Liebe besteht nicht darin, dass man einander ansieht, sondern dass man gemeinsam in die gleiche Richtung blickt. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) französischer Schriftsteller, Flieger

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Zitate (engl.) allgemein

Personal avowals

A woman's highest calling is to lead a man to his soul, so as to unite him with Source;
her lowest calling is to seduce, separating man from soul and leave him aimlessly wandering.
A man's highest calling is to protect woman, so she is free to walk the earth unharmed.
Man's lowest calling is to ambush and force his way into the life of a woman.
Wisdom of the Cherokee, North American Indian tribe

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Englische Texte – English section on Relationship advices

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Lazy couple's guide by Jed Diamond, US American psychotherapist

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Part I: Basics of relationships

Men and women are more alike than different.

Basic human needs according to Abraham Maslow¹ are blind to gender:

Physical Survival need: air, water, food, and a stable body temperature
Physical/Emotional Survival need: for security
Emotional Survival need: to love and be loved
Mental Success need: self-esteem
Mental/Spiritual Growth need: self-actualization

The differences between men and women are critical.
Psychologist John Gray says: “Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.”
Psychologist Marilyn Volker says: There are either “Penis people” or “Vulva people.”
People differ not only in their genitals.

The differences are not what role models [social memes] ascribe.
The traits we often associate with men and women are not inherent but influenced by gender conditioning.
Females are meant to be “sensitive, tender, feeling, soft, curvy, thin, passive, receptive, nice, sweet, hairless, quiet, giving, nurturing, apologetic”.
Males are allowed to be “assertive, cool, stoic, aggressive, hairy, active, athletic, muscular, rugged, tough, outspoken, courageous, protective”.

The differences between men and women are due to the two organizing principles in life:
dynamism and magnetism.
Dynamism is the capacity to initiate and to expand outwardly – the Animus, the Yang, the Sun, the “seeker”.
Magnetism is – the Anima, the Yin, the Moon, the attractor.

Men and women alike will develop four universal dynamic functions and four universal magnetic functions.

According to anthropologist Angeles Arrien, 95% of cultures around the world agree on four dynamic functions and four magnetic functions:

Dynamic function: Words, language, and logic
Magnetic function: Vision, intuition, and perception
Dynamic function: Deeds, productivity, bringing into form
Magnetic function: Organizing, systematizing, and incubating
Dynamic function: Leadership and power
Magnetic function: Beauty, nurture, care, and healing
Dynamic function: Exploring the meaning of life
Magnetic function: Honoring the sacred through ritual and ceremony

For men, the dynamic is core. For women, the magnetic is core.
Manhood rests on the dynamic – communication, deeds, leadership, and meaning.
Womanhood rests on the magnetic – vision, beauty, ritual, and organization.

The sacred marriage of dynamism and magnetism is bound to occur within each person.
The dynamic and magnetic functions are the basis to being human.

There are three ways to get close to one another: Social, Sensual and Sexual.
Being social, sensual, and sexual are expressions of the basic human need to connect with others – within families, neighborhoods, clubs, tribes, nations, the world community.

There are four avenues to express the social, sensual, and sexual nature: Hetero, Homo, Bi, and Auto.

When we relate to someone of the other sex, we are engaging in a “hetero” relationship.
When we relate to someone of the same sex, we are engaging in a “homo” relationship.
When we relate to people of both sexes, we are engaging in a “bi” relationship.
When we relate to ourselves, we are engaging in an “auto” relationship.

One can be auto-social, bi-sensual, and heterosexual, or bi-social, bi-sensual, and homo-sexual.

Homosexuality is a normal way of expressing sexuality for a minority of the population.
Homosexuality is normal, healthy and biologically based.

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PART II: – Distinguishing healthy relationships from addictive relationships

Healthy relationships are based on an I-Thou experience.

I-Thou relationships are grounded in equality and respect. The love that is expressed derives from the communion of two spirits who themselves are part of a larger Spirit named God, Goddess, The Great Mystery, Spirit-That-Moves-Through-All-Things.
I-Thou reminds us that we are not alone. I-Thou sees everything and everyone as sacred, valuable, and precious.
The “I” that becomes part of a “Thou” is forever transformed.

Addictive relationships are based on an I-It experience.

I-It relationships are based on inequality and fear. Feelings are intense but not loving.
I-It is a way to treat the natural world.

Addictive Love results from faulty love maps originating in childhood abuse.

“Love” addicts were emotionally or sexually abused as children. They want to go home, but move ever faster in the wrong direction. They continue to find partners who recreate the abusive atmosphere in which they grew up.
Some pepole want to remember and some try to forget.
Remembering what happened is the first step to healing the past and creating a healthier future. In order to survive growing up, many of us buried the painful memories. Retrieving them is a long difficult process.

To understand healthy love we must contrast it with addictive “love.”
Western societies confuse healthy love with “love” addiction.
Many people find it difficult to differentiate whether they engage in healthy intimacy or addictive desire.

Distinguishing healthy love from "love" addiction
#	Healthy love	Addictive love
1.	Develops after feeling secure	Attempts to show love despite feeling frightened and insecure
2.	Emerges from feeling full, overflowing with love	Always busy to fill an inner void
3.	Begins with Self love	Always seeking love "out there" from someone "special"
4.	Arrives when one foregoes to search	Is compulsively sought after
5.	Comes from inside Is willing to give	Comes from outside Wants to take
6.	Grows slowly (like a tree)	Grows fast (as if by magic)
7.	Thrives on time spent alone and time spent with our partner	Is frightened of being alone Is afraid of being close
8.	Is unique Does not seek an “ideal lover”	Is stereotyped Feels attracted to certain types
9.	Is gentle and comfortable	Is tense and combative
10.	Engages in getting to know oneself and one's lover deeply	Hides from oneself Falls in love with an ideal "image", not a person
11.	Encourages to be oneself Encourages to be authentic including one's shadow	Encourages secrets Encourages looking good and wearing attractive masks
12.	Flows out	Caves in
13.	Enhances a deepening sense of oneself while being with the partner	Results in a loss of self the longer one shares time with the partner
14.	Gets easier as time goes on	Requires more effort as time goes on
15.	Is like rowing across a gentle lake	Is like being swept away down a raging river
16.	Grows stronger as fear decreases	Expands as fear increases
17.	Is satisfied with what is there	Always looking for more or better
18.	Encourages interests to expand in the world	Encourages outside interests to contract
19.	Is based on the wish to be together	Is based on the compulsion to be together
20.	Knows and teaches that happiness comes from within oneself	Expects and demands the partner to make oneself happy
21.	Creates life	Creates melodramas
	Inspired by Jed Diamond, Ph.D. Excerpted and adapted from:	Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, Avon Books, August 1989

Other Source: Video presentation by Internet Therapist Love Addiction: Is My Relationship Healthy?,
YouTube film, 5:35 minutes duration, posted 20. February 2007

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Part III: – Groundwork for healthy relationships

In order to have a healthy relationship give up the search for happiness.
Dictionary definition of “happiness”: “Happening of chance, luck, fortune.”
⇒ Happiness is “out there” and thus short-lived.
The search for happiness takes one away from happiness and makes one fear life’s inevitable down-turns.

Healthy relationships are based on the experience of joy.
Dictionary definition of joy: “Exultation of the spirit, gladness, delight, the beatitude of heaven or paradise.”
⇒ Joy comes from within.
“Joy” is quite different than “happiness.” Relationships based on joy do not depend on outside events.

Joy can be accessed by applying the four universal healing salves.

Anthropologist Angeles Arrien refers to four universal healing experiences [salves] to be practiced regularly:
* Singing * Dancing * Storytelling * Silence.

There are three levels of relationships that must be developed for us to be healthy:
Source, Self, and Someone Else.

Source is God, Goddess, The Great Mystery, Higher-Power, Spirit-That-Moves-Through-All-Things.
Self is our true being, our inner knowing, our deepest wisdom, the core of who we are.
Someone Else is the mysterious other, the lover, the sacred partner, the mate.

To develop these relationships in the wrong order, will result in heartening trouble.
Learn from Sir Gawain and Dame Ragnelle.
Observe the attraction funnel as well as the funnel of sexual arousal – KastlemanFunnel PDF².
Attraction, friendship and loyalty between two potential partners are found most stable when the attraction funnel follows a downward direction from soul to body:

***************** From soul to character *****************
*************** From character to heart ***************
*************** From heart to mind ***************
************* From mind to voice *************
*********** From voice to body ***********

The natural world offers the most direct experience of Source.

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Part IV: – Finding one's love partner

There are 5,924 perfect partners ready to meet those singles searching for a mate.
People who have an image of their ideal partner (hopes attached to their fathers, mothers, hunks or super women;
aspects which supposedly lack in oneself) filter almost all of the suitable partners out.

To meet one's ideal partner first the projections on Mom and Dad are to be released.
Searching for a partner who will love them like their parents never did
Man to woman: “Will you love, protect, and care for me, like my Daddy never would?”
Woman to man: “Will you nurture, touch, and pleasure me, like my Mommy never could?”

Receive all the needed parenting from your inner guides.

Become the lover you are looking for.
When you become the lover you think you need, you won’t be so needy.

The seven dances of love

1st	Acquaintanceship	Recognize that each person you meet is a fellow human being, a gift from the universe, a jewel to be appreciated.
2nd	Companionship	Do what you love in the presence of other human beings. Who is there is less important than abandoning oneself to the joy of doing.
3rd	Friendship	Friendship is a process of being with another and enjoying getting closer to ourselves and the other. Being oneself and interacting with a friend are combined.
4th	Intimate Friendship	Intimate friendship is shadow work revealing rage, terror, guilt, shame, the ability to appreciate, accept, nurture, and love yourself. When recognizing and exploring hidden, forbidden, and disliked traits in you in the other there are times when you are inseparable and when you don’t like your intimate friend.
5th	Sensual Friendship	Sensual friendship is relearning to hold hands and rekindle the heat of touching someone, not a prelude to sex. We receive and give the pleasure of caressing hair, shoulders, legs, buttocks, knees and toes.
6th	Sexual Lovers Creative Lovers	Sexual/creative lovers recognize the purpose of physical lovemaking as pleasure, creation and bonding. It continually renews our commitment to life.
7th	Spiritual Partners Life Partners	Partners cannot commit to a lifelong spiritual partnership as long as the other stages are not completed. The goal of spiritual/life partnership is not happiness, but the spiritual development of each of the partners and the growth of the partnership itself. The spiritual presence teaches each partner to express and receive ever deeper experiences of joy and ecstasy.

Practice the seven dances of love.
Raised on a diet of “instant intimacy” the Seven Dances of Love may seem slow, cumbersome, and old-fashioned. They work for those who are willing to practicing them.
1. Pursue each dance for it’s own value. When you’re practicing “Companionship,” for instance, take the attitude that if you died tomorrow and had only learned to be an excellent companion, life would be worthwhile.
2. Enjoy each dance without planning the next. Intimate friendship and sensual friendship, for instance, are not “foreplay” for sex. Each is the main event.
3. Don’t let someone else’s needs change the dance you are practicing. If your partner wants you to join the “Sexual/Creative Lovers” dance and you are practicing “Intimate Friendship,” stand up for your own needs.
4. Even if you are already in a relationship, it’s rewarding to start over. Take a week and practice acquaintanceship, for instance. Look at your partner through new eyes as a unique gift from God without any agenda for where the relationship might go in the future.

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Part V: – Keeping love alive

Love is too important to be taken seriously.
Humor is trump.

There are two alternating flows in healthy relationships: Bonding and Deepening.

Layers of bonding and deepening
Phase	Layer	Expression
1st	Bonding	"Excitement" and "intensity"
2nd	Deepening	"Security” and "intimacy"
3rd	Bonding	Novelty bonding anew
4th	Deepening	Calmness and gentleness

You can’t keep your relationships unless you’re willing to lose them.

Each time you tell the truth in the face of the fear, your relationship deepens.
Each time you hold back, trying to play it safe, your relationship suffers.

Never compromise with your partner.

Compromise is slow death to a relationship.
Compromise seems to be a way that can satisfy both partners whereas it is a way where both lose a little bit of themselves.

Always insist that your needs be met and never rest until your partner’s needs are met as well.

Never force your partner to change.

Force leads to frustration, the feeling to be unaccepted and unloved.
A partner who accommodates is no longer respected.
People change naturally in response to their respective needs and internal rhythms.

Never do anything you think you should do.

Always do what you feel called (want) to do.

When you get angry at your partner do not tell them how you feel, first write a love letter.
Psychologist John Gray found that
underneath every anger is hurt,
underneath every hurt is fear,
underneath every fear is guilt,
underneath every guilt is shame,
underneath every shame is LOVE.

Gray suggests to angry partners to write an honest love letter to their significant other stepping down the above ladder to arrive at love/empathy:

Dear ____
I’m angry that you … and I need …
I’m hurt that you … and I need …
I’m afraid that you / I … and I need …
I’m feeling guilty about … and I need …
I’m feeling ashamed that I … and I need …
I love and understand you … and I need …

Don’t work on your relationship; nurture it.
There are three parts of a relationship that require to be continually nurtured: You, Me, and Us.

Love comes in three packages. Learn your partner’s preferred wrapping.

Find your soul-partner in a women’s or men’s group.
If you’re a man and you want your relationship to be healthy, join a men’s group.
If you’re a woman who wants the same, join a women’s group.

To increase intimacy spend time alone.
Togetherness is not intimacy. Allow sacred space for each partner in the house.
Sleep in separate beds. Knock to come in by invitation.

Don’t rely on love. Schedule time together.
Set aside one night a week as “date night.”

Make love when you’re not in the mood and abstain from sex when you want it the most.

Talk about money or the material fights may destroy the relationship.

Inspired by: Dr. Jed Diamond, The Lazy Person's Guide To Relationships. For women and men who still believe in love…

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Love addictions versus Healthy love

"Love addictions" are even more dangerous than "drug addictions" because they so effectively lull us into accepting a life of "non-living" in exchange for the sweet taste of sex, romance, or relationship.
Roberta Flack's song "killing me softy" gives us a chilling sense of the hidden dagger beneath "love's" cloak.
Jed Diamond, Ph.D., Sex Addiction. Seven Surprising Secrets, posted 7. December 2010
Source: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, Avon Books, August 1989

Insights and guidelines for dealing with "love" addictions
1. "Love" addictions do exist.
2. Addictions need to be self-defined. No one has a right to call anyone else an addict.
3. "Love" addictions, like all addictions, are progressive and fatal if not treated.
4. Any "love" behavior can be addictive and none are automatically addictive.
5. Sex, Love, and Relationship Addictions are not about sex, love, and relationships.
6. It is important to "name" our addictions and name them correctly.
7. Anyone can recover from "love" addictions.

Jed Diamond, Ph.D., US American psychotherapist, Sex Addiction. Seven Surprising Secrets, posted 7. December 2010
Source: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, Avon Books, August 1989

Emotions (addictive "love") versus Beliefs
Emergency emotion	Negative belief
Shame	I am damaged and therefore bad inside.
Apathy expressed as distrust	I can't rely on people to meet my needs.
Grief expressed as depression Greed expressed as excitement	I need MORE "love." Too much is never enough.
Fear	To know me is to abuse or abandon me.
Inspired by Jed Diamond, Ph.D., Sex Addiction. Seven Surprising Secrets, posted 7. December 2010	Source: Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, Avon Books, August 1989

Distinguishing healthy love from "love" addiction
#	Healthy love	Addictive love
1.	Develops after feeling secure	Attempts to show love despite feeling frightened and insecure
2.	Emerges from feeling full, overflowing with love	Always busy to fill an inner void
3.	Begins with Self love	Always seeking love "out there" from someone "special"
4.	Arrives when one foregoes to search	Is compulsively sought after
5.	Comes from inside Is willing to give	Comes from outside Wants to take
6.	Grows slowly (like a tree)	Grows fast (as if by magic)
7.	Thrives on time spent alone and time spent with our partner	Is frightened of being alone Is afraid of being close
8.	Is unique Does not seek an “ideal lover”	Is stereotyped Feels attracted to certain types
9.	Is gentle and comfortable	Is tense and combative
10.	Engages in getting to know oneself and one's lover deeply	Hides from oneself Falls in love with an ideal "image", not a person
11.	Encourages to be oneself Encourages to be authentic including one's shadow	Encourages secrets Encourages looking good and wearing attractive masks
12.	Flows out	Caves in
13.	Enhances a deepening sense of oneself while being with the partner	Results in a loss of self the longer one shares time with the partner
14.	Gets easier as time goes on	Requires more effort as time goes on
15.	Is like rowing across a gentle lake	Is like being swept away down a raging river
16.	Grows stronger as fear decreases	Expands as fear increases
17.	Is satisfied with what is there	Always looking for more or better
18.	Encourages interests to expand in the world	Encourages outside interests to contract
19.	Is based on the wish to be together	Is based on the compulsion to be together
20.	Knows and teaches that happiness comes from within oneself	Expects and demands the partner to make oneself happy
21.	Creates life	Creates melodramas
	Inspired by Jed Diamond, Ph.D. Excerpted and adapted from:	Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, Avon Books, August 1989

Other Source: Video presentation by Internet Therapist Love Addiction: Is My Relationship Healthy?,
YouTube film, 5:35 minutes duration, posted 20. February 2007

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Gender research

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Hardly known empirical data about gender differences – Jed Diamond

Eight influential factors in sex and gender differences
Item	Fact and factor	Legend
1.	The market place is an inappropriate sex educator.	Cultural myths around sex are misleading. There are “boy” things and “girl” things. Despite all political correctness humans are not unisex beings.
2.	Biological reasons for the ingrown insecurity of men.	The human DNA is arranged into 46 chromosomes, each grouped into 23 pairs. 22 pairs are essentially identical, one strand deriving from the mother, the other from the father. The 23rd pair determines the sex: females have two like "X" chromosomes ", males two very dissimilar chromosomes, one "X" and one "Y". Y is very short compared to the X. As a result males suffer more genetic problems than females (color blindness and muscular dystrophy). All life long they are more fragile and vulnerable than females.
3.	Ample sperm produced by males, only 400 eggs produced by females.	Biological perspective: sperm and men are always competing, always eager about being top dog or the best on the block, and status oriented. Eggs and women are always the center of attention, being pursued, and doubting if she chose the “right” one.
4.	Males are roving inseminators. Females are wily choosers.	Sexual competition is a replay of fertilization itself. Numerous males are "roving inseminators". Like small, hyperactive sperm, they compete among themselves for access to females. Analogous thesis of Robert Trivers, US American evolutionary biologist, Harvard University
5.	Males are drawn to multiple partners, women prefer one at a time.	Mind the Coolidge Effect.
6.	When men have sex, they feel more intimate. When women feel intimate, they are more desirous of sex.	Women are choosier about whom to mate with and the circumstances as they are at greater biological risk when having sex are. Men, particularly young men, are eager to have sex any time, any place, and sometimes with anyone available. Gay men have many more sexual partners than lesbian women.
7.	The influence of the hormone of desire testosterone on men and women.	In puberty testosterone levels in teenage boys rise 400-1000%. They become walking grenades, waiting to go off. Comparatively, the testosterone levels of same age women are 10%.
8.	Emotional attachment and commitment is the key to a good sex life and lasting love.	Accessibility: Are you reachable? Responsiveness: Are you reliable to respond to me emotionally? Engagement: Will you value me and stay close?
Source: Jed Diamond, Ph.D., US American psychologist, Red Hot Sex: 8 Little Known Secrets For A Lifetime of Passion and Love Book recommendation: Dr. Sue Johnson, US American clinical psychologist, developer of Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy, Hold Me Tight. Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love, Little, Brown and Company, 1st edition, 8. April 2008

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Empirical data on gender-specific brain differences – Louann Brizendine

Research results as in Brizendine's books The Female Brain Based on 1008 compiled studies and 20 years of experience (2007)
and The Male Brain. A Breakthrough Understanding of How Men and Boys Think (2010)

Facts and empirical findings on gender-specifically formed brains
Item	Domain	Facts and empirical findings
1.	Biology	At birth girls arrive already wired as girls, and boys arrive already wired as boys. There is no unisex brain. Nature's default pattern is female until 8 weeks of gestation when the tiny testicles start to produce huge amounts of testosterone.
2.	Nature vs. Nurture 50% Hormones/genes vs. 50% environmental influencing	Male and female brain chemistry differs whereas men and women are more alike than they are different. Cultural gender expectations are profound. Nurture gets built into the brain circuits. The nature vs. nurture debate is obsolete. Gender roles can be retrained (by a changed environment).³
3.	Communication	Men use about seven thousand words per day. Women use about twenty-thousand. Women have 400% more neurons then men in the brain centers for language and hearing. Typical men speak fewer words and have less verbal fluency than women, so they may be handicapped in angry exchanges with women.⁴
4.	Aggression	Men are on average twenty times more physically aggressive than women. Men have larger brain areas for physical action and aggression. Testosterone levels of teenage boys rise 25 times higher than in boyhood. Women feel the same amount of anger as men. They tend to express it via psychological channels.
5.	Conflict solving	Girls are motivated – on a molecular and neurological level – to ease and prevent social conflict.
6.	Sex	85% of twenty- to thirty-year-old males think about sex every fifty-two seconds and women think about it once a day – up to three or four times on fertile days. Men have 2.5 times brain space devoted to sex. Men have 3 times more interest in sex than women. The female sexual turn-on begins, ironically, with a brain turn-off.
7.	Dominance vs. submission	It may indeed be that about 10-20% of straight men have their female-type brain circuits turned on and actually have a psychological preference for dominant women [10%]. For the typical adult female [90%], the psychological preference is for dominant men.⁵
8.	Hormonal mood changes	After puberty anxiety disorders are 4:1 more common in adult women than adult men. The ratio of depression is 2:1. After female menopause the depression ratio drops to 1.3:1. Menopause means the end of the hormones that have boosted communication circuits, emotion circuits, the drive to tend and care, and the urge to avoid conflict at all costs.
9.	Quitting	65% of divorces after the age of fifty are initiated by [menopausal] women.
10.	Social skills	Little girls share toys 10-20 times more than little boys. Brain and language development is somewhat delayed with little boys and young male adults.
11.	Sensitivity skills	Men pick up the subtle signs of sadness in a female face only 40% of the time, whereas women can pick up these signs 90% of the time.
12.	Competition	Recent research has documented strong differences between men and women as far as the willingness to compete and the performance in competitive situations is concerned. Many studies have shown that men often react more strongly to competitive pressure than women, and that women are more likely to shy away from competition, even when they are equally qualified.⁶
Source: Dr. Louann Brizendine, US American professor in neurobiology, world's best clinical neuropsychiatrist, UC Berkeley, The Female Brain, Broadway, 1st reprint edition, 7. August 2007 Based on 1008 compiled studies after 20 years of experience the book is challenging the standard sociological model. Differences between men and women are biologically based and not social constructs.

"In writing this book I have struggled with two voices in my head – one is the scientific truth, the other is political correctness. I have chosen to emphasize scientific truth over political correctness even though scientific truths may not always be welcome."
"[P]retending that women and men are the same, while doing a disservice to both men and women, ultimately hurts women. Dr. Louann Brizendine,
US American neuropsychiatrist, UC Berkeley, The Female Brain, pg. 161, Broadway, 1st reprint edition, 7. August 2007

See also:
- Interview with Sandra Witelson It's Partly in Your Head. On how male and female brains differ, The Wall Street Journal, 11. April 2011
- Video clip on Men vs. Women. The Differences?, told by Tim Kelly, YouTube film, 7:46 minutes duration, posted 20. November 2008
- Video interviews with little children on Gender Roles, YouTube film, 2:36 minutes duration, posted 24. October 2008

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Behaviors of long-term successful relationship partners

Traits of relationship keepers
Item	Trait	Legend
1.	Trait One	Keepers are self-accountable.
2.	Trait Two	Keepers can hold on to their own personal rhythms under stress.
3.	Trait Three	Keepers don’t patronize. They find a way to stay interested or they graciously bow out.
4.	Trait Four	Keepers see humor as a sacred part of relationships.
5.	Trait Five	Keepers know how to stay even.
6.	Trait Six	Keepers do not allow guilt to influence their decisions.
7.	Trait Seven	Keepers store the “good times”.
8.	Trait Eight	Keepers are authentic.
9.	Trait Nine	Keepers understand and accept their value in the marketplace.
10.	Trait Ten	Keepers look for the value in others.
11.	Trait Eleven	Keepers avoid useless energy drains.
12.	Trait Twelve	Keepers know how to self-soothe.
13.	Trait Thirteen	Keepers seek continuous transformation.
14.	Trait Fourteen	Keepers take good care of themselves.
15.	Trait Fifteen	Keepers treasure the present moment.
Randi Gunther, Ph.D., US American marriage counsellor, Who Are The "Keepers"? The Behaviors of Long-Term Successful Relationship Partners, 28. August 2011

One of the great sweetnesses of life is to be deeply known and still beloved. Randi Gunther, Ph.D., US American marriage counsellor

Intimacy has many components, but the most important is a sense of treasured belonging. Given that acceptance and inclusion, the partners in a committed relationship can create a space of security and continued connection. New lovers continually rediscover each other through self-revelation and mutual vulnerability. No request is beyond reach, no sacrifice too difficult. Randi Gunther, Ph.D., US American marriage counsellor, Philosophy.php

Six categories of damaging relationships / hostile remarks
Item	Hostility category
1.	Character assassination
2.	Threat of abandonment
3.	Threat of exile
4.	Invalidation
5.	Challenge
6.	Preaching
Source: Randi Gunther, Ph.D., US American marriage counsellor, author of Rediscovering Love, Hostile Venting – Mean Phrases that Scar Intimate Relationships. How Negative Words can Destroy Love, published 31. July 2011 Relationship Saboteurs, part I, Relationship Saboteurs, part II

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Ten core values for evolving women

Dedicated to the creative potential of the relationship of maturing men and women Elizabeth Debold suggests women to embody the following core values:

Holding an evolutionary perspective
Consciously evolving woman acknowledges her biological, psychological, and social conditioning and draws on her true self devoted to the process of human evolution.
Trusting in life
Witnessing woman keeps releasing control urges. She incorporates to the best of her abilities spirit, undefended innocence, dignity.
Taking responsibility for evolution
Woman is aware of interconnectedness and cares to evolve in consciousness.
Realizing unity with other women
Consciously evolving woman is trustingly, transparently, and passionately bonding with her sisters, taking responsibility of her programmed urge to compete with others and outshining it.
Being emotionally rational
Conscious woman is aware of her survival impulses, developing emotional maturity by is releasing culturally programmed fears and desires.
Standing autonomously and not wavering
Consciously evolving woman abstains from manipulative games and is cultivating simple, gentle-straight radical sovereignty in her relationships.
Relinquishing sexual power
Conscious woman refrains from seduction to win over. Her sexual relationships become profoundly intimate and straightforward.
Leading by example
Willing to pioneer leadership conscious woman remains vulnerable and authentic, following her inner guidance transparently and humbly.
Being trustworthy
Woman devoted to a higher purpose remains honest and authentic when challenged.
Rejecting victimhood
Responsible woman is not a victim. She cocreated history with men.

Inspired by The Integral Relationship, presented by EnlightenNext, 2010

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Links zum Thema Beziehungstipps / Relationship advice

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Literatur

Robin Norwood, Wenn Frauen zu sehr lieben. Die heimliche Sucht, gebraucht zu werden, Rowohlt, Reinbek bei Hamburg, 1986, Neuauflage, 2. September 1991
Allan und Barbara Pease, australisches Bestsellerautorenpaar, Warum Männer nicht zuhören und Frauen schlecht einparken. Ganz natürliche Erklärungen für eigentlich unerklärliche Schwächen, Ullstein Verlag, Juli 2000, 15. Auflage 2002
John Gray, Männer sind anders. Frauen auch, Gender-Klassiker, Goldmann Verlag, 1. Mai 1993
Helen Fisher, Ph.D. (*1945) kanadisch-US-amerikanische Neuroanthropologin, Ethnologin, Rutgers Universität, Das starke Geschlecht. Wie das weibliche Denken die Zukunft verändern wird, Heyne, 2000
Helen Fisher, Ph.D. (*1945) kanadisch-US-amerikanische Neuroanthropologin, Ethnologin, Rutgers Universität, Warum wir lieben. Die Chemie der Leidenschaft, Patmos, Erstauflage, 2005
Louann Brizendine, US-amerikanische Neuropsychiaterin, populärwissenschaftliche Erfolgsautorin, Das weibliche Gehirn. Warum Frauen anders sind als Männer, Goldmann Verlag, 10. November 2008
Louann Brizendine, US-amerikanische Neuropsychiaterin, populärwissenschaftliche Erfolgsautorin, Das männliche Gehirn. Warum Männer anders sind als Frauen, Hoffmann und Campe Verlag, 14. Mai 2010

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Literatur (engl.)

Jed Diamond, Ph.D., US American psychotherapist, Looking for Love in All the Wrong Places. Overcoming Romantic and Sexual Addictions, Avon Books, August 1989
Robin Norwood, Women Who Love Too Much, Arrow, 15. January 1991, Gallery, reprint, 8. April 2008
John Gray, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. A Practical Guide for Improving Communication and Getting What You Want in Your Relationships, 1. April 1992, HarperCollins, 1st edition, 23. April 1993
Helen Fisher, Ph.D. (*1945) Canadian US American research professor of anthropology, Rutgers University, human behavior researcher on romantic interpersonal attraction, The First Sex. The Natural Talents of Women and How They are Changing the World, Random House, New York City, Ballantine Books, 1st edition, 1. February 2000
Allan and Barbara Pease, Australian authors, speakers, Why Men Don't Listen & Women Can't Read Maps, Orion, London, 1. March 2001
Dr. Louann Brizendine, US American professor in neurobiology, UC Berkeley, The Female Brain, Broadway, 1st reprint edition, 7. August 2007
Based on 1008 compiled studies and 20 years of experience
Daniel G. Amen M.D., US American neuropsychiatrist, The Brain in Love. 12 Lessons to Enhance Your Love Life, Scribd excerpt Three Rivers Press, reprint edition, 14. July 2009
Dr. Louann Brizendine, US American professor in neurobiology, UC Berkeley, The Male Brain. A Breakthrough Understanding of How Men and Boys Think, Broadway, 1st edition, 23. March 2010
Martin Ucik, German general manager, entrepreneur, integral relationship evolutionary, Integral Relationships. A Manual for Men, singles2couples.org Publishing, 1st edition, 30. July 2010

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Externe Weblinks

Wikipedia-Einträge ?

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Externe Weblinks (engl.)

Wikipedia entries ?

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Audio- und Videolinks

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Audio- und Videolinks (engl.)

Audio interview with Dr. Louann Brizendine, US American clinical neuropsychiatrist, Dissecting 'The Male Brain' , presented by web radio station Brainstormin, host Bill Frank, 18:32 minutes duration, aired 3. February 2011
Video presentation by Dr. Louann Brizendine, US American clinical neuropsychiatrist, UCSF Langley Porter Psychiatric Institute, The Teen Girl Brain: Insights Into What Makes Us Women, sponsored by UCSF Center for Gender Equity and National Center of Excellence in Women's Health, Series: "Women's Health Today", Professional Medical Education Show ID: 11112, YouTube film, 58:09 minutes duration, posted by UCtelevision 7. February 2008

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Interne Links

Hawkins

¹ Abraham Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs ⇑

² Mark Kastleman, US American former pornography addict, author, co-founder of Candeo, The Funnel of Arousal, presented by netnanny.com ⇑

³ Audio interview with Dr. Louann Brizendine, US American clinical neuropsychiatrist, Dissecting 'The Male Brain' , presented by web radio station Brainstormin, host Bill Frank, 18:32 minutes duration, aired 3. February 2011 ⇑

⁴ Dr. Louann Brizendine, The Female Brain, pg. 131, Broadway, 1st reprint edition, 7. August 2007 ⇑

⁵ Dr. Louann Brizendine, ning blog, 15. April 2011 ⇑

⁶ Gender Differences in Competition Emerge Early in Life, Institute for the Study of Labor, June 2010 ⇑

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