SpiritualWiki - Ebene20

Scham ist dem Tod (Tod = Null) nahe. Wer sich schämt, möchte am liebsten im Boden versinken und unsichtbar sein. Scham äußert sich bei vielen Menschen in Schüchternheit und Introvertiertheit oder auch in äußerst rigiden Moralvorstellungen. Sie kann Psychosen, Paranoia und bizarre Verbrechen zur Folge haben. Der Schamzerfressene betrachtet das eigene Selbst als unwürdig und schlecht und spricht sich selbst das Lebensrecht ab. Je nach Temperament wird das Gefühl der totalen Auslöschung introvertiert oder extrovertiert gelebt.

In vielen Kulturen war die schrecklichste Strafe jene der Verbannung, denn Menschen, die von der Gemeinschaft ausgeschlossen wurden, hatten fast keine Chance zu überleben. Heute manifestiert sich diese Ebene zum Beispiel im Namen der französischen Vorstädte, den «Banlieus», Bannmeilen, wo jene Menschen leben, deren der Staat sich schämt und sie womöglich jahrelang vernachlässigt und aus dem Bewusstsein verdrängt hat.

Insgeheim ist Stolz der Auslöser für Scham. Die Abwehrmechanismen von Beschämten sind, mit Beschuldigungen (Schuld) oder Aggression anzugreifen.

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Scham-Ebene: Tabelle der Anziehungen und Abneigungen

Anziehungen und Abneigungen auf der Ebene von Scham

Anziehung	Abneigung
Selbstbestrafung, Selbsthass	Selbstvergebung
Depression	Sich für das Leben entscheiden
Verurteilen	Sich GOTTES Gnade anheimstellen
Negativität	Standpunkte aufgeben
Schrumpfen, sich verbergen	Sichtbar und ansprechbar sein
Das Selbst als wertlos ansehen	Das Geschenk des Lebens bejahen
Starre Vorstellung über sich selbst	Korrigierbar, flexibel
Verdammen	Vergeben
Demütigung	Sich für Selbstwert entscheiden
Verunglimpfung	Selbstachtung
Streng	Gütig
Unausgeglichen, einseitig, sprunghaft, unzuverlässig	Beide Seiten abwägen
Sich selbst beschuldigen	Das unwissende Ego beschuldigen
Fehler übertreiben	Grenzen überschreiten
Selektive Teilansicht	Ausgewogene Gesamtschau
Sich selbst als Verlierer betrachten	Sich selbst korrigieren, Fehler wiedergutmachen
Ende des Weges	Beginn des Neuen
Sich als nicht liebenswert empfinden	Sich als Kind GOTTES würdig und wert empfinden
Ein Irrtum ist unverzeihlich.	Ein Irrtum ist eine Lernlektion.
Narzisstische Ausrichtung	Fürsorge und Betreuung für andere
Sich selbst selbstüberschätzend dienen	Dem Leben dienen
Schwelgen	Egoistische Standpunkte aufgeben
Sich als Mittelpunkt des Lebens sehen	Sich als Mitspieler und Teilnehmer des Lebens verstehen
Auf sich selbst bezogen sein	Sich auf andere ausrichten
"Hätte (tun, denken...) sollen"	War damals nicht fähig dazu

Inspiriert durch: ► D. Hawkins, Erleuchtung ist möglich. Wie man die Ebenen des Bewusstseins durchschreitet, S. 47f, 2008

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Zitate zum Thema Scham (BW 20) / Shame

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Zitate von D. Hawkins

⚠ Achtung Siehe Power vs. Truth (engl.) Januar 2013

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Quotes by D. Hawkins

⚠ Caveat See Power vs. Truth, January 2013

Energy Level 20 Shame

People at this emotional level are vulnerable to all the other negative emotions. They wish they were invisible. Banishment is a traditional accompaniment. It is destructive to health. Shame leads to cruelty to self and others and often results in paranoia, delusions, and psychosis. Source unknown

Wüste in Marokko

The level of Shame is perilously proximate to death, which may be chosen out of Shame as conscious suicide or more subtly elected by failure to take steps to prolong life. Death by avoidable accident is common here. We all have some awareness of the pain of "losing face", becoming discredited, or feeling like a "nonperson". In shame we hang our heads and sink away, wishing we were invisible. Power vs. Force. The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, chapter 4 "Levels of Human Consciousness", S. 76, Hay House, February 2002

The behavior of people whose consciousness is only in the 20s is dangerous: they're prone to hallucinations of an accusatory nature, as well as paranoia; some become psychotic or commit bizarre crimes. Power vs. Force. The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, chapter 4, "Levels of Human Consciousness", S. 77, Hay House, February 2002

Loc 350 – Acceptance: The maturity of Acceptance includes the ability to tranquilly accept both personal and human limitations without loss of self-esteem because value judgements have lost their validity and are now seen to be primarily arbitrary, personalized choices. Transcending Levels of Consciousness. The Stairway to Enlightenment, S. 217, 2005

To undo shame, it is helpful to realize that it is based on pride. The loss of status is painful to the degree that the ego relies on pride as a prop to self-esteem. Were it not for narcissistic pride, a mistake or negative feedback would be experienced only as a regret and ascribed to human frailty and fallibility. Mistakes help one retain humility. Along the Path to Enlightenment. 365 Reflections from David R. Hawkins, edited by Scott Jeffrey, Reflection of October 18th, January 2011

Every time you attack the ego you reinforce it through guilt and shame. Attacking the ego — making it wrong and labeling it "sin" – is not helpful. You can only transcend it by familiarity, non-condemnation, acceptance, and compassion for one's own ego. Interview with D. Hawkins, On the Trilogy of Book 1, 2 and 3, presented by the dissolved blog Openexchange.org, Susanne Spitzer, 2004

Stupidity is innate to the human condition, ignorance is what we are all born here with, we have a hardware computer with no programs on it. Shame is a technique used by parents, a misfortunate one. "Shame on you!" To teach a child to shame oneself is not too great a technique. It’s good for my business with Prozac, all this stuff really helps with shame. So, they build up my business, but it’s not really a very good technique. Sedona Seminar Advaita. The Way to God through Mind, DVD 2 of 3, track 5, minute 40:50-42:44, August 2002

Question: What are the best ways to heal shame?
Answer: Shame is a tough one until you recontextualize it. Shame is really vanity, pride. Shame is pride projected onto society and you visit it back upon yourself. You let go of pridefulness and own that being a human leads you to being fallible. It’s OK to be stupid and make terrible mistakes. It’s inevitable. How can you evolve unless you make really bad mistakes? You can’t. So shame is then looking at your own behavior from the viewpoint of pride. From pride this looks like disgraceful behavior, but if you let go pride, it looks more like stupidity. Sedona Seminar Advaita. The Way to God through Mind, DVD 2 of 3, track 5, minute 41:50, August 2002

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Eternal hopelessness at the bottom of hell

If we can't get what we want, then all these negative feelings come up. We're miserable, we're despairing, we’re going to commit suicide. When we give up, we reach hopelessness and go into apathy. For physical survival, the ego serves a function. If we don't get what we want, the approval we want, society's approval, we experience shame. Ultimately we end up in hell. In the bottom of hell, there is eternal hopelessness, more ghastly than I can describe. Sedona Seminar Emotions and Sensations, 3 DVD set, 17. April 2004

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Zitate von anderen Quellen

Empfehlung

Betrachte es als die größte Schande, das nackte Leben der Scham vorzuziehen und um des Lebens willen die Gründe, für die es sich zu leben lohnt, zu verlieren. Juvenal (1.-2. Jht.) römischer Satirendichter, Quelle unbekannt

Schlussfolgerung

Ich bezeichne das Gefühl der Erniedrigung als "die Atombombe der Emotionen". DDr. Evelin Gerda Lindner (*1954) deutsche Ärztin, Psychologin, Würde- und Erniedrigungsforscherin, Gründerin und Präsidentin des Forschungsnetzwerks Human Dignity and Humiliation Studies, Emotion and Conflict. How Human Rights Can Dignify Emotion and Help Us Wage Good Conflict, S. 84, Praeger, Erstausgabe 20. März 2009

Einsicht

Scham ist die Wächterin der menschlichen Würde. Léon Wurmser (*1931) schweizstämmiger US-amerikanischer Psychiater, Psychoanalytiker, Autor, Die Maske der Scham. Die Psychoanalyse von Schamaffekten und Schamkonflikten, Springer Berlin Heidelberg, 12. März 1990, 3. Auflage 1997, Klotz, Magdeburg, 6. Taschenbuch Auflage 10. Mai 2010

Nacktheit als solche darf nicht gleichgesetzt werden mit physischer Schamlosigkeit. Unanständigkeit ist nur gegeben, wenn Nacktheit eine negative Rolle in Hinsicht auf den Wert einer Person spielt […] Der menschliche Körper ist nicht an sich beschämend, noch sind es sinnliche Reaktionen aus demselben Grund, und menschliche Sinnlichkeit im Allgemeinen. Schamlosigkeit (genau wie Scham und Anstand) ist eine Funktion des Inneren der Person. Johannes Paul II. [BW 570] (1920-2005) Papst der römisch-katholischen Kirche (1978-2005), Quelle unbekannt

Den finsteren Gedanken, die Scham, die Bosheit, begrüße sie mit einem Lachen an der Tür und bitte sie herein. Danke jedem für sein Kommen, denn sie alle haben dir etwas Wichtiges mitzuteilen. Dschalal ad-Din Rumi [BW 550] (1207-1273) persischer islamischer Mystiker, Jurist, Theologe, Dichter des Sufismus, Gedicht Das Gästehaus

Liebe ist das probateste Mittel, um das Schamgefühl zu überwinden. ⚡ Sigmund Freud [BW 499] (1856-1939) österreichischer Neurologe, Tiefenpsychologe, Begründer der Psychoanalyse, Religionskritiker, Autor, Quelle unbekannt

Der Verlust von Scham ist das erste Zeichen von Schwachsinn. […] Kinder, die sexuell stimuliert werden, sind nicht mehr erziehungsfähig […]. Die Zerstörung der Scham bewirkt eine Enthemmung auf allen anderen Gebieten, eine Brutalität und Missachtung der Persönlichkeit des Mitmenschen. ⚡ Sigmund Freud [BW 499] (1856-1939) österreichischer Neurologe, Tiefenpsychologe, Begründer der Psychoanalyse, Religionskritiker, Autor, Gesammelte Werke Band 7 (1906-1909), S. 149, Fischer, 7. Auflage 1. Januar 1941

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Scham sitzt an den Kreuzungspunkten von Individuum und Gesellschaft.

Es gibt ein Gefühl, bei dem Eltern aufmerken sollten, wenn es bei ihrem Kind auftritt: die Scham. Scham ist das Gefühl, das an den Konfliktpunkten zwischen Individuum und Gesellschaft entsteht. Wessen wir uns schämen, das decken wir bei uns zu und lieben es nicht. Wir fürchten die Schande: mit Schimpf und Schande verstoßen zu werden. Das gesellschaftlich Verpönte weckt im Individuum Scham. Solche sozial bedingte Scham ist nicht mit der natürlichen Scham, das heißt der Zurückhaltung, zu verwechseln, die wir manchmal brauchen, um zu uns zu kommen und bei uns zu bleiben. Menschen, die sich oft vor anderen schämen, sind unfrei, lieben sich nicht. Peter Schellenbaum (*1939) Schweizer Psychoanalytiker, Sachbuchautor, Die Wunde der Ungeliebten. Blockierung und Verlebendigung der Liebe, S. 17, Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag, Neuauflage 1. September 1992

Scham ist die unentbehrliche Wächterin der Privatheit und der Innerlichkeit, eine Wächterin, die den Kern unserer Persönlichkeit schützt – unsere intensivsten Gefühle, unseren Sinn der Identität und Integrität und vor allem unsere sexuellen Wünsche, Erlebnisse und Körperteile. Ohne diese Hülle der Scham fühlt man sich der Würde beraubt. Léon Wurmser (*1931) schweizstämmiger US-amerikanischer Psychiater, Psychoanalytiker, Autor, Scham und der böse Blick. Verstehen der negativen therapeutischen Reaktion, S. 39, W. Kohlhammer Verlag, Stuttgart, 2014

Tiefgreifende Veränderungen anstreben, heißt, Lösungen zu suchen, die v e r l e t z l i c h machen – und genau das lehnen die meisten Menschen ab. [...] Paradoxerweise wirkt genau das, was scheinbar zu nichts führt. [...] Die Ermutigung, sich anderen Menschen gegenüber verletzlich zu zeigen, bietet einen Ausweg aus der Scham. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. C.A.S., führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 254, Kösel-Verlag, 1992

Scham beruht auf der inneren Überzeugung, nicht annehmbar zu sein. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. C.A.S., führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 259, Kösel-Verlag, 1992

Scham und Heimlichkeit waren mitverantwortlich für die Entstehung der Sexsucht und Scham und Heimlichkeit (Sicherheit in der Anonymität) und behindern auch ihre Überwindung. Patrick Carnes, Ph.D. C.A.S., führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 431, Kösel-Verlag, 1992

Scham flößt uns das Gefühl ein, dass wir nicht gut genug sind und es niemals sein werden. Daher ist Scham Gift für unser Glück, da sie Millionen Menschen dazu bringt, angesichts ihrer körperlichen Reaktionen zu verzweifeln – und das ein Leben lang. Dr. med. Deepak Chopra [BW 500⇒195] (*1946) indienstämmiger US-amerikanischer Endokrinologe, ehemals Leibarzt von Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Leiter eines alternativen Gesundheitszentrums in San Diego, Referent, Autor, Kama Sutra. Die spirituellen Gesetze der Liebe, Ariston, 1. Auflage 13. Februar 2007

Wo Scham ist, da ist Ehre. Deutsches Sprichwort

Wo man keine Scham empfindet, da empfindet man auch keine Ehre. Äthiopisches Sprichwort

Literaturzitate

Was ist dir das Menschlichste? Jemandem Scham zu ersparen. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Philologe, Kulturkritiker, Philosoph des Nihilismus [BW 120], Schriftsteller, Werke in drei Bänden, Band II, Die fröhliche Wissenschaft, Ernst Schmeitzner, Chemnitz, 1882, Carl Hanser Verlag, München, 1954/1956, Insel Verlag, 18. April 2000

Was ist das Siegel der erreichbaren Freiheit? Sich nicht mehr vor sich selbst zu schämen. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Philologe, Kulturkritiker, Philosoph des Nihilismus [BW 120], Schriftsteller, Werke in drei Bänden, Band II, Die fröhliche Wissenschaft, Ernst Schmeitzner, Chemnitz, 1882, Carl Hanser Verlag, München, 1954/1956, Insel Verlag, 18. April 2000

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Zitate von Brené Brown

Persönliche Bekenntnisse

Ich denke Scham ist wahrscheinlich die primitivste menschliche Emotion, die wir erleben können. Videopräsentation Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-Forscherin, Universität von Houston, Referentin, Autorin, PBS Interview, Teil 1 von 2, präsentiert von Houston PBS, Sendung "Living Smart", Gastgeberin Patricia Gras (*1960), YouTube Film, 4:55 Minuten Dauer, eingestellt 2. März 2008

Scham hasst es, mit Worten belegt zu werden. Wenn wir über sie sprechen, löst sich ihr Zugriff auf uns. Ein Großteil meiner Arbeit ist Hilfestellung und Versprachlichung, damit die Leute verstehen und einen Sinn in ihren eigenen Erlebnissen zu erkennen. Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-Forscherin, Universität von Houston, Referentin, Autorin, Professor Encourages Openness to Vulnerability, präsentiert von Giving, Pride Stories, Universität von Houston, Texas, 20. November 2013

Scham zu erkennen, ist ein wichtiges Werkzeug, um unsere Kraft wiederzugewinnen. Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-Forscherin, Universität von Houston, Referentin, Autorin, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough". Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power, S. 74, Avery, 27. Dezember 2007

Wenn du deine Geschichte erzählst und die Geschichten der anderen anhörst, zwingst du die Scham, aus ihrem Versteck herauszukommen und beendest das Schweigen. Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-Forscherin, Universität von Houston, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt

Wenn man sich anderen zuwendet, ist einer der wichtigsten Nutzen zu lernen, dass die Erfahrungen, die uns am stärksten dazu bringen, uns mutterseelenallein zu fühlen, tatsächlich weltumfassend sind. Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-Forscherin, Universität von Houston, Referentin, Autorin, Quelle unbekannt

Es gibt nichts Frustrierenderes und manchmal Erschreckenderes als Schmerz zu fühlen, ohne ihn jemandem beschreiben oder erklären zu können. Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-Forscherin, Universität von Houston, Referentin, Autorin, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough". Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power, S. 138, Avery, 27. Dezember 2007

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Quotes by various other sources

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Compare with:

Gospel of Thomas [LoC 660], verse 022, 50-140 AD

You enter the Kingdom when you tread upon the garment of shame, and when the two become one and the male with the female neither male nor female. Greek Gospel of the Egyptians, quoted by Clement of Alexandria (~150-~215 AD) Greek scholar in classical Greek philosophy and literature, converted Christian theologian, Catechetical School of Alexandria, Stromata, trilogy of works on the Christian life, Second Epistle of Clement, chapter xii.2, 198-203

Personal avowals

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Public slut-shaming worldwide pushed Lewinsky to the brink of death – compassion helped her out of the shame trap.

I was Patient Zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously. Minute 3:55

In 1998 [at age 24], I lost my reputation and my dignity. I lost almost everything, and I almost lost my life. Minute 6:09

A meta-analysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations more significantly than offline bullying. Minute 12:26

And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn't have, was another research last year that determined humiliation was a more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger. Minute 12:37

Video presentation by Monica Lewinsky (*1973) US American former White House intern (1995-1996), media shaming target #1 due to a political sex scandal with US president Bill Clinton, 1998, social psychologist, anti-cyberbullying activist, The price of shame transcript, presented by TED Talks, Vancouver, Canada, filmed 19. March 2015, minute 13:22, 22:31 minutes duration, posted 20. March 2015

When you dismiss my story you dismiss who I am; you diminish me. Leland R. Beaumont, US American electrical engineer, computer scientist, quality technologist, system's thinker, creator and webmaster of EmotionalCompetency.com, source unknown

Conclusion

The truth about childhood is stored up in our bodies and lives in the depths of our souls. Our intellect can be deceived, our feelings can be numbed and manipulated, our perceptions shamed and confused, our bodies tricked with medication, but our soul never forgets. And because we are one, one whole soul in one body, someday our body will present its bill. The wounded and lost child is only in hiding; the soul is still whole in spirit. Ultimately, our deepest self will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting or contaminating us until we stop evading the truth. Alice Miller (1923-2010) Swiss psychologist, psychoanalyst, world renowned author on child abuse, The Drama of the Gifted Child. The Search for the True Self, Basic Books, revised edition 1997

Fundamental culture: based on human dignity, equality, caring LoC 200+

On the fundamental level there are no differences between all human beings. Mentally, emotionally, physically we are the same. On that level there is hardly any reason to fight.

Secondary culture: status based, pride⇔shame based Below LoC 200

On the secondary level there are a lot of divisions and barriers. On the secondary level there are different nationalities, different races, different colors, different religions. Within the communities there are the richer, the poorer, the educated, the uneducated, the more respected because of their highly esteemed professions, some are looked down because of their work.
Many man-made problems, I believe, are due to too much emphasis on the secondary level of differences. We are forgetting the basic oneness of human beings. Video presentation by H.H. 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso [LoC 570] (*1935) Tibetan monk, leader of the Gelug or "Yellow Hat" branch of Tibetan Buddhism, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, 1989, Peace Summit, presented by the Canadian broadcast television network CTV Television Network, part 2 of 4, 2/3rd section, minute 50:13-55:00, Vancouver, Canada, Sunday 27. September 2009

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. Eleanor Roosevelt [Influence LoC 495] (1884-1962) US American First Lady (1933-1945) supporter of her husband Franklin Delano Roosevelt's "New Deal" policies [LoC 340], advocate for civil rights, enhancer of the status of working women, chairwoman of the United Nations committee that drafted and approved the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

The most dangerous men on earth are those who are afraid they are wimps. James Gilligan, Ph.D., US American psychiatrist, violence expert, author, source unknown

One of the most difficult, yet healing experiences for most men, is to just let ourselves be held and nurtured. The main reason that men are so preoccupied with sex, I believe, is that they are ashamed of their desire to be held like a child. Jed Diamond, Ph.D., US American psychotherapist, author, 10 Tips for Keeping Irritable Male Syndrome From Wrecking Your Relationship, autumn 2010

People select what they want to remember. And you have to remember the bad times. A lot of people are too ashamed to remember the bad times. If you can remember the shame, you can face it. The act of remembering makes you stronger. Because you survived it. You got through it. And it made you strong. Antwone Quenton Fisher (*1959) US American director, film producer, screenwriter, author, cited in: At Home with Antoine Quenton Fisher. A Child's Tale Told in Disbelief, presented by the US American daily newspaper The New York Times, Alex Kuczynski, 13. December 2001

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Paradox of shame

While pride is our emotional reward for doing good, shame is our emotional punishment for doing bad. Unfortunately, if our shame is too intense, or if we become depressed or obsessed with our digression, it can be debilitating and counterproductive. Consider shame as a slap on the wrist, examine what you did wrong, and take constructive steps to improve and move forward. Article Shame. We feel badly about ourselves, presented by Emotional Competency, undated

The truly humble person cannot be humiliated.
The fear of humiliation appears to be one of the most powerful motivators in individual and collective human behavior. Donald Charles Klein, Ph.D. (1923-2007) US American clinical psychologist, Human Dignity and Humiliation Studies. Breaking the Cycle of Humiliation, presented by humiliationstudies.org, undated

The difference between how a person treats the powerless versus the powerful is as good a measure of human character as I know. Robert I. Sutton, US American professor of management science, Stanford Engineering School, evidence-based management researcher, source unknown

There's a shame that cripples, and a shame that stands us up in integrity. Without shame, there would be no conscience. Robert Augustus Masters, Ph.D. robertmasters.com (*1947) Canadian psychologist, psychotherapist, cult leader of Xanthyros community, author, Facebook comment, 26. September 2010

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Quotes by Brené Brown

Personal avowals

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Most primitive human emotion

I think shame is probably the most primitive human emotion that we can experience. Video interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, PBS Interview, part 1 of 2, presented by Houston PBS, program "Living Smart", host Patricia Gras (*1960) US American television anchor, reporter, journalist, YouTube film, 4:55 minutes duration, posted 2. March 2008

Recommendations

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Share shame with trusted confidents and friends

We need to share with those who have earned the right to hear it and people who are invested in the friendship. Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. Sharing and hearing intimate stories is also not most people's "default setting," since we tend to self-protect from hurtful things. If someone drops a shame bomb on me, I am likely to give a non-compassionate response if my own resources feel scarce. Interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by the US American liberal-oriented online newspaper The Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011

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Languaging shame

Shame hates to have words wrapped around it. If we talk about it, it loses its grip on us. A lot of my work is about helping give people language to understand, to make meaning out of their own experiences. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Professor Encourages Openness to Vulnerability, presented by Giving, Pride Stories, University of Houston, 20. November 2013

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Unable to language shame

There is nothing more frustrating, and sometimes frightening, than feeling pain and not being able to describe or explain it to someone. It doesn't matter if it's physical pain or emotional pain. When we can't find the right words to explain our painful experiences to others, we often feel alone and scared. Some of us may even feel anger or rage or act out. Eventually, many of us shut down and either live silently with the pain, or in cases where we can't, accept someone else's definition of what we are feeling simply out of the desperate need to find some remedy. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough". Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power, S. 138, Avery, paperback 27. December 2007

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Shame is correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying.

Shame is far more likely to cause destructive behaviors than it is to cure them. [...] Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying. [...] Shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change for the better. [...] Shame is 'I am that', guilt is 'I did that'. Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Is shame good?, YouTube film, minute 00:39, 3:12 minutes duration, posted 2. March 2008

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Name shame!

Recognizing shame is an important tool for regaining our power. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough". Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power, S. 74, Avery, paperback 27. December 2007

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Tell your story! Receive confessions!

By telling your story and hearing others’ stories you force shame out of hiding and end the [pathological] silence. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, source unknown

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Shame is a universal experience.

One of the most important benefits of reaching out to others is learning that the experiences that make us feel the most alone are actually universal experiences. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough". Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy and Power, S. 116, Avery, paperback 27. December 2007

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'Not enough' shame is lingering below grandiosity.

Underneath the so-called narcissistic personality is definitely shame and the paralyzing fear of being ordinary. Often it's hard for people to believe that someone in their life who is critical and rejecting of them is really suffering from their own shame. Both shame and grandiosity come from the same feeling that "if I'm not above the rest, I'm not enough." Interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by the US American online newspaper The Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011

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Secretiveness – ensuring addictiveness

Our secrets definitely keep us addicted, which is probably why there are online sites where people can divest themselves of their secrets, anonymously. But because shame happens between people, there is no substitute for telling on ourselves, so to speak, to someone else and making ourselves vulnerable. Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive. Interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by the US American online newspaper The Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011

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Empathy is the antidote to epidemic shame.

Shame is an epidemic in our culture. […] Empathy is the antidote to shame.
If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things things to grow exponentially:
⚑ secrecy,
⚑ [pathological] silence and
⚑ judgement.

If you put the same amount of shame into a petri dish and douse it with empathy it can't survive.
Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Listening to shame, presented by TED Talks, YouTube film, minute 18:07, 20:38 minutes duration, posted 16. March 2012

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Englische Texte – English section on Shame

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Differentiating shame ⇔ guilt

The painful feeling of shame is believing one is flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame is self focused (being – passive): I am bad.
Guilt is behavior focused (doing – active): I did something bad.

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Shame, Resilience and Cutting:

Recognizing shame and understanding our triggers
Practicing critical awareness
Reaching out
Speaking shame

Source: ► Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Is shame good?, YouTube film, minute 00:39, 3:12 minutes duration, posted 2. March 2008

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Gender norms within male dominated systems

Metaanalysis on studies on shame and pride based gender norms

Shame is a major building block of traditional gender roles.

Male role norms PRIDE ♦ Shadow shame	Female role norms SHAME ♦ Humiliation
Normed behaviors confirmed by men Conformity to Femininity Norms Inventory (CFNI)¹	Normed behaviors confirmed by women Conformity to Adolescent Masculine Norms Inventory (CMNI)²
⚑ Have power over women! ⚑ Apply violence! ⚑ Behave as a playboy! ⚑ Win! ⚑ Apply emotional control! ⚑ Disdain homosexuals! ⚑ Take risks! ⚑ Be self-reliant! ⚑ Adopt the primacy of work! ⚑ Pursue status! ⚑ Strive for dominance! ⚑ Show NO empathy!	⚑ Be nice in relationships! ⚑ Be thin! ⚑ Be modest! ⚑ Be domestic! ⚑ Keep to sexual fidelity! ⚑ Care for the children! ⚑ Strive for romantic relationships! ⚑ Use all resources for appearance! ⚑ Show no empathy!

Sources: ► Paul W. Efthim, Maureen E. Kenny, James R. Mahalik, Boston College, Boston, 2001 study abstract Gender Role Stress in Relation to Shame, Guilt, and Externalization, presented by Journal of Counseling and Development JCD, Questia, September 2001 ► Metaanalysis by James R. Mahalik, Ph.D., US American professor of counseling, developmental and educational psychology, Boston College, Boston, presented by the peer-reviewed academic journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity, Vol 4(1), pp. 3-25, January 2003 ► Metaanalysis by A. Higgins, C. Allison, LC Morton, Gender differences in self-conscious emotional experience: a meta-analysis, presented by the free MEDLINE database PubMed, published in the bimonthly peer-reviewed academic journal Psychological Bulletin, issue 138, September 2012
Critical assessment: ► Blog article CMNI – Misandry in Psychological Research, presented by MenAreGood, 20. September 2013

See also: ► Gender research and ► Relationship tips and ► Pride and ► Humiliation and ► Dignity

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Men shamed by women ♦ women frightened by men

Predicament of shamed men and scared women

Men frightening their female partners	Women shaming their male partners
Men's size	Mother's size and women's power
Male voice	Women's siren call to return to the womb
Male anger	Women's cutting words
Men's emotional withdrawal	Women's emotional demands

Source: ► Blog article by Dave Pamah, Why Men Frighten Women, And Women Shame Men, 31. August 2013

See also: ► Fear and ► Pride

Biological reason why men are prone to be shamed
"Although the human egg is microscopic, it is large enough to house 250,000 sperm. Eggs weigh 85,000 times as much as sperm. Think how you'd feel if you had to merge with someone who was 85,000 times heavier than you? Now, think of the competition involved in mating. There are fifty million to five hundred million sperm per ejaculation." Dave Pamah

"Men's basic need is for respect, just as women's basic need is to be cherished.
He needs to feel like a winner, that he can beat the competition and be the chosen one." Dave Pamah

2003 study on shame and pride based gender norms

Shame is a major building block of traditional gender roles.

Norm	Attitude	Normed behaviors confirmed by men and women
Male role norms Conformity to Adolescent Masculine Norms Inventory (CMNI)	PRIDE Shadow shame	⚑ Have power over women! ⚑ Apply violence! ⚑ Disdain homosexuals! ⚑ Behave as playboy!	⚑ Win! ⚑ Apply emotional control! ⚑ Take risks! ⚑ Be self-reliant!	⚑ Adopt the primacy of work! ⚑ Pursue status! ⚑ Strive for dominance! ⚑ Show no empathy!
Female role norms Conformity to Femininity Norms Inventory (CFNI)	SHAME Humiliation	⚑ Be nice in relationships! ⚑ Be thin! ⚑ Be modest!	⚑ Be domestic! ⚑ Keep to sexual fidelity! ⚑ Care for the children!	⚑ Strive for romantic relationships! ⚑ Use all resources for appearance! ⚑ Show no empathy!

Source: ► Study by James R. Mahalik, Ph.D., US American professor of counseling, developmental and educational psychology,
Boston College, Boston, presented in Psychology of Men & Masculinity, Vol 4(1), pp. 3-25, January 2003

Critical assessment: ► Article CMNI – Misandry in Psychological Research, presented by Men Are Good, 20. September 2013

See also: ► Relationship tips and ► Pride and ► Gender norms within male dominated systems

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Courage to stand up for one's beliefs ⇔ possible embarrassment

Briefly before US American speaker and bestselling author Marianne Williamson was about to start her lecture she was informed:
First Lady Laura Bush is among the audience. Williamson wondered if she would bog down or give her speech regarding her view on then current US president ⚡ George W. Bush's politics whatsoever.
She decided to honor her stance even when facing an awkward situation.
She took care to refrain from personally demonizing the sitting President Bush or embarrassing his wife in public.

At the end of her talk shortly before shaking hands she was about to say to Laura Bush that she felt sorry, if she had offended her in any way. Laura Bush stopped her before she could open her mouth and repeated twice,

"You did great. You did great."

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Afflicted emotions and human dignity

According to the psychodynamic theory of Hungarian US American psychoanalyst Sandor Rado, M.D. (1890-1972) shame and guilt are the most destructive emotions within a group of emergency emotions (including anger,
grief, greed, and pride) damaging the whole and undermining the good of all.

Whoever feels shamed, fixates inwardly. The inviolable human dignity –
both the sacred and the tabooed ? – has been desecrated (dishonored) in front of and by others.

Whoever feels guilty, fixates outwardly.
He or she desecrates (dishonors) their inalieable innate inviolable human dignity.

Restored feeling	Achievement	Implication
Transformed shame	Beyond inferiority and victimhood	Sense for the sacred
Transformed guilt	Beyond self-defeating flagellation	Sense of regret, reversion, recontextualising, metanoia
Transformed grief	Beyond indictment and whining	Sense of understanding for the human condition and compassion
Transformed righteous anger ("Holy" wrath)	Beyond disempowering aggression	Sense of justice and the strength ready to launch social reforms
Transformed pride	Beyond superiority and supremacy, narcissm and predatory impulses	Sense of divine dignity, reflected in human dignity

See also: ► Dignity and ► Guilt and ► Grief and ► Anger and ► Pride

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Pride ⇔ shame – Lao Tzu

Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others.
And shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others.
When one sets his heart on being highly esteemed, and achieves such rating,
then he is automatically involved in fear of losing his status.

Source: ► Lao Tzu (604-531 BC) Chinese sage, philosopher, founder of Daoism,
Tao Te Ching [The Book of the Way], verse 13, 800-200 BC

See also: ► Lao Tzu and ► Pride

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Index: Scham / Shame – Bücher von D. Hawkins

Buch 1, S. 69
Buch 2, S. 443 (Skala)
Buch 3, S. 553 (Skala)
Buch 5, Kapitel 1 "Scham: Hoffnungslosigkeit", S. 31ff

Englische Werke

Buch 1E Hay House, S. 68 (Skala)
Buch 4E, S. 412 (Skala)
Buch 5E, chapter 1 "Shame: Despair", S. 31ff

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Index: Audio- und Videomedien (engl.) von und mit D. Hawkins

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Links zum Thema Scham (BW 20) / Shame

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Literatur

Léon Wurmser (*1931) schweizstämmiger US-amerikanischer Psychiater, Psychoanalytiker, Autor, Die Maske der Scham. Die Psychoanalyse von Schamaffekten und Schamkonflikten, Springer Berlin Heidelberg, 12. März 1990, 3. Auflage 1997, Klotz, Magdeburg, 6. Taschenbuch Auflage 10. Mai 2010
Stephan Marks (*1951) deutscher Sozialwissenschaftler, Autor, Die Würde des Menschen oder Der blinde Fleck in unserer Gesellschaft, Gütersloher Verlagshaus, 25. Oktober 2010
Léon Wurmser (*1931) schweizstämmiger US-amerikanischer Psychiater, Psychoanalytiker, Autor, ''Scham und der böse Blick. Verstehen der negativen therapeutischen Reaktion’', W. Kohlhammer Verlag, Stuttgart, 2014

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Literature (engl.)

Jon Ronson (*1967) Welsh documentary filmmaker, radio presenter, journalist, nonfiction author, So You've Been Publicly Shamed, Riverhead Books, 31. March 2015

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Externe Weblinks

Wikipedia-Eingträge Nacktheit, Scham

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External web links (engl.)

Wikipedia entries Nakedness, Shame

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Audio- und Videolinks

Video Fernsehdokumentation/Talkrunde mit Gast Prof. Dr. Ute Frevert (*1954) deutsche Historikerin, Direktorin des Forschungsbereichs Geschichte der Gefühle, Max-Planck-Institut für Bildungsforschung, Berlin (*2008), Autorin, scobel: Scham und Schuld. Das Schamgefühl verweist auf Makel, die sichtbar geworden sind'', präsentiert von dem deutschsprachigen öffentlich-rechtlichen Fernsehsender 3Sat, Sendung Scobel, Gastgeber Gert Scobel (*1959) deutscher Philosoph, Fernsehmoderator, Journalist, Autor, 58:25 Minuten Dauer, Sendetermin 2. November 2017

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Audio and video links (engl.)

Video presentation by Monica Lewinsky (*1973) US American former White House intern (1995-1996), media shaming target #1 due to a political sex scandal with US president Bill Clinton, 1998, social psychologist, anti-cyberbullying activist, The price of shame transcript, presented by TED Talks, Vancouver, Canada, filmed 19. March 2015, 22:31 minutes duration, posted 20. March 2015
Video TV interview with Jon Ronson (*1967) Welsh documentary filmmaker, radio presenter, journalist, nonfiction author, Jon Ronson: 'We've fallen in love with online shaming' , presented by the British TV station Channel 4 News, host Jon Snow, YouTube film, 5:32 minutes duration, posted 17. March 2015

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Audio and video links (engl.) – Brené Brown

Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Shame and Empathy, YouTube film, 8:39 minutes duration, posted 17. April 2007

Excerpt from Brené Brown's new psychoeducational shame-resilience curriculum; the destructive nature of shame and the healing power of empathy

Video presentation by June Tangney, US American professor of psychology, George Mason University, Fairfax, Virginia, Shame and Guilt: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, presented by George Mason University and Research Channel, The Vision Series, YouTube film, 1:12:12 duration, posted 9. February 2008

Research indicates that guilt (linked with empathy) is the more adaptive emotion as it can motivate people to behave in a moral, caring, socially responsible manner. Shame (about the self) (linked with aggression) can easily go awry.

Video interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Healing Shame, presented by Houston PBS, program "Living Smart", host Patricia Gras (*1960) US American television anchor, reporter, journalist, YouTube film, 26:48 minutes duration, posted 16. March 2010

Shame effects women and men differently.

Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Listening to shame, presented by TED Talks, YouTube film, 20:38 minutes duration, posted 16. March 2012
"Shame is an unspoken epidemic, the secret behind many forms of broken behavior."

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