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< Ebene 30 – Schuld | Skala des Bewusstseins | Ebene 700-1000 – Erleuchtung >

 

Bewusstseinsebene 20

Scham BW 20

 

  • Ebene: Scham, Schande
  • Emotion: Demütigung, Erniedrigung, Beschämung
  • Prozess: Entfernung, Beseitigung, Unterdrückung, Ausmerzung
  • Selbstbild/Lebensauffassung: Elend, abscheulich
  • Gottesbild: Verachtend, verächtlich

 

༺·❄·༻

 

Bild

 

Metzgerladen mit Flucht nach Ägypten, 1551
Pieter Aertsen (~1508–1575) niederländischer Maler
Kunstsammlung der Universität Uppsala

 

༺·❄·༻

 

 

KultCult

 


 

Auslöschung und Verbannung

Scham ist dem Tod (Tod = Null) nahe. Wer sich schämt, möchte am liebsten im Boden versinken und unsichtbar sein. Scham äußert sich bei vielen Menschen in Schüchternheit und Introvertiertheit oder auch in äußerst rigiden Moralvorstel-
lungen. Sie kann Psychosen, Paranoia und bizarre Verbrechen zur Folge haben. Der Schamzerfressene betrachtet das eigene Selbst als unwürdig und schlecht und spricht sich selbst das Lebensrecht ab. Je nach Temperament wird das Gefühl der totalen Auslöschung introvertiert oder extrovertiert gelebt.

 

In vielen Kulturen war die schrecklichste Strafe jene der Verbannung, denn Menschen, die von der Gemeinschaft ausge-
schlossen wurden, hatten fast keine Chance zu überleben. Heute manifestiert sich diese Ebene zum Beispiel im Namen der französischen Vorstädte, den «Banlieus», Bannmeilen, wo jene Menschen leben, deren sich der Staat schämt und sie wo-
möglich jahrelang vernachlässigt und aus dem Bewusstsein verdrängt hat. In den Ausschluss von Leprösen, AIDS-Kranken und den so genannten Parias (unterste soziale Schicht) spielen die Motive des sich besser dünkenden Pharisäers und der alttestamentarischen Jagd auf den Sündenbock mit rein. Der und die  Gedemütigten sind ausersehen – bewusst doch meist unbewusst als Opfer an die Götter – die Schattenanteile der Gemeinschaft – durch den Aussetzungstod – zu (er)tragen.

 

Insgeheim ist Stolz der Auslöser für Scham. Die Abwehrmechanismen von Beschämten sind, mit Beschuldigungen (Schuld) oder Aggression anzugreifen.

See also: ► Stolz

Scham-Ebene: Tabelle der Anziehungen und Abneigungen

Anziehungen und Abneigungen auf der Ebene von Scham
AnziehungAbneigung
Selbstbestrafung, SelbsthassSelbstvergebung
DepressionSich für das Leben entscheiden
VerurteilenSich GOTTES Gnade anheimstellen
NegativitätStandpunkte aufgeben
Schrumpfen, sich verbergenSichtbar und ansprechbar sein
Das Selbst als wertlos ansehenDas Geschenk des Lebens bejahen
Starre Vorstellung über sich selbstKorrigierbar, flexibel
VerdammenVergeben
DemütigungSich für Selbstwert entscheiden
VerunglimpfungSelbstachtung
StrengGütig
Unausgeglichen, einseitig, sprunghaft, unzuverlässigBeide Seiten abwägen
Sich selbst beschuldigenDas unwissende Ego beschuldigen
Fehler übertreibenGrenzen überschreiten
Selektive TeilansichtAusgewogene Gesamtschau
Sich selbst als Verlierer betrachtenSich selbst korrigieren, Fehler wiedergutmachen
Ende des WegesBeginn des Neuen
Sich als nicht liebenswert empfindenSich als Kind GOTTES würdig und wert empfinden
Ein Irrtum ist unverzeihlich.Ein Irrtum ist eine Lernlektion.
Narzisstische AusrichtungFürsorge und Betreuung für andere
Sich selbst selbstüberschätzend dienenDem Leben dienen
SchwelgenEgoistische Standpunkte aufgeben
Sich als Mittelpunkt des Lebens sehenSich als Mitspieler und Teilnehmer des Lebens verstehen
Auf sich selbst bezogen seinSich auf andere ausrichten
"Hätte (tun, denken...) sollen"War damals nicht fähig dazu
Inspiriert durch: ► D. Hawkins, Erleuchtung ist möglich. Wie man die Ebenen des Bewusstseins durchschreitet, S. 47f, 2008

Zitate zum Thema Scham (BW 20) / Shame

Zitate von D. Hawkins

⚠ Achtung Siehe Power vs. Truth (engl.) Januar 2013

Quotes by D. Hawkins

⚠ Caveat See Power vs. Truth, January 2013

Energy Level 20 Shame

  • People at this emotional level are vulnerable to all the other negative emotions. They wish they were invisible. Banishment is a traditional accompaniment. It is destructive to health. Shame leads to cruelty to self and others
    and often results in paranoia, delusions, and psychosis. Source unknown

 

Wüste
Wüste in Marokko
  • The level of Shame is perilously proximate to death, which may be chosen out of Shame as conscious suicide or more subtly elected by failure to take steps to prolong life. Death by avoidable accident is common here. We all have some awareness of the pain of "losing face", becoming discredited, or feeling like a "nonperson". In shame we hang our heads and sink away, wishing we were invisible.
    Power vs. Force. The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, chapter 4 "Levels of Human Consciousness", S. 76, Hay House, February 2002

 

  • The behavior of people whose consciousness is only in the 20s is dangerous: they're prone to hallucinations of an accusatory nature, as well as paranoia; some become psychotic or commit bizarre crimes.
    Power vs. Force. The Hidden Determinants of Human Behavior, chapter 4, "Levels of Human Consciousness", S. 77, Hay House, February 2002

 

 


 

  • Every time you attack the ego you reinforce it through guilt and shame. Attacking the ego – making it wrong and labeling it "sin" – is not helpful. You can only transcend it by familiarity, non-condemnation, acceptance, and com-
    passion for one's own ego. Interview with D. Hawkins, On the Trilogy of Book 1, 2 and 3, presented by the dissolved blog Openexchange.org, Susanne Spitzer, 2004

 

  • Stupidity is innate to the human condition, ignorance is what we are all born here with, we have a hardware computer with no programs on it. Shame is a technique used by parents, a misfortunate one. "Shame on you!" To teach a child
    to shame oneself is not too great a technique. It’s good for my business with Prozac, all this stuff really helps with shame. So, they build up my business, but it’s not really a very good technique.
    Sedona Seminar Advaita. The Way to God through Mind, DVD 2 of 3, track 5, minute 40:50-42:44, August 2002

 

  • Question: What are the best ways to heal shame?
    Answer: Shame is a tough one until you recontextualize it. Shame is really vanity, pride. Shame is pride projected onto society and you visit it back upon yourself. You let go of pridefulness and own that being a human leads you to being fallible. It’s OK to be stupid and make terrible mistakes. It’s inevitable. How can you evolve unless you make really bad mistakes? You can’t. So shame is then looking at your own behavior from the viewpoint of pride. From pride this looks like disgraceful behavior, but if you let go pride, it looks more like stupidity.
    Sedona Seminar Advaita. The Way to God through Mind, DVD 2 of 3, track 5, minute 41:50, August 2002

 

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Eternal hopelessness at the bottom of hell

  • If we can't get what we want, then all these negative feelings come up. We're miserable, we're despairing, we’re going to commit suicide. When we give up, we reach hopelessness and go into apathy. For physical survival, the ego serves a function. If we don't get what we want, the approval we want, society's approval, we experience shame. Ultimately we end up in hell. In the bottom of hell, there is eternal hopelessness, more ghastly than I can describe.
    Sedona Seminar Emotions and Sensations, 3 DVD set, 17. April 2004

Zitate von anderen Quellen

Empfehlungen

  • Betrachte es als die größte Schande, das nackte Leben der Scham vorzuziehen und um des Lebens willen die Grün-
    de, für die es sich zu leben lohnt, zu verlieren. Juvenal (1.-2. Jht.) römischer Satirendichter, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Den finsteren Gedanken, die Scham, die Bosheit, begrüße sie mit einem Lachen an der Tür und bitte sie herein. Dan-
    ke jedem für sein Kommen, denn sie alle haben dir etwas Wichtiges mitzuteilen. Dschalal ad-Din Rumi [BW 550] (1207-
    1273) persischer islamischer Mystiker, Jurist, Theologe, Dichter des Sufismus, Gedicht Das Gästehaus, zitiert in: Turkish Talk

 

Schlussfolgerung

 

Einsicht

  • Nacktheit als solche darf nicht gleichgesetzt werden mit physischer Schamlosigkeit. Unanständigkeit ist nur gege-
    ben, wenn Nacktheit eine negative Rolle in Hinsicht auf den Wert einer Person spielt […] Der menschliche Körper ist
    nicht an sich beschämend, noch sind es sinnliche Reaktionen aus demselben Grund, und menschliche Sinnlichkeit im
    Allgemeinen. Schamlosigkeit (genau wie Scham und Anstand) ist eine Funktion des Inneren der Person.
    Johannes Paul II. [BW 570] (1920-2005) Papst der römisch-katholischen Kirche (1978-2005), zitiert in: Academic

 

  • Liebe ist das probateste Mittel, um das Schamgefühl zu überwinden. Lothar Schmidt, Aphorismen von A-Z. Das große Handbuch geflügelter Definitionen, S. 272, Drei Lilien Verlag, Wiesbaden, 1980
    Fälschlich Sigmund Freud [BW 499] (1856-1939) zugeschrieben, zitiert in: Falschzitate

 

  • Der Verlust von Scham ist das erste Zeichen von Schwachsinn. […] Kinder, die sexuell stimuliert werden, sind nicht mehr erziehungsfähig […]. Die Zerstörung der Scham bewirkt eine Enthemmung auf allen anderen Gebieten, eine Brutalität und Missachtung der Persönlichkeit des Mitmenschen.
    Sigmund Freud [BW 499] (1856-1939) österreichischer Neurologe, Tiefenpsychologe, Begründer der Psychoanalyse, Religions-
    kritiker, Autor, Gesammelte Werke Band 7 (1906-1909), S. 149, Fischer, 7. Auflage 1. Januar 1941

 

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Scham sitzt an den Kreuzungspunkten von Individuum und Gesellschaft.

  • Es gibt ein Gefühl, bei dem Eltern aufmerken sollten, wenn es bei ihrem Kind auf-
    tritt: die Scham. Scham ist das Gefühl, das an den Konfliktpunkten zwischen Individuum und Gesellschaft entsteht. Wessen wir uns schämen, das decken wir bei uns zu und lieben es nicht. Wir fürchten die Schande: mit Schimpf und Schande verstoßen zu werden. Das gesellschaftlich Verpönte weckt im Individuum Scham. Solche sozial bedingte Scham ist nicht mit der natürlichen Scham, das heißt der Zurückhaltung, zu verwechseln, die wir manchmal brau-
    chen, um zu uns zu kommen und bei uns zu bleiben. Menschen, die sich oft vor anderen schämen, sind unfrei,
    lieben sich nicht.
    Peter Schellenbaum (1939-2018) Schweizer Psychoanalytiker, Sachbuchautor, Die Wunde der Ungeliebten. Blockierung und Verlebendigung der Liebe, S. 17, Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag, Neuauflage 1. September 1992

 

  • Scham ist die unentbehrliche Wächterin der Privatheit und der Innerlichkeit, eine Wächterin, die den Kern unserer Persönlichkeit schützt – unsere intensivsten Gefühle, unseren Sinn der Identität und Integrität und vor allem unsere sexuellen Wünsche, Erlebnisse und Körperteile. Ohne diese Hülle der Scham fühlt man sich der Würde beraubt.
    Léon Wurmser (1931-2020) schweizstämmiger US-amerikanischer Psychiater, Psychoanalytiker, Autor, Scham und der böse
    Blick. Verstehen der negativen therapeutischen Reaktion
    , S. 39, W. Kohlhammer Verlag, Stuttgart, 2014

 

 

  • Scham beruht auf der inneren Überzeugung, nicht annehmbar zu sein. Dr. Patrick Carnes (*1944) führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Autor, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 259, Kösel, München, 1992

 

  • Scham und Heimlichkeit waren mitverantwortlich für die Entstehung der Sexsucht und Scham und Heimlichkeit (Sicherheit in der Anonymität) und behindern auch ihre Überwindung. Dr. Patrick Carnes (*1944) führender US-amerikanischer Sexsuchtexperte und -therapeut, Minneapolis, Autor, Wenn Sex zur Sucht wird, S. 431, Kösel, München, 1992

 

  • Scham flößt uns das Gefühl ein, dass wir nicht gut genug sind und es niemals sein werden. Daher ist Scham Gift für unser Glück, da sie Millionen Menschen dazu bringt, angesichts ihrer körperlichen Reaktionen zu verzweifeln – und
    das ein Leben lang. Dr. med. Deepak Chopra [BW 500⇒195] (*1946) indienstämmiger US-amerikanischer Endokrinologe, ehemals Leibarzt von Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, Leiter eines alternativen Gesundheitszentrums in San Diego, Referent, Autor,
    Kamasutra. Die spirituellen Gesetze der Liebe, Ariston, 1. Auflage 13. Februar 2007

 

  • Wo Scham ist, da ist Ehre. Deutsches Sprichwort

 

  • Wo man keine Scham empfindet, da empfindet man auch keine Ehre. Äthiopisches Sprichwort

 

Referenz: de.Wikiquote-Eintrag Scham

Literaturzitate

  • Was ist dir das Menschlichste? Jemandem Scham zu ersparen. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Philologe, Kulturkritiker, Philosoph des Nihilismus [BW 120], Schriftsteller, Werke in drei Bänden, Band II, Die fröhliche Wissenschaft, Ernst Schmeitzner, Chemnitz, 1882, Carl Hanser Verlag, München, 1954/1956, Insel Verlag, 18. April 2000

 

  • Was ist das Siegel der erreichbaren Freiheit? Sich nicht mehr vor sich selbst zu schämen.
    Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Philologe, Kulturkritiker, Philosoph des Nihilismus [BW 120], Schriftsteller, Werke in drei Bänden, Band II, Die fröhliche Wissenschaft, Ernst Schmeitzner, Chemnitz, 1882, Carl Hanser Verlag, München, 1954/1956, Insel Verlag, 18. April 2000

Zitate über Scham – Brené Brown

Persönliche Bekenntnisse

  • Ich denke Scham ist wahrscheinlich die primitivste menschliche Emotion, die wir erleben können.
    Videopräsentation Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-
    forscherin, Universität Houston, Referentin, Autorin, PBS Interview, Teil 1 von 2, präsentiert von dem US-amerikanischen Fern-
    sehsender the broadcaster Houston Public Media, Sendung "Living Smart", Gastgeberin Patricia Gras (*1960), YouTube Film,
    4:55 Minuten Dauer, eingestellt 2. März 2008
  • Scham hasst es, in Worte gekleidet zu werden. Wenn wir über sie sprechen, löst sich ihr Zugriff auf uns. Ein Großteil meiner Arbeit dient der Hilfestellung und Versprachlichung, damit die Menschen ihren eigenen Erlebnisse verstehen
    und einen Sinn darin erkennen. Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathieforscherin, Universität Houston, Referentin, Autorin, Professor Encourages Openness to Vulnerability, präsentiert von Giving, Pride Stories, Universität Houston, Texas, 20. November 2013

 

 

 

 

 

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'Ich bin ungenügend.' – Unter dem Schein der Grandiosität verbirgt sich Scham.

  • Unter einer sogenannten narzisstischen Persönlichkeit schwelt eindeutig die Scham und die lähmende Angst, gewöhnlich zu sein. Den meisten Menschen fällt es schwer zu glauben, dass jemand in ihrem Leben, der sie kritisiert und sich ihnen gegenüber abweisend verhält, tatsächlich unter seiner eigenen Scham leidet. Scham und Grandiosität entspringen demselben Gefühl: »Wenn ich die anderen nicht aussteche, bin ich ungenügend.«
    Interview mit Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathieforsche-
    rin, Universität Houston, Referentin, Autorin, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness [Die Erfolgsautorin Brené Brown schlägt vor, unsere Gewöhnlichkeit willkommen zu heißen], präsentiert von der US-amerikanischen Online-Zeitung Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. Februar 2011, überarbeitet am 17. November 2011

 

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Das Mittel gegen epidemische Scham ist Empathie.

  • Scham ist eine Epidemie in der westlichen Kultur. Empathie ist die Abhilfe gegen Scham.
    Stellt man Scham in eine Petrischale, benötigt sie drei Zutaten, um unkontrolliert zu wachsen:
        ⚑ Geheimhaltung,
        ⚑ (pathologisches) Schweigen und
        ⚑ Abwertung.
Stellt man die gleiche Menge Scham in eine Petrischale und übergießt sie mit Empathie, ist sie außerstande zu überleben.
Videopräsentation von Dr. Brené Brown (*1965) US-amerikanische Professorin für Sozialarbeit, Scham-, Verletzlichkeit- und Empathie-
forscherin, Universität Houston, Referentin, Autorin, Listening to shame [Der Scham zuhören], präsentiert von TED Talks, YouTube Film, Minute 18:07, 20:38 Minuten Dauer, eingestellt 16. März 2012

 

See also: ► Quotes on shame – Brené Brown and ► Empathy: Quotes by Brené Brown and ► Vulnerability: Quotes by Brené Brown

Quotes by various other sources

(↓)

Compare with:

Gospel of Thomas [LoC 660], verse 022, 50-140 AD

You enter the Kingdom when you tread upon the garment of shame, and when the two become one and the male with the female neither male nor female.
Greek Gospel of the Egyptians, quoted by Clement of Alexandria (~150-~215 AD) Greek scholar in classical Greek philosophy and literature, converted Christian theologian, Catechetical School of Alexandria, Stromata, trilogy of works on the Christian life, Second Epistle of Clement, chapter xii.2, 198-203

 

Personal avowals

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Public slut-shaming worldwide pushed Lewinsky to the brink of death – compassion helped her out of the shame trap.

  • I was Patient Zero of losing a personal reputation on a global scale almost instantaneously.  Minute 3:55
In 1998 [at age 24], I lost my reputation and my dignity. I lost almost everything,
and I almost lost my life.  Minute 6:09
A meta-analysis done out of the Netherlands showed that for the first time, cyberbullying was leading to suicidal ideations more significantly than offline bullying.  Minute 12:26
And you know what shocked me, although it shouldn't have, was another research last year that determined humiliation was a more intensely felt emotion than either happiness or even anger.  Minute 12:37
Video presentation by Monica Lewinsky (*1973) US American former White House intern (1995-1996), media shaming target #1 due
to a political sex scandal with US president Bill Clinton, 1998, social psychologist, anti-cyberbullying activist, The price of shame transcript, presented by TED Talks, Vancouver, Canada, filmed 19. March 2015, minute 13:22, 22:31 minutes duration, posted
20. March 2015

 

 

Conclusion

  • The truth about childhood is stored up in our bodies and lives in the depths of our souls. Our intellect can be deceived,
    our feelings can be numbed and manipulated, our perceptions shamed and confused, our bodies tricked with medication, but our soul never forgets. And because we are one, one whole soul in one body, someday our body will present its bill. The wounded and lost child is only in hiding; the soul is still whole in spirit. Ultimately, our deepest self will accept no compromises or excuses, and it will not stop tormenting or contaminating us until we stop evading the truth.
    Alice Miller (1923-2010) Swiss psychologist, psychoanalyst, world renowned author on child abuse, The Drama of the Gifted Child. The Search for the True Self, Basic Books, revised edition 1997

Fundamental culture: based on human dignity, equality, caring LoC 200+

  • On the fundamental level there are no differences between all human beings. Mentally, emotionally, physically we are the same. On that level there is hardly any reason to fight.

 

Secondary culture: status based, pride⇔shame based Below LoC 200

  • On the secondary level there are a lot of divisions and barriers. On the secondary level there are different nationa-
    lities, different races, different colors, different religions. Within the communities there are the richer, the poorer, the
    educated, the uneducated, the more respected because of their highly esteemed professions, some are looked down
    because of their work.
    Many man-made problems, I believe, are due to too much emphasis on the secondary level of differences. We are
    forgetting the basic oneness of human beings. Video presentation by H.H. 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso [LoC 570] (*1935) Tibetan monk, leader of the Gelug or "Yellow Hat" branch of Tibetan Buddhism, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, 1989, Vancouver Peace Summit 2009, presented by the Canadian broadcast television network CTV Television Network, part 2 of 4, 2/3rd section, minute 50:13-55:00, Vancouver, Canada, Sunday 27. September 2009

 

  • No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.
    Eleanor Roosevelt [Influence LoC 495] (1884-1962) US American First Lady (1933-1945) supporter of her husband Franklin Delano Roosevelt's "New Deal" policies [LoC 340], advocate for civil rights, enhancer of the status of working women, chairwoman of the United Nations committee that drafted and approved the Universal Declaration of Human Rights

 

 

 

 

(↓)

Paradox of shame

  • While pride is our emotional reward for doing good, shame is our emotional punishment for doing bad. Unfortunately, if our shame is too intense, or if we become depressed or obsessed with our digression, it can be debilitating and counterproductive. Consider shame as a slap on the wrist, examine what you did wrong, and take constructive steps
    to improve and move forward. Article Shame. We feel badly about ourselves, presented by Emotional Competency, undated

 

  • It is not until a child is developmentally ready to experience the feeling of shame that socialization can begin to take place. Shame has a place in our emotional repertoire. […] Actually shame is a very functional feeling to have, even though it's very painful and difficult to deal with. [...] Shame is a very potent feeling. When parents resort to shame in order to teach their children how to function socially they need to do it carefully. If shame is evoked in a context of a relationship with a trusted adult who is empathically attuned - that's an adult who serves as an accurate mirror of the child's sense of self - the child not only survives the experience of shame, but also begins to regulate and tolerate that experience shame. One important task of parenting is to build emotional muscle in the child including the emotional muscle that allows them to handle shame.
    Narcissists are people across the board who have no ability to regulate shame in healthy ways, instead they resort to the defenses and postures that protect them from otherwise instructive feelings. […]
    A whole world of humanity opens up to those who have learned humility and self-acceptance, something a narcissist does not know. Video interview with Sandy Hotchkiss, PsyD, LCSW, US American psychoanalyst, author, Knowledge Is Power: Recognizing Narcissism in the Workplace, presented by the US American multimedia publishing company Sounds True, "Under-
    standing Narcissism Summit", host Dr. Jeffrey Rutstein, US American clinical psychologist, psychotherapist, expert in the treatment
    of trauma, minute 16:00, 56:22 minutes duration, aired 7. November 2019

 

  • The truly humble person cannot be humiliated.
    The fear of humiliation appears to be one of the most powerful motivators in individual and collective human behavior. Donald Charles Klein, Ph.D. (1923-2007) US American clinical psychologist, The Humiliation Dynamic, presented by humiliation-
    studies.org, undated

 

 

 

Reference: en.Wikiquote entry Shame

Quotes on shame – Brené Brown

Personal avowals

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Most primitive human emotion

  • I think shame is probably the most primitive human emotion that we can experience.
    Video interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, PBS Interview, part 1 of 2, presented by the broadcaster Houston Public Media, program "Living Smart", host Patricia Gras (*1960) US American television anchor, reporter, journalist, YouTube film, 4:55 minutes duration, posted 2. March 2008

 

Recommendations

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Share shame with trusted confidents and friends

  • We need to share with those who have earned the right to hear it and people who are invested in the friendship. Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. Sharing and hearing intimate stories is also not most people's "default setting," since we tend to self-protect from hurtful things. If someone drops shame bomb on me, I am likely to give a non-compassionate response if my own resources feel scarce.
    Interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of So-
    cial Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by the liberal-oriented online US newspaper Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011, updated 17. November 2011
(↓)

Languaging shame

  • Shame hates to have words wrapped around it. If we talk about it, it loses its grip on us. A lot of my work is about helping give people language to understand, to make meaning out of their own experiences. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Professor Encourages Openness to Vulnerability, presented by Giving, Pride Stories, University of Houston, 20. November 2013

 

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Unable to language shame

 

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Shame is correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying.

  • Shame is far more likely to cause destructive behaviors than it is to cure them. [...] Shame is highly correlated with addiction, violence, aggression, bullying. [...] Shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change for the better. [...] Shame is 'I am that', guilt is 'I did that'. Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Is shame good?, YouTube film, minute 00:39, 3:12 minutes duration, posted 2. March 2008

 

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Name shame!

 

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Tell your story! Receive confessions!

  • By telling your story and hearing others’ stories you force shame out of hiding and end the [pathological] silence. Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, source unknown

 

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Shame is a universal experience.


 

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'Not enough' shame is lingering below grandiosity.

  • Underneath the so-called narcissistic personality is definitely shame and the paralyzing fear of being ordinary. Often it's hard for people to believe that someone in their life who is critical and rejecting of them is really suffering from their own shame. Both shame and grandiosity come from the same feeling that "if I'm not above the rest, I'm not enough." Interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by the US American liberal-oriented online newspaper Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011, updated
    17. November 2011

 

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Secretiveness – ensuring addictiveness

  • Our secrets definitely keep us addicted, which is probably why there are online sites where people can divest themselves of their secrets, anonymously. But because shame happens between people, there is no substitute for telling on ourselves, so to speak, to someone else and making ourselves vulnerable. Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive. Interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by the US American liberal-oriented online newspaper Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011, updated 17. November 2011

 

(↓)

Empathy is the antidote to epidemic shame.

  • Shame is an epidemic in our culture. […] Empathy is the antidote to shame.
    If you put shame in a petri dish, it needs three things things to grow exponentially:
    ⚑ '''secrecy,
    ⚑ [pathological] silence and
    ⚑ judgement.'''
If you put the same amount of shame into a petri dish and douse it with empathy it can't survive.
Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Listening to shame, presented by TED Talks, YouTube film, minute 18:07, 20:38 minutes duration, posted 16. March 2012

 

See also: ► Empathy: Quotes by Brené Brown and ► Vulnerability: Quotes by Brené Brown
Siehe auch: ► Zitate über Scham – Brené Brown

Englische Texte – English section on Shame

Differentiating shame ⇔ guilt

The painful feeling of shame is believing one is flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Shame is self focused (being – passive): I am bad.
Guilt is behavior focused (doing – active): I did something bad.

 

  1. Recognizing shame and understanding our triggers
  2. Practicing critical awareness
  3. Reaching out
  4. Speaking shame
Source: ► Video presentation by Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher,
Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Is shame good?, YouTube film,
minute 00:39, 3:12 minutes duration, posted 2. March 2008
See also: ► Guilt

Gender norms within male dominated systems

Metaanalysis on studies on shame and pride based gender norms
Shame is a major building block of traditional gender roles.
           Male role norms           
PRIDEShadow Shame
           Female role norms           
SHAMEHumiliation
Normed behaviors confirmed by men
Conformity to Femininity Norms Inventory (CFNI)1
Normed behaviors confirmed by women
Conformity to Adolescent Masculine Norms Inventory (CMNI)
Have power over women!
⚑ Apply violence!
⚑ Behave as a playboy!
⚑ Win!
⚑ Apply emotional control!
⚑ Disdain homosexuals!
⚑ Take risks!
⚑ Be self-reliant!
⚑ Adopt the primacy of work!
⚑ Pursue status!
⚑ Strive for dominance!
⚑ Show NO empathy!
Be nice in relationships!
⚑ Be thin!
⚑ Be modest!
⚑ Be domestic!
⚑ Keep to sexual fidelity!
⚑ Care for the children!
⚑ Strive for romantic relationships!
⚑ Use all resources for appearance!
⚑ Show no empathy!
Sources:
► Paul W. Efthim, Maureen E. Kenny, James R. Mahalik, Boston College, Boston, 2001 study abstract Gender Role Stress in Relation to
     Shame, Guilt, and Externalization
, https://psycnet.apa.org/APA PsycNet, presented by the Journal of Counseling & Development,
     issue 79, #4, S. 430-438 first published 23. December 2011
► Metaanalysis by James R. Mahalik, Ph.D., US American professor of counseling, developmental and educational psychology, Boston
     College, Boston, presented by the peer-reviewed academic journal Psychology of Men and Masculinity, Vol 4(1), S. 3-25, January 2003
► Metaanalysis by A. Higgins, C. Allison, LC Morton, Gender differences in self-conscious emotional experience: a meta-analysis, presented
     by the free MEDLINE database PubMed, published in the bimonthly peer-reviewed academic journal Psychological Bulletin, issue 138,
     September 2012
Critical assessment: ► Article Misandry in Psychological Research, presented by the publication A Voice For Men, 18. June 2013
See also: ► Gender research and ► Relationship tips and ► Pride and ► Humiliation and ► Dignity

Men shamed by women ♦ women frightened by men

Predicament of shamed men and scared women
       Men frightening their female partners              Women shaming their male partners       
Men's size Mother's size and women's power
Male voice Women's siren call to return to the womb
Male anger Women's cutting words
Men's emotional withdrawal Women's emotional demands
Source: ► Deleted blog article by Dave Pamah, 'Why Men Frighten Women, And Women Shame Men'', 31. August 2013
See also: ► Fear and ► Pride

 

                                                               Biological reason why men are prone to be shamed
"Although the human egg is microscopic, it is large enough to house 250,000 sperm. Eggs weigh 85,000 times as much as sperm. Think how you'd feel if you had to merge with someone who was 85,000 times heavier than you? Now, think of the competition involved in mating. There are fifty million to five hundred million sperm per ejaculation."  Dave Pamah

"Men's basic need is for respect, just as women's basic need is to be cherished.
He needs to feel like a winner, that he can beat the competition and be the chosen one."  Dave Pamah

 

2003 study on shame and pride based gender norms
Shame is a major building block of traditional gender roles.
NormAttitudeNormed behaviors confirmed by men and women
Male role norms
Conformity to
Adolescent Masculine
Norms Inventory (CMNI)
PRIDE
Shadow shame
⚑ Have power over women!
⚑ Apply violence!
⚑ Disdain homosexuals!
⚑ Behave as playboy!
Win!
⚑ Apply emotional control!
⚑ Take risks!
⚑ Be self-reliant!
⚑ Adopt the primacy of work!
⚑ Pursue status!
⚑ Strive for dominance!
⚑ Show no empathy!
Female role norms
Conformity to
Femininity Norms
Inventory (CFNI)
SHAME
Humiliation
⚑ Be nice in relationships!
⚑ Be thin!
⚑ Be modest!
⚑ Be domestic!
⚑ Keep to sexual fidelity!
⚑ Care for the children!
⚑ Strive for romantic relationships!
⚑ Use all resources for appearance!
⚑ Show no empathy!
Source: ► Study by James R. Mahalik, Ph.D., US American professor of counseling, developmental and educational psychology,
Boston College, Boston, presented in Psychology of Men & Masculinity, Vol 4(1), pp. 3-25, January 2003
Critical assessment: ► Article Misandry in Psychological Research, presented by the publication A Voice For Men, 18. June 2013
See also: ► Relationship tips and ► Pride and ► Gender norms within male dominated systems

Courage to stand up for one's beliefs in the face of possible embarrassment

Briefly before US American speaker and bestselling author Marianne Williamson was about to start her lecture she was informed:

"First Lady Laura Bush is among the audience."

Williamson wondered if she would bog down or give her speech regarding her view on then current US president George
W. Bush's
politics whatsoever.
She decided to honor her stance even when facing an awkward situation.
She took care to refrain from personally demonizing the sitting President Bush or embarrassing his wife in public.

 

At the end of her talk shortly before shaking hands she was about to say to Laura Bush that she felt sorry, if she had offended
her in any way. Laura Bush stopped her before she could open her mouth and repeated twice,

"You did great. You did great."

 

Source: ► Removed video presentation by Marianne Williamson (*1952) US American spiritual teacher, political activist, visionary, lecturer, author, Marianne Williamson – CMED guest 2006, part 7 of 7, presented by CMED Free Media, 1:00 minute duration, posted January 2006
See also: ► Courage to stand up for one's beliefs
Siehe auch: ► Mut, in einer prekären Lage die eigene Überzeugung vorzutragen

Afflicted emotions and human dignity

According to the psychodynamic theory of Hungarian US American psychoanalyst Sandor Rado, M.D. (1890-1972) shame and guilt are the most destructive emotions within a group of emergency emotions (including anger,
grief, greed, and pride) damaging the whole and undermining the good of all.
Whoever feels shamed, fixates inwardly. The inviolable human dignity –
both the sacred and the tabooed? – has been desecrated (dishonored) in front of and by others.
Whoever feels guilty, fixates outwardly.
He or she desecrates (dishonors) their inalieable innate inviolable human dignity.
Restored feelingAchievementImplication
Transformed shameBeyond inferiority and victimhoodSense for the sacred
Transformed guiltBeyond self-defeating flagellationSense of regret, reversion, recontextualising, metanoia
Transformed griefBeyond indictment and whiningSense of understanding for the human condition and compassion
Transformed righteous anger ("Holy" wrath)Beyond disempowering aggressionSense of justice and the strength
ready to launch social reforms
Transformed prideBeyond superiority and supremacy, narcissm and predatory impulsesSense of divine dignity,
reflected in human dignity
See also: ► Dignity and ► Guilt and ► Grief and ► Anger and ► Pride

Pride ⇔ shame – Lao Tzu

Pride attaches undue importance to the superiority of one's status in the eyes of others.
And
shame is fear of humiliation at one's inferior status in the estimation of others.
When one sets his heart
on being highly esteemed, and achieves such rating,
then he is automatically involved in fear of losing his status.

Source: ► Lao Tzu (604-531 BC) Chinese sage, philosopher, founder of Daoism,
Tao Te Ching [The Book of the Way], verse 13, 800-200 BC
See also: ► Lao Tzu and ► Pride and ► Level 30 – Guilt

Index: Scham / Shame – Bücher von D. Hawkins

Englische Werke

 

Links zum Thema Scham (BW 20) / Shame

Literatur

Literature (engl.)

Externe Weblinks


  • Beitrag Was ist Scham?, präsentiert von der kalifornischen Frage-und-Antwort Webseite Quora, Elfriede Ammann, 539 Aufrufe · 23 Likes, 1. November 2019

External web links (engl.)


Audio- und Videolinks

Audio and video links (engl.)

Audio and video links (engl.) – Brené Brown

Excerpt from Brené Brown's new psychoeducational shame-resilience curriculum; the destructive nature of shame and the healing power of empathy

Research indicates that guilt (linked with empathy) is the more adaptive emotion as it can motivate people to behave in a moral, caring, socially responsible manner. Shame (about the self) (linked with aggression) can easily go awry.

Shame effects women and men differently.

 

Interne Links

Wiki-Ebene

English

 

 

1 Scientific paper by Mahalik, J.R., Morray, E.B., Coonerty-Femiano, A. et al., Development of the Conformity to Feminine Norms Inventory, presented by the peer-reviewed scientific journal published by Springer Sex Roles, volume 52, issue 7, S. 417-435, April 2005

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