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< Ebene 30 – Schuld | Skala des Bewusstseins | Ebene 700-1000 – Erleuchtung >

 

Bewusstseinsebene 20

Scham BW 20

 

  • Ebene: Scham, Schande
  • Emotion: Demütigung, Erniedrigung, Beschämung
  • Prozess: Entfernung, Beseitigung, Unterdrückung, Ausmerzung
  • Selbstbild/Lebensauffassung: Elend, abscheulich
  • Gottesbild: Verachtend, verächtlich

 

 

 

Metzgerladen mit Flucht nach Ägypten, 1551
Pieter Aertsen (~1508–1575) niederländischer Maler
Kunstsammlung der Universität Uppsala

 

 

KultCult

 


 

Auslöschung und Verbannung

Scham ist dem Tod (Tod = Null) nahe. Wer sich schämt, möchte am liebsten im Boden versinken und unsichtbar sein. Scham äußert sich bei vielen Menschen in Schüchternheit und Introvertiertheit oder auch in äußerst rigiden Moralvorstellungen. Sie kann Psychosen, Paranoia und bizarre Verbrechen zur Folge haben. Der Schamzerfressene betrachtet das eigene Selbst als unwürdig und schlecht und spricht sich selbst das Lebensrecht ab. Je nach Temperament wird das Gefühl der totalen Auslöschung introvertiert oder extrovertiert gelebt.

 

In vielen Kulturen war die schrecklichste Strafe jene der Verbannung, denn Menschen, die von der Gemeinschaft ausgeschlossen wurden, hatten fast keine Chance zu überleben. Heute manifestiert sich diese Ebene zum Beispiel im Namen der französischen Vorstädte, den «Banlieus», Bannmeilen, wo jene Menschen leben, deren der Staat sich schämt und sie womöglich jahrelang vernachlässigt und aus dem Bewusstsein verdrängt hat.

 

Insgeheim ist Stolz der Auslöser für Scham. Die Abwehrmechanismen von Beschämten sind, mit Beschuldigungen (Schuld) oder Aggression anzugreifen.

Scham-Ebene: Tabelle der Anziehungen und Abneigungen


Anziehungen und Abneigungen auf der Ebene von Scham
AnziehungAbneigung
Selbstbestrafung, SelbsthassSelbstvergebung
DepressionSich für das Leben entscheiden
VerurteilenSich GOTTES Gnade anheimstellen
NegativitätStandpunkte aufgeben
Schrumpfen, sich verbergenSichtbar und ansprechbar sein
Das Selbst als wertlos ansehenDas Geschenk des Lebens bejahen
Starre Vorstellung über sich selbstKorrigierbar, flexibel
VerdammenVergeben
DemütigungSich für Selbstwert entscheiden
VerunglimpfungSelbstachtung
StrengGütig
Unausgeglichen, einseitig, sprunghaft, unzuverlässigBeide Seiten abwägen
Sich selbst beschuldigenDas unwissende Ego beschuldigen
Fehler übertreibenGrenzen überschreiten
Selektive TeilansichtAusgewogene Gesamtschau
Sich selbst als Verlierer betrachtenSich selbst korrigieren, Fehler wiedergutmachen
Ende des WegesBeginn des Neuen
Sich als nicht liebenswert empfindenSich als Kind GOTTES würdig und wert empfinden
Ein Irrtum ist unverzeihlich.Ein Irrtum ist eine Lernlektion.
Narzisstische AusrichtungFürsorge und Betreuung für andere
Sich selbst selbstüberschätzend dienenDem Leben dienen
SchwelgenEgoistische Standpunkte aufgeben
Sich als Mittelpunkt des Lebens sehenSich als Mitspieler und Teilnehmer des Lebens verstehen
Auf sich selbst bezogen seinSich auf andere ausrichten
"Hätte (tun, denken...) sollen"War damals nicht fähig dazu
Inspiriert durch: ► D. Hawkins, Erleuchtung ist möglich. Wie man die Ebenen des Bewusstseins durchschreitet, S. 47f, 2008

Zitate zum Thema Scham (BW 20) / Shame

Zitate von D. Hawkins

⚠ Achtung Siehe Power vs. Truth (engl.) Januar 2013

Quotes by D. Hawkins

⚠ Caveat See Power vs. Truth, January 2013

Energy Level 20 Shame

  • People at this emotional level are vulnerable to all the other negative emotions. They wish they were invisible. Banishment is a traditional accompaniment. It is destructive to health. Shame leads to cruelty to self and others and often results in paranoia, delusions, and psychosis. Source unknown

 


Wüste in Marokko
  • The level of Shame is perilously proximate to death, which may be chosen out of Shame as conscious suicide or more subtly elected by failure to take steps to prolong life. Death by avoidable accident is common here. We all have some awareness of the pain of "losing face", becoming discredited, or feeling like a "nonperson". In shame we hang our heads and sink away, wishing we were invisible. Power vs. Force. The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, chapter 4 Levels of Human Consciousness, S. 76, Hay House, February 2002

 

  • The behavior of people whose consciousness is only in the 20s is dangerous: they're prone to hallucinations of an accusatory nature, as well as paranoia; some become psychotic or commit bizarre crimes. Power vs. Force. The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, chapter 4, Levels of Human Consciousness, S. 77, Hay House, February 2002

 

 


 

  • Every time you attack the ego you reinforce it through guilt and shame. Attacking the ego — making it wrong and labeling it "sin" – is not helpful. You can only transcend it by familiarity, non-condemnation, acceptance, and compassion for one's own ego. Interview On the Trilogy of Book 1, 2 and 3, presented by Openexchange.org, Susanne Spitzer, 2004

 

  • Stupidity is innate to the human condition, ignorance is what we are all born here with, we have a hardware computer with no programs on it. Shame is a technique used by parents, a misfortunate one. "Shame on you!" To teach a child to shame oneself is not too great a technique. It’s good for my business with Prozac, all this stuff really helps with shame. So, they build up my business, but it’s not really a very good technique. Sedona Seminar Advaita. The Way to God through Mind, DVD 2 of 3, track 5, minute 40:50-42:44, August 2002

 

  • Question: What are the best ways to heal shame?
    Answer: Shame is a tough one until you recontextualize it. Shame is really vanity, pride. Shame is pride projected onto society and you visit it back upon yourself. You let go of pridefulness and own that being a human leads you to being fallible. It’s OK to be stupid and make terrible mistakes. It’s inevitable. How can you evolve unless you make really bad mistakes? You can’t. So shame is then looking at your own behavior from the viewpoint of pride. From pride this looks like disgraceful behavior, but if you let go pride, it looks more like stupidity. Sedona Seminar Advaita. The Way to God through Mind, DVD 2 of 3, track 5, minute 41:50, August 2002

 

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Eternal hopelessness at the bottom of hell

  • If we can't get what we want, then all these negative feelings come up. We're miserable, we're despairing, we’re going to commit suicide. When we give up, we reach hopelessness and go into apathy. For physical survival, the ego serves a function. If we don't get what we want, the approval we want, society’s approval, we experience shame. Ultimately we end up in hell. In the bottom of hell, there is eternal hopelessness, more ghastly than I can describe. Sedona Seminar Emotions and Sensations, 3 DVD set, 17. April 2004

Zitate von anderen Quellen

  • Nacktheit als solche darf nicht gleichgesetzt werden mit physischer Schamlosigkeit. Unanständigkeit ist nur gegeben, wenn Nacktheit eine negative Rolle in Hinsicht auf den Wert einer Person spielt […] Der menschliche Körper ist nicht an sich beschämend, noch sind es sinnliche Reaktionen aus demselben Grund, und menschliche Sinnlichkeit im Allgemeinen. Schamlosigkeit (genau wie Scham und Anstand) ist eine Funktion des Inneren der Person. Johannes Paul II. [BW 570] (1920-2005) Papst der römisch-katholischen Kirche (1978-2005)

 

  • Den finsteren Gedanken, die Scham, die Bosheit, begrüße sie mit einem Lachen an der Tür und bitte sie herein. Danke jedem für sein Kommen, denn sie alle haben dir etwas Wichtiges mitzuteilen. Dschalal ad-Din Rumi [BW 550] (1207-1273) persischer islamischer Mystiker, Jurist, Theologe, Dichter des Sufismus

 

  • Liebe ist das probateste Mittel, um das Schamgefühl zu überwinden. Sigmund Freud [BW 499] (1856-1939) österreichischer Neurologe, Tiefenpsychologe, Begründer der Psychoanalyse, Religionskritiker, Autor, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Der Verlust von Scham ist das erste Zeichen von Schwachsinn. […] Kinder, die sexuell stimuliert werden, sind nicht mehr erziehungsfähig […]. Die Zerstörung der Scham bewirkt eine Enthemmung auf allen anderen Gebieten, eine Brutalität und Missachtung der Persönlichkeit des Mitmenschen. Sigmund Freud [BW 499] (1856-1939) österreichischer Neurologe, Tiefenpsychologe, Begründer der Psychoanalyse, Religionskritiker, Autor, Gesammelte Werke Band 7 (1906-1909), S. 149, Fischer, 7. Auflage 1. Januar 1941

 

  • Betrachte es als die größte Schande, das nackte Leben der Scham vorzuziehen und um des Lebens willen die Gründe, für die es sich zu leben lohnt, zu verlieren. Juvenal ((1.-2. Jht.) römischer Satirendichter

 

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Scham sitzt an den Kreuzungspunkten von Individuum und Gesellschaft.

  • Es gibt ein Gefühl, bei dem Eltern aufmerken sollten, wenn es bei ihrem Kind auftritt: die Scham. Scham ist das Gefühl, das an den Konfliktpunkten zwischen Individuum und Gesellschaft entsteht. Wessen wir uns schämen, das decken wir bei uns zu und lieben es nicht. Wir fürchten die Schande: mit Schimpf und Schande verstoßen zu werden. Das gesellschaftlich Verpönte weckt im Individuum Scham. Solche sozial bedingte Scham ist nicht mit der natürlichen Scham, das heißt der Zurückhaltung, zu verwechseln, die wir manchmal brauchen, um zu uns zu kommen und bei uns zu bleiben. Menschen, die sich oft vor anderen schämen, sind unfrei, lieben sich nicht. Peter Schellenbaum (*1939) Schweizer Psychoanalytiker, Sachbuchautor, Die Wunde der Ungeliebten. Blockierung und Verlebendigung der Liebe, S. 17, Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag, Neuauflage 1. September 1992

 

  • Tiefgreifende Veränderungen anstreben, heißt, Lösungen zu suchen, die v e r l e t z l i c h machen – und genau das lehnen die meisten Menschen ab. [...] Paradoxerweise wirkt genau das, was scheinbar zu nichts führt. [...] Die Ermutigung, sich anderen Menschen gegenüber verletzlich zu zeigen, bietet einen Ausweg aus der Scham. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. C.A.S., führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 254, Kösel-Verlag, 1992

 

  • Scham beruht auf der inneren Überzeugung, nicht annehmbar zu sein. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. C.A.S., führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 259, Kösel-Verlag, 1992

 

  • Scham und Heimlichkeit waren mitverantwortlich für die Entstehung der Sexsucht und Scham und Heimlichkeit (Sicherheit in der Anonymität) und behindern auch ihre Überwindung. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. C.A.S., führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 431, Kösel-Verlag, 1992

 

  • Wo Scham ist, da ist Ehre. Deutsches Sprichwort

 

  • Wo man keine Scham empfindet, da empfindet man auch keine Ehre. Äthiopisches Sprichwort

 

  • Scham flößt uns das Gefühl ein, dass wir nicht gut genug sind und es niemals sein werden. Daher ist Scham Gift für unser Glück, da sie Millionen Menschen dazu bringt, angesichts ihrer körperlichen Reaktionen zu verzweifeln – und das ein Leben lang. Dr. med. Deepak Chopra [BW 500⇒195] (*1946) indienstämmiger US-amerikanischer Endokrinologe, ehemals Leibarzt von Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Leiter eines alternativen Gesundheitszentrums in San Diego, Referent, Autor, Kama Sutra. Die spirituellen Gesetze der Liebe, Ariston, 1. Auflage 13. Februar 2007

 

  • Was ist dir das Menschlichste? Jemandem Scham zu ersparen. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Philosoph, Kulturkritiker, Philosoph des Nihilismus [BW 120], Werke in drei Bänden, Band II, Die fröhliche Wissenschaft, 1882, München 1956

 

  • Was ist das Siegel der erreichbaren Freiheit? Sich nicht mehr vor sich selbst zu schämen. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Philosoph, Kulturkritiker, Philosoph des Nihilismus [BW 120], Werke in drei Bänden, Band II, Die fröhliche Wissenschaft, 1882, München 1956

Zitate von Brené Brown

Persönliche Bekenntnisse

  • Scham hasst es, mit Worten belegt zu werden. Wenn wir über sie sprechen, löst sich ihr Zugriff auf uns. Ein Großteil meiner Arbeit ist Hilfestellung und Versprachlichung, damit die Leute verstehen und einen Sinn in ihren eigenen Erlebnissen zu erkennen. Dr. Brené Brown, LMSW, US-amerikanische Forscherin der Themen Scham, Verletzlichkeit, Empathie, Universität von Houston, Texas, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Ich denke Scham ist wahrscheinlich die primitivste menschliche Emotion, die wir erleben können. Dr. Brené Brown, LMSW, US-amerikanische Forscherin der Themen Scham, Verletzlichkeit, Empathie, Universität von Houston, Texas, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt, PBS Interview, Teil 1 von 2, YouTube Film, eingestellt 2. März 2008

 

  • Scham zu erkennen, ist ein wichtiges Werkzeug, um unsere Kraft wiederzugewinnen. Dr. Brené Brown, LMSW, US-amerikanische Forscherin der Themen Scham, Verletzlichkeit, Empathie, Universität von Houston, Texas, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Wenn du deine Geschichte erzählst und die Geschichten der anderen anhörst, zwingst du die Scham, aus ihrem Versteck herauszukommen und beendest das Schweigen. Dr. Brené Brown, LMSW, US-amerikanische Forscherin der Themen Scham, Verletzlichkeit, Empathie, Universität von Houston, Texas, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt
  • Wenn man sich anderen zuwendet, ist einer der wichtigsten Nutzen zu lernen, dass die Erfahrungen, die uns am stärksten dazu bringen, uns mutterseelenallein zu fühlen, tatsächlich weltumfassend sind. Dr. Brené Brown, LMSW, US-amerikanische Forscherin der Themen Scham, Verletzlichkeit, Empathie, Universität von Houston, Texas, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Es gibt nichts Frustrierenderes und manchmal Erschreckenderes als Schmerz zu fühlen, ohne ihn jemandem beschreiben oder erklären zu können. Dr. Brené Brown, LMSW, US-amerikanische Forscherin der Themen Scham, Verletzlichkeit, Empathie, Universität von Houston, Texas, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt

Quotes by various other sources

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Compare with:

Gospel of Thomas [LoC 660], verse 022, 50-140 AD

You enter the Kingdom when you tread upon the garment of shame, and when the two become one and the male with the female neither male nor female. Greek Gospel of the Egyptians, quoted by Clement of Alexandria (~150-~215 AD) Greek scholar in classical Greek philosophy and literature, converted Christian theologian, Catechetical School of Alexandria, Stromata, trilogy of works on the Christian life, Second Epistle of Clement, chapter xii.2, 198-203

 

Personal avowals

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Public slut-shaming worldwide pushed Lewinsky to the brink of death – compassion helped her out of the shame trap.

  • I was Patient Zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.  Minute 3:55
In 1998 [at age 24], I lost my reputation and my dignity. I lost almost everything, and I almost lost my life.  Minute 6:09
A meta-analysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations more significantly than offline bullying.  Minute 12:26
And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn't have, was another research last year that determined humiliation was a more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger.  Minute 12:37
Video presentation by Monica Lewinsky (*1973) US American former White House intern (1995-1996), media shaming target #1 due to a political sex scandal with US president Bill Clinton, 1998, social psychologist, anti-cyberbullying activist, The price of shame transcript, presented by TED Talks, Vancouver, Canada, filmed 19. March 2015, minute 13:22, 22:31 minutes duration, posted 20. March 2015

 

  • When you dismiss my story you dismiss who I am; you diminish me. Leland R. Beaumont, US American electrical engineer, computer scientist, quality technologist, system's thinker, creator and webmaster of EmotionalCompetency.com

Fundamental culture: based on human dignity, equality, caring LoC 200+

  • On the fundamental level there are no differences between all human beings. Mentally, emotionally, physically we are the same. On that level there is hardly any reason to fight.

 

Secondary culture: status based, pride⇔shame based Below LoC 200

  • On the secondary level there are a lot of divisions and barriers. On the secondary level there are different nationalities, different races, different colors, different religions. Within the communities there are the richer, the poorer, the educated, the uneducated, the more respected because of their highly esteemed professions, some are looked down because of their work.
    Many man-made problems, I believe, are due to too much emphasis on the secondary level of differences. We are forgetting the basic oneness of human beings. Video presentation by H.H. 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso [LoC 570] (*1935) Tibetan monk, leader of the Gelug or "Yellow Hat" branch of Tibetan Buddhism, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, 1989, Peace Summit, presented by CTV.ca, video clip 2 of 4, 2/3rd section, minute 50:13-55:00, Vancouver, Canada, Sunday 27. September 2009

 

  • No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt [Influence LoC 495] (1884-1962) US American First Lady (1933-1945) supporter of her husband Franklin Delano Roosevelt's New Deal policies [LoC 340], advocate for civil rights, enhancer of the status of working women, chairwoman of the United Nations committee that drafted and approved the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

 

 

 

  • The truth about childhood is stored up in our bodies and lives in the depths of our souls. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings can be numbed and manipulated, our perceptions shamed and confused, our bodies tricked with medication, but our soul never forgets. And because we are one, one whole soul in one body, someday our body will present its bill. The wounded and lost child is only in hiding; the soul is still whole in spirit. Ultimately, our deepest self will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting or contaminating us until we stop evading the truth. Alice Miller (1923-2010) Swiss psychologist, psychoanalyst, world renowned author on child abuse, The Drama of the Gifted Child. The Search for the True Self, Basic Books, revised edition 1997

 

  • People select what they want to remember. And you have to remember the bad times. A lot of people are too ashamed to remember the bad times. If you can remember the shame, you can face it. The act of remembering makes you stronger. Because you survived it. You got through it. And it made you strong. Antwone Quenton Fisher (*1959) US American director, film producer, screenwriter, author, cited in: At Home with Antoine Quenton Fisher. A Child's Tale Told in Disbelief, The New York Times, Alex Kuczynski, 13. December 2001

 

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Paradox of shame

  • While pride is our emotional reward for doing good, shame is our emotional punishment for doing bad. Unfortunately, if our shame is too intense, or if we become depressed or obsessed with our digression, it can be debilitating and counterproductive. Consider shame as a slap on the wrist, examine what you did wrong, and take constructive steps to improve and move forward. Shame. We feel badly about ourselves, presented by Emotional Competency

 

 

  • The difference between how a person treats the powerless versus the powerful is as good a measure of human character as I know. Robert I. Sutton, US American professor of management science, Stanford Engineering School, evidence-based management researcher

 

Quotes by Brené Brown

Personal avowals

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Most primitive human emotion

  • I think shame is probably the most primitive human emotion that we can experience. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, PBS Interview, part 1 of 2, YouTube film, posted 2. March 2008

 

Recommendations

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Share shame with trusted confidents and friends

  • We need to share with those who have earned the right to hear it and people who are invested in the friendship. Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. Sharing and hearing intimate stories is also not most people's "default setting," since we tend to self-protect from hurtful things. If someone drops a shame bomb on me, I am likely to give a non-compassionate response if my own resources feel scarce. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by US American online newspaper The Huffington Post, 21. February 2011
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Languaging shame

  • Shame hates to have words wrapped around it. If we talk about it, it loses its grip on us. A lot of my work is about helping give people language to understand, to make meaning out of their own experiences. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, source unknown

 

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Unable to language shame

  • There is nothing more frustrating, and sometimes frightening, than feeling pain and not being able to describe or explain it to someone. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, source unknown

 

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Shame is correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying.

  • Shame is far more likely to cause destructive behaviors than it is to cure them. [...] Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying. [...] Shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change for the better. [...] Shame is 'I am that', guilt is 'I did that'. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Is shame good?, YouTube film, minute 00:39, 3:12 minutes duration, posted 2. March 2008

 

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Name shame!

  • Recognizing shame is an important tool for regaining our power. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, source unknown

 

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Tell your story! Receive confessions!

  • By telling your story and hearing others’ stories you force shame out of hiding and end the [pathological] silence. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, source unknown

 

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Shame is a universal experience.

  • One of the most important benefits of reaching out to others is learning that the experiences that make us feel the most alone are actually universal experiences. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, source unknown

 

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'Not enough' shame is lingering below grandiosity.

 

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Secretiveness – ensuring addictiveness

 

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Empathy is the antidote to epidemic shame.

  • Shame is an epidemic in our culture. […] Empathy is the antidote to shame.
    If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things things to grow exponentially:
    secrecy,
    ⚑ [pathological] silence and
    ⚑ judgement.
If you put the same amount of shame into a petri dish and douse it with empathy it can't survive.
Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Listening to shame, presented by TED Talks, YouTube film, minute 18:07, 20:38 minutes duration, posted 16. March 2012

Englische Texte – English section on Shame

Differentiating shame vs. guilt

The painful feeling of shame is believing one is flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame is self focused (being - passive): I am bad.
Guilt is behavior focused (doing – active): I did something bad.

 

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Shame, Resilience and Cutting:

  1. Recognizing shame and understanding our triggers
  2. Practicing critical awareness
  3. Reaching out
  4. Speaking shame

Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher and lecturer, University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, Shame Resilience Theory, author

Gender norms within male dominated systems


Metaanalysis on studies on shame and pride based gender norms
Shame is a major building block of traditional gender roles.
           Male role norms           
PRIDEShadow shame
           Female role norms           
SHAMEHumiliation
Normed behaviors confirmed by men
Conformity to Femininity Norms Inventory (CFNI)1
Normed behaviors confirmed by women
Conformity to Adolescent Masculine Norms Inventory (CMNI)2
Have power over women!
⚑ Apply violence!
⚑ Behave as a playboy!
⚑ Win!
⚑ Apply emotional control!
⚑ Disdain homosexuals!
⚑ Take risks!
⚑ Be self-reliant!
⚑ Adopt the primacy of work!
⚑ Pursue status!
⚑ Strive for dominance!
⚑ Show NO empathy!
Be nice in relationships!
⚑ Be thin!
⚑ Be modest!
⚑ Be domestic!
⚑ Keep to sexual fidelity!
⚑ Care for the children!
⚑ Strive for romantic relationships!
⚑ Use all resources for appearance!
⚑ Show no empathy!
Sources:
► Paul W. Efthim, Maureen E. Kenny, James R. Mahalik, Boston College, Boston, 2001 study abstract Gender Role Stress in Relation to Shame, Guilt, and Externalization, presented by Journal of Counseling and Development JCD, Questia, September 2001
► Metaanalysis by James R. Mahalik, Ph.D., US American professor of counseling, developmental and educational psychology, Boston College, Boston, presented in Psychology of Men & Masculinity, Vol 4(1), pp. 3-25, January 2003
► Metaanalysis by A. Higgins, C. Allison, LC Morton, Gender differences in self-conscious emotional experience: a meta-analysis, presented by Psychological Bulletin, issue 138, September 2012
Critical assessment: ► Article CMNI – Misandry in Psychological Research, presented by MenAreGood.com, 20. September 2013
See also: ► Gender research and ► Stolz – Pride and ► Humiliation and ► Dignity

Men shamed by women ♦ women frightened by men

Predicament of shamed men and scared women
Men frightening their female partnersWomen shaming their male partners
Men's sizeMother's size and women's power
Male voiceWomen's siren call to return to the womb
Male angerWomen's cutting words
Men's emotional withdrawalWomen's emotional demands
Source: ► Article by Jed Diamond, Ph.D., US American psychotherapist, author,
Why Men Frighten Women, And Women Shame Men, PDF, presented by uploady.com, past 2011

 

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Biological reason why men are prone to be shamed

  • Although the human egg is microscopic, it is large enough to house 250,000 sperm. Eggs weigh 85,000 times as much as sperm. Think how you’d feel if you had to merge with someone who was 85,000 times heavier than you? Now, think of the competition involved in mating. There are fifty million to five hundred million sperm per ejaculation.

 

  • Men’s basic need is for respect, just as women’s basic need is to be cherished.
    He needs to feel like a winner, that he can beat the competition and be the chosen one.

 

2003 study on shame and pride based gender norms
Shame is a major building block of traditional gender roles.
NormAttitudeNormed behaviors confirmed by men and women
Male role norms
Conformity to Adolescent Masculine Norms Inventory (CMNI)
PRIDE
Shadow shame
⚑ Have power over women!
⚑ Apply violence!
⚑ Disdain homosexuals!
⚑ Behave as playboy!
Win!
⚑ Apply emotional control!
⚑ Take risks!
⚑ Be self-reliant!
⚑ Adopt the primacy of work!
⚑ Pursue status!
⚑ Strive for dominance!
⚑ Show no empathy!
Female role norms
Conformity to Femininity Norms Inventory (CFNI)
SHAME
Humiliation
⚑ Be nice in relationships!
⚑ Be thin!
⚑ Be modest!
⚑ Be domestic!
⚑ Keep to sexual fidelity!
⚑ Care for the children!
⚑ Strive for romantic relationships!
⚑ Use all resources for appearance!
⚑ Show no empathy!
Source: ► Study by James R. Mahalik, Ph.D., US American professor of counseling, developmental and educational psychology,
Boston College, Boston, presented in Psychology of Men & Masculinity, Vol 4(1), pp. 3-25, January 2003
Critical assessment: ► Article CMNI – Misandry in Psychological Research, presented by MenAreGood.com, 20. September 2013
See also: ► Pride and ► Shame

Courage to stand up for one's beliefs vs. possible embarrassment

Briefly before US American speaker and bestseller author Marianne Williamson was about to start her lecture she was informed:
First Lady Laura Bush is among the audience. Williamson wondered if she would bog down or give her speech regarding her view on then current US president George W. Bush's politics whatsoever.
She decided to honor her stance even when facing an awkward situation.
She took care to refrain from personally demonizing the sitting President Bush or embarrassing his wife in public.

 

At the end of her talk shortly before shaking hands she was about to say to Laura Bush that she felt sorry, if she had offended her in any way. Laura Bush stopped her before she could open her mouth and repeated twice,

"You did great. You did great."

Pride ⇔ shame – Lao Tzu

Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others.
And
shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others.
When one sets his heart
on being highly esteemed, and achieves such rating,
then he is automatically involved in fear of losing his status.

Lao-Tzu (604-531 BC) Chinese sage, philosopher, founder of Daoism, author of Tao Te Ching [The Book of the Way]

Index: Scham / Shame – Bücher von D. Hawkins

Englische Werke

Index: Audio- und Videomedien (engl.) von und mit D. Hawkins

 

Links zum Thema Scham (BW 20) / Shame

Literatur

Literature (engl.)

Externe Weblinks


External web links (engl.)


Audio- und Videolinks

Audio and video links (engl.)

Audio and video links (engl.) – Brené Brown

  • Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Shame and Empathy, YouTube film, 8:39 minutes duration, posted 17. April 2007

Excerpt from Brené Brown's new psychoeducational shame-resilience curriculum; the destructive nature of shame and the healing power of empathy

Research indicates that guilt (linked with empathy) is the more adaptive emotion as it can motivate people to behave in a moral, caring, socially responsible manner. Shame (about the self) (linked with aggression) can easily go awry.

  • Video interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Healing Shame, presented by Houston PBS, program Living Smart, host Patricia Gras (*1960) US American television anchor, reporter, journalist, YouTube film, 26:48 minutes duration, posted 16. March 2010

Shame effects women and men differently.

  • Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Listening to shame, presented by TED Talks, YouTube film, 20:38 minutes duration, posted 16. March 2012
    "Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior."

 

Interne Links

Wiki-Ebene

English

 

 

1 Article "Sex Roles", volume 52, issue 7, S. 417-435, April 2005

2 Article in Psychology of Men & Masculinity, vol. 4, #1, S. 3-25, 2003

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