining bedrooms in the White House. After that FDR engaged in a "lonely hearts" relationship with Lucy Mercer, an aging but attractive widow. The press at the time of WWII was decent and kept silent. The public did not even know that FDR was reigning from a wheel chair.


  • Audio interview Alignment, presented by suspended US American web radio station Beyond the Ordinary, hosts Nancy Lorenz and Elena Young, ~60 minutes duration, aired, 19. April 2005

 

Links zum Thema Beziehung/en / Relationships

Literatur

Literature (engl.)

Externe Weblinks


External web links (engl.)


A study suggests soldiers form loyal "Bands of Brothers" fighting and dying for each other because they have the same instincts that let mothers ferociously protect their newborns.

Audio- und Videolinks

  • Video TV Präsentation von George Pennington, britisch-deutscher Psychologe, Trainer, Coach, Autor, Unser Umgang mit Anderen, Teil 13/13 der Sendereihe Bewusst leben. Psychologie für den Alltag, präsentiert von TV-Sender BR alpha, gesendet 2005 und 2013, YouTube Film, 14:30 Minuten Dauer, eingestellt 1. Oktober 2011
  • Video TV-Talkshow Der perfekte Partner – wie den richtigen finden?, präsentiert vom deutschen Fernsehsender SWR (ARD), Sendung Nachtcafé, Moderator Wieland Backes, 14:29 Minuten Dauer, eingestellt 23. Juni 2011

Audio and video links (engl.)

A healthy committed relationship means to guard each other's emotional wounds / vulnerabilities. Instead of retiring, shift passions.

Waldinger has unprecedented access to data obtained from 724 men (60 of which are still alive in their 90ties) during the long-term Grant study (1938-2015) as to how one may build a fulfilling, happy, long life.
1. Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Social connections are really good for humans. Loneliness toxifies and kills.
2. The quality of close relationships (at age 50) matter (at age 80).
3. Good relationships don't just protect our bodies but also our brains.


 

Interne Links

Wiki-Ebene

 

 

1 See Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique, published 1963. This book made known the term "sexism" known to the public debate and as a consequence issued laws to strenghten women's position in society

2 Truth vs. Falsehood. How to Tell the Difference, S. 398, 2005

3 Truth vs. Falsehood. How to Tell the Difference, S. 398, 2005

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