SpiritualWiki - Freundschaft

Vier Intensitätsgrade von Freundschaft, Liebe und Wahrheit

Beispiel einer wahren Liebe/aktive Freundschaft – volle Verantwortung verbunden mit totaler Abhängigkeit

Ich bin erstens voll verantwortlich für alles,
zweitens bin ich dennoch ganz abhängig vom anderen. [...]
Beide Einsichten zusammen möchte man am liebsten abtun: als Widerspruch in sich. Unerträglich scheint vielen die Gleichzeitigkeit von ungeschmälerter Verantwortlich-
keit, auch für Handlungen, die ihre Partner gegen sie richten, und gänzlicher Abhän-
gigkeit selbst da, wo sie sich privatissime fühlen: in ihren Träumen, ihren Gedanken, ihren Entscheidungen. [...] Das bedeutet, Unbewusstes bewusst werden zu lassen, genauer: das Verflochtensein
durch unser unbewusstes Handeln anzunehmen.
Michael Lukas Moeller (1937-2002) deutscher Psychoanalytiker, Hochschullehrer, Paartherapeut, Die Wahrheit beginnt zu zweit.
Das Paar im Gespräch, S. 178-179, Rowohlt Sachbuch, Erstauflage 1988, 31. Auflage 2010

Niemand wollte ohne Freunde sein, selbst wenn er andere Güter besäße. Aristoteles (384-322 v. Chr.) altgriechischer Philosoph, Arzt, Wissenschaftler, Frauenhasser, Nikomachische Ethik, Buch VIII, Kapitel 3, 1837, Rowohlt, Reinbek, 2006

Stufe 1:
Unbewusster Himmel [✰]

PFLICHT ♦ Leichter breiter Weg
Unbewusster Ansatz

Stufe 2:
Unbewusste Hölle [✰✰]

✿	Freund- schaft Liebe	Wahrheit	Beschreibung	Beziehung	Anteile Tempo	Fürwort	Orientierung	Geburts- trauma	Urmuster
1.	Weiß	Nette Wahrheit	Verliebtheit, oberflächlich, vorübergehend, milder Betrug Spritziger Cidre	Lose Freunde Bekanntschaften Komplizen	Sehr viele Sehr schnell	ICH	Privat	Gebärmutter	Unbewusstes Paradies
2.	Rot	Enga- gierte Wahrheit	Leidenschaftlich, herzlich, impulsiv, getrieben	Engagiert verbundene Freunde	Viele Schnell	DU+ICH	Persönliche zurückgezogene Beziehungen, exklusiv	Ausstoßung Geburtswehen	Vermehrtes Vertrauens- hormon Oxytozin Verlorenes Paradies

Stufe 3:
Bewusste Hölle [✰✰✰]

KÜR ♦ Mühsamer schmaler Steg
Bewusstwerdungsansatz

Stufe 4:
Bewusster Himmel [✰✰✰✰]

✿	Freund- schaft Liebe	Wahrheit	Beschreibung	Beziehung	Anteile Tempo	Fürwort	Orientierung	Geburts- trauma	Urmuster
3.	Schwarz	Hässliche Wahrheit	Stark, tief verbunden, forschend, hinterfragend, fordernd, bezichtigend, belohnend Schattenarbeit, Freisetzung kollektiv blockierter Kräfte Reifer Wein	Wahre Freunde Gegenseitig gefördertes Wachstum	Wenige Langsam	WIR+ DU+ICH	Öffentlich, gruppenorientiert inklusiv	Höllenerfahrung Geburtskanal	Kampf ums nackte Leben Turbulenz Karma
4.	Trans- parent	Verwan- delnde Wahrheit	Lebensumstellend, neugeboren, umfänglich, zeitlos		Sehr wenige Sehr langsam	ALLE+ WIR+ DU+ICH	Allumfassend, einbezüglich	Nabelschnur durchtrennt	Odemzufuhr, Erster Atemzug, Neue Erde (Gebärmutter), neuer Himmel

Siehe auch:
► Vier-Stufenmodell des Dialogs – Otto Scharmer und ► Vier Seinsebenen – Hartmann • Gebser • Heim und ► Vier Runden des Medizinrads
► Liebe als Pflichtübung ⇔ Kür-Wagnis und ► Kurzfassung der Beziehungsebenen (Übersicht)

Drei Arten von gewöhnlich praktizierter Freundschaft – Aristoteles

✿	Art der Freundschaft	Hintergrund	Beispiel	Konstellation	Dauer
1.	Vergnügliche Freundschaft	Aus einem bestimmten Grund	Zwei Menschen entdecken, dass sie gemeinsame Interessen in einem Tätigkeitsfeld haben, denen sie zusammen nachgehen können.	Zwei Tennisspieler können sich am gemeinsamen Tennisspiel erfreuen.	Solange das Vergnügen anhält
2.	Nützliche Freundschaft	Für eine gewisse Zeit	Zwei Menschen können profitieren, indem sie koordiniert agieren.	Einer unterrichtet den anderen, gegen Bezahlung Tennis zu spielen. Einer profitiert durch das Gerlernte, der andere finanziell.	Solange der gegenseitige Nutzen sichergestellt ist
3.	Wohlwollende Freundschaft	Ein Leben lang	Zwei Menschen gehen gemeinsamen Aktivitäten nach, einfach, um dem allgemeinen Wohl des anderen zu dienen. In diesem Fall geht es weder um Vergnügen noch um Nützlichkeit, sondern um das Wohlergehen.¹	Zwei herzkranke Menschen könnten miteinander Tennis spielen, um durch die körperliche Übung die Gesundheit beider zu stärken. Das Wohlergehen ist zu keiner Zeit vollständig erfüllt.	Hält im Prinzip ein Leben lang

4.	Asymmetrische Freundschaft	Schwankend	Ein Partner bemüht sich um einen bestimmten Vorteil, während der andere einen andren Nutzen anstrebt.		Naturgemäß instabil, vorprogrammiert auf Enttäuschung

Quelle: ► Aristoteles (384-322 v. Chr.) altgriechischer Philosoph, Arzt, Wissenschaftler, Frauenhasser,
Nikomachische Ethik, Buch VIII, Kapitel 3, 1837, Rowohlt, Reinbek, 2006

Von der Freundschaft

Von der Freundschaft

Dein Freund ist die Antwort auf deine Nöte.
Er ist das Feld, das du mit Liebe bestellst
und mit Dankbarkeit erntest.
Und er ist dein Tisch und dein Herd.
Denn du kommst zu ihm mit deinem Hunger,
und du suchst deinen Frieden bei ihm.
Wenn dein Freund frei heraus spricht,
fürchtest du weder das "Nein" in deinen Gedanken,
noch hältst du mit dem "Ja" zurück.
Und wenn er schweigt, hört dein Herz nicht auf,
dem seinen zu lauschen;
Denn in der Freundschaft werden alle Gedanken,
alle Wünsche, alle Erwartungen ohne Worte
geboren und geteilt, mit Freude,
die keinen Beifall braucht.

Die Freundschaft soll kein anderen Zweck haben,
als den Geist zu vertiefen.
Gewähre deinem Freund dein Bestes.
Wenn er die Ebbe deiner Gezeiten kennen muss,
lass' ihn auch das Hochwasser kennen.
Denn was ist ein Freund, wenn du ihn nur aufsuchst,
um die Stunden todzuschlagen?
Suche ihn auf, um die Stunden mit ihm zu erleben.
Denn er ist da, deine Bedürfnisse zu befriedigen
nicht jedoch, um deine Leere auszufüllen.
Und in der Süße der Freundschaft lass Lachen
und geteilte Freude sein.
Denn im Tau kleiner Dinge
findet das Herz seinen Morgen und wird erfrischt.

Quelle: ► Khalil Gibran (1883-1931) libanesisch-amerikanischer Maler, Philosoph, Dichter, Autor,
Der Prophet, 1933, S. 89f. Walter Verlag, Zürich, Düsseldorf, 1998,
Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag (dtv), 1. Oktober 2003

Einige Rechte vorbehalten, Elijah Nouvelage

Wann endet die Nacht?

Berühmte chassidische Erzählung

Ein weiser Rabbi fragte seine Schüler:

Wie bestimmt man die Stunde, in der die Nacht endet und der Tag beginnt?

Einer meinte:

Ich denke, es ist der Augenblick, sobald man einen Stock von einem Stein vor den eigenen Füßen unterscheiden kann.

Nein,

erwiderte der Meister.
Ein anderer meinte:

Es ist der Augenblick, wenn man einen Feigenbaum von einem Pfirsichbaum in der Ferne unterscheiden kann.

Nein,

antwortete der Rabbi.
Ein weiterer meinte:

Wenn man ein Pferd von einer Kuh in der Ferne unterscheiden kann.

Nein,

erwiderte der Rabbi.

Wann ist es dann? Sag‘ uns die Antwort,

baten die Schüler ihn.
Der Rabbi sagte:

Es ist der Augenblick,
wenn ihr in das Gesicht eines Mannes oder einer Frau seht und darin erkennt,
dass er euer Bruder ist, dass sie eure Schwester ist.
Solange euch das nicht gelingen mag, ist es unerheblich, wo die Sonne gerade steht,
denn die Nacht dauert an.

Siehe auch: ► Geschichtensammlung

Zitate zum Thema Freundschaft / Friendship

Zitate – kurz gefasst und allgemein

Persönliche Bekenntnisse

Ich habe damit begonnen, mir selbst ein Freund zu sein. Damit ist schon viel gewonnen, man kann dann nicht mehr einsam sein. Wisse auch, dass ein solcher Mensch, allen ein rechter Freund sein wird. Lucius Annaeus Seneca
(~1-~5 n. Chr.) römischer stoischer Philosoph, Dramatiker, Naturforscher, Staatsmann, zitiert in: Gute Zitate

Kinderfreundschaft

Ich möchte Freundschaften nicht wie Mimosen behandeln, sondern mit strikter Courage. Wenn sie was taugen, sind sie weder zerbrechlich wie Glas noch wie Eisblumen, sondern das Solideste, was sich denken lässt.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US-amerikanischer Philosoph, Unitarier, Redner, Dichter, Essayist, zitiert in: Zitate von Ralph, präsentiert von Zitate.eu

Ich mag Menschen. Einige meiner besten Freunde sind selber welche.
Jan Distelmeyer (*1969) deutscher Germanistiker, Philosoph, Medienwissenschaftler, Filmwissenschaftler und -kritiker, Quelle unbekannt

Meine Parole heißt: Kraft durch Freunde.
Werner Finck (1902-1978) deutscher Schauspieler mit KZ-Erfahrung, Kabarretist, Schriftsteller, zitiert in: Zitate von Werner Finck, präsentiert von Zitate.eu

Empfehlungen

Habe keine Freunde, die dir nicht ebenbürtig sind.
Konfuzius (551-479 v. Chr.) chinesischer Weiser, Sozialphilosoph, Stifter der chinesischen Staatsreligion, Förderer des Sinns allen Wissens und Lernens in der sittlichen Vollkommenheit, zitiert in: 38. Konfuzius Zitate, SprücheListe

Tadle deinen Freund unter vier Augen und lobe ihn vor allen! Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) italienischer Maler, Univer-
salgelehrter, Genie, Erfinder, Bildhauer, Architekt, Anatom, Geologe, Botaniker, Künstler, Ingenieur, Naturphilosoph, Schriftsteller,
Manuskripte Leonardo da Vincis, XIX "Philosophische Maxime. Moral. Polemik und Spekulationen", frühes 16. Jht.

Mache nicht schnell jemand deinen Freund, ist ers aber einmal, so muss ers gegen den dritten Mann mit allen sei-
nen Fehlern sein. Matthias Claudius (1740-1815) deutscher Journalist, Dichter, volksliedhafter Lyriker, Der Wandsbecker Bote, Kapitel 150, Insel Verlag, 1990

Aufrufe

Wir brauchen mehr wohlwollende Freunde und weniger Seelenexperten.
Dr. Jeffrey Masson (*1941) US-amerikanischer-neuseeländischer Psychoanalytiker, Kritiker der theoretischen Konzepte Sigmund Freuds, Autor, Gegen Therapie, S. XV, Atheneum, 1988

Einsichten

Es gibt wenig aufrichtige Freunde. Die Nachfrage ist auch gering.
Marie Freifrau von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830-1916) österreichische Aphoristikerin, Erzählerin, Novelistin, Schriftstellerin, Gesam-
melte Schriften. Erster Band. Aphorismen. Parabeln, Märchen und Gedichte, S. 76, Gebrüder Paetel Verlag, Berlin, 1893, Fünf-
hundert Aphorismen, 1911, Verlag Der Wissenschaften, 18. August 2017

Ein Freund ist ein Mensch, vor dem man laut denken kann.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US-amerikanischer Philosoph, Unitarier, Redner, Dichter, Essayist, zitiert in: Aphorismen.de

Bevor man anfängt, seine Feinde zu lieben, sollte man seine Freunde besser behandeln.
Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (1835-1910) US-amerikanischer Humorist, Freimaurer, Schriftsteller, zitiert in: Aphorismen.de

Schließlich stellt die Liebe die einzige Kraft dar, die Feinde in Freunde verwandeln kann. Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968) US-amerikanischer Baptistenpastor, Aktivist, afro-amerikanischer Bürgerrechtler, Kraft zum Lieben. Betrachtungen
und Reden des Friedensnobelpreisträgers, Christliche Verlagsanstalt Konstanz, 1963, Taschenbuch, 1971

In der Gegenwart eines echten spirituellen Freundes fühlst du dich gleichwertig und erfährst die wahre Ebenbürtigkeit der Seele. Es ist das unschätzbare Geschenk eines Menschen, der im Zustand der Demut weilt. Es ist, als ob eine Rose aufblüht und ihren Duft verströmt.
Interview mit Andrew Harvey (*1952) indisch-britischer Religionswissenschaftler, Rumi-Übersetzer, Visionär, Lehrer der mystischen Traditionen, Architekt des heiligen Aktivismus, Dichter, Autor, Teachers and Seekers: An Interview with Andrew Harvey, präsentiert von der US-amerikanischen Mediengesellschaft Yoga Journal, Catherine Ingram, Ausgabe 123, S. 60, Juli/August 1995

Die Menschen haben keine Zeit mehr, irgend etwas kennenzulernen. Sie kaufen sich alles fertig in Geschäften. Aber
da es keine Kaufläden für Freunde gibt, haben die Leute keine Freunde mehr. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) französischer Pilot, Schriftsteller, Der kleine Prinz [1943] Karl Rauch Verlag, Düsseldorf, 1950, 59. Auflage 1998, 2008

Hass ist aber auch für jenen Menschen verderblich, von dem er ausgeht. Wie ein Krebsgeschwür zerfrisst der Hass
die Persönlichkeit, zerstört er den Sinn für menschliche Werte und Objektivität. Die Freundschaft heißt nicht zusam-
menhängen und zusammensitzen, Freundschaft ist groß und frei und liegt im Gedanken, für den jeder Raum gleich
nah ist. Clemens von Brentano (1778-1842) deutscher Schriftsteller, Frühlingskranz aus Jugendbriefen Ihm Geflochten, wie Er Selbst Schriftlich Verlangte. Band 1, S. 32, Egbert Bauer, Charlottenburg, 1844, Leipzig, 1909, Forgotten Books, Taschenbuch
13. Oktober 2018

Freundschaft, Liebe und Wahrheit, Lithographie

Freundschaft ist die Ehe der Seelen, und diese Ehe ist der Scheidung unterworfen.
[L'amitié est le mariage de l'âme, et ce mariage est sujet au divorce.]
Voltaire [François-Marie Arouet] (1694-1778) französischer Philo-
soph der europäischen Aufklärung, einflussreicher Wegbereiter
der Französischen Revolution, Kritiker der Feudalherrschaft, Bürgerrechtler, Deist, Historiker, Philosoph, Schriftsteller, Philosophisches Taschenwörterbuch, Band 1, Freundschaft, Genf/London, 1764

Wer von seinem Freund nicht Offenheit ertragen will, wird sie einmal ausgedrückt in Worten des Hasses von seinem Feind ertragen müssen. Otto Leixner von Grünberg [Otto von Leixner] (1847-1907) österreichisch-deutscher Schriftsteller, Literaturkritiker, Journalist, Historiker, zitiert in: Aphorismen.de, Der Weg zum Selbst, Emil Felber, Berlin, 1. Januar 1905, 1912

Zwei Freunde müssen sich im Herzen ähneln, in allem anderen können sie grundverschieden sein.
Sully Prudhomme (1839-1907) französischer Dichter, Schriftsteller, erster Nobelpreisträger für Literatur, Prudhomme, Intimes Tagebuch und Gedanken, Coron Verlag, Zürich, 1. Januar 1966

Der wahre Freund weist uns auf unsere Fehler hin, der falsche weist die anderen darauf hin. Cornelis Johannes Wijnaendts Francken (1863-1944) niederländischer Philosoph, Verleger, zitiert in: Zitate Freundschaft (3), präsentiert von
Tausend Zitate

So selten wahre Liebe ist, wahre Freundschaft ist noch viel seltener. François de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680)
zeitweise politisch aktiver französischer Offizier, Diplomat, Moralist, Schriftsteller, zitiert in: Aphorismen.de, entnommen aus: Reflexionen und moralische Sentenzen [Réflexions ou sentences et maximes morales], 1665, endgültige Fassung 1678

Die Freundschaft ist eine Kunst der Distanz, so wie die Liebe eine Kunst der Nähe ist.
Sigmund Graff (1898-1979) deutscher Schriftsteller, Dramatiker, zitiert in: Zitate berühmter Personen

Bei der Freundschaft fängt's erst an, interessant zu werden. Sich paaren können auch Hunde.
Hildegard Knef (1925-2002) deutsche Schauspielerin, zitiert in: Zitate von Hildegard Knef, Zitate.eu

Zur rechten Zeit muss man mit seinen Feinden Frieden schließen und mit seinen Freunden kämpfen: Der Kluge
richtet sich nach den Umständen und wartet ruhig seine Zeit ab. Hinduistische Lebensweisheit

Bewirte deinen Freund zwei Tage lang, am dritten Tag drücke ihm eine Hacke in die Hand. Afrikanisches Sprichwort

Geh eine Meile, um einen Kranken zu besuchen, zwei, um Frieden zu stiften und drei, um einen Freund zu sehen. Arabisches Sprichwort

Freunde finden, ist leicht, sie behalten schwer. Russisches Sprichwort

Die zuverlässigsten Freunde sind die Feinde deiner Feinde. Arabisches Sprichwort

Freundschaft ist Liebe mit Verstand. Deutsches Sprichwort

Jeder Fremde kann ein unbekannter Freund sein. Afrikanisches Sprichwort

Die Freundschaft, die von Lüge lebt, stirbt an der ersten Wahrheit. Unbekannt

Ein aufrichtiger Freund ist ein Freund, der dir hässliche Dinge ins Gesicht sagt, statt hinter deinem Rücken. Unbekannt

Fremde sind Freunde, die man nur noch nicht kennengelernt hat. Unbekannt

Freundschaft liegt nicht im Trend und folgt keiner Mode. Du bekommst keine Garantie, weder Zinsen noch Rendite. Trotzdem ist sie die beste Investition deines Lebens. Unbekannt

Referenz: de.Wikiquote-Eintrag ► Freundschaft

Literaturzitate

Nicht die Abwesenheit der Liebe, sondern die Abwesenheit der Freundschaft macht die unglücklichen Ehen.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Kulturkritiker, Philologe, Philosoph des Nihilismus, Schriftsteller, Giorgio Colli und Mazzino Montinari, italienische Herausgeber, Sämtliche Werke. Kritische Studienausgabe in 15 Bänden, Band 9, Nachgelassene Fragmente 1885-1887, Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag (dtv) / de Gruyter, Berlin, New York,
1980, 2. Auflage 1988, 1. Mai 2005

Zitate – ausführlich und allgemein

Die Schläge des Liebhabers [Freundes] meinen's recht gut;
aber die Küsse des Hassers sind gar zu reichlich.
Sprüche 27, 6 (AT); siehe auch Psalm 141, 5 (AT)

Dann sagte Jesus zu den Jüngern: «Stellt euch vor, einer von euch hat einen Freund. Mitten in der Nacht geht er zu ihm, klopft an die Tür und bittet ihn: 'Leihe mir doch bitte drei Brote. Ich habe unerwartet Besuch bekommen und nichts im
Haus, was ich ihm anbieten könnte.'
Vielleicht würde der Freund dann antworten: 'Stör mich nicht! Ich habe die Tür schon abgeschlossen und liege im Bett. Außerdem könnten die Kinder von dem Lärm wach werden. Ich kann jetzt nicht aufstehen und dir etwas geben.'
Das sage ich euch: Wenn er schon nicht aufstehen und dem Mann etwas geben will, weil er sein Freund ist, so wird er schließlich doch aus seinem Bett steigen und ihm alles Nötige geben, weil der andere ihm einfach keine Ruhe lässt.
Darum sage ich euch: Bittet Gott, und er wird euch geben. Sucht, und ihr werdet finden. Klopft an, dann wird euch die
Tür geöffnet. Denn wer bittet, der wird bekommen. Wer sucht, der findet. Und wer anklopft, dem wird geöffnet.
Lukas 11, 5-10 (NT)

Aber freilich, wie viele bemühen sich der Früchte wegen um ihre Bäume, um den allerertragreichsten Besitz, dagegen, um die Freundschaft bekümmern sich die meisten nur lässig und ohne Lust.
Xenophon (430-354 v. Chr.) altgriechischer Politiker, Feldherr, Söldner, Händler, Historiker, Schüler von Sokrates, Schriftsteller, zitiert in: Zitate von Xenophon, präsentiert von Zitate.eu

Eurer Freund ist die Antwort auf eure Nöte. Er ist das Feld, das ihr mit Liebe besät und mit Dankbarkeit erntet. Und er ist euer Tisch und euer Herd. Denn ihr kommt zu ihm mit eurem Hunger, und ihr sucht euren Frieden bei ihm. Wenn euer Freund frei heraus spricht, fürchtet ihr weder das "Nein" in euren Gedanken, noch haltet ihr mit dem "Ja" zurück. Und wenn er schweigt, hört euer Herz nicht auf, dem seinen zu lauschen, denn in der Freundschaft werden alle Ge-
danken, alle Wünsche, alle Erwartungen ohne Worte geboren und geteilt, mit Freude, die keinen Beifall braucht.
Khalil Gibran (1883-1931) libanesisch-US-amerikanischer Maler, Philosoph, Dichter, Gedicht Von der Freundschaft, Textauszug von: Der Prophet, 1933, Walter Verlag, Zürich, Düsseldorf, 1998, Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag (dtv), 1. Oktober 2003

Freunde für den Augenblick: sind Menschen, die unser Leben streifen. Man ist nicht für alle Zeiten zusammen, son-
dern immer nur für eine gewisse Zeit. Man muss immer wieder selbst den Anstoss geben. Wenn der Kontakt verloren
geht, verliert man die Freundschaft.
[Augenblickliche Freundschaften] entstehen ad hoc, aus einem bestimmten oder begrenzten Grund, sind flacher und
haben auch Vorteile, bieten Qualität und Abwechslung.
Bonnie Kreps (*1937) dänisch-amerikanische Regisseurin, feministische Autorin, Abschied vom Märchenprinzen. Eine Abrechnung mit der romantischen Liebe, S. 203-204, 1992, Fischer Taschenbuch, 1994

East Asian friends

Das Potential für tiefe Übereinstimmung und Nähe zwischen zwei Menschen ist entweder vorhanden oder nicht, und der Prozess des Übergangs zur Freundschaft und Nähe ist gleichzeitig der Prozess, das herauszufinden. Freundschaft und Liebe werden entdeckt, offenbart, erlebt – durch Zeit, Aufmerksamkeit, Bemühen und Anteilnahme der beteiligten Personen. Bonnie Kreps (*1937) dänisch-amerikanische Regisseurin, feministische Autorin, Abschied vom Märchenprinzen. Eine Abrechnung mit der romantischen Liebe, S. 204, Wolfgang Krüger Verlag, 1992, Fischer Taschenbuch, 1994

Wir neigen dazu, solche Konfrontationen zu vermeiden, denn es ist sehr schwer, sich dabei richtig zu verhalten. Wir reden uns sogar ein, wir wären rücksichtsvoll oder wenig-
stens höflich, wenn wir sie vermeiden. Das ist falsch. Denn das ist keine Rücksichtnahme, sondern fehlende Anteil-
nahme. Freundschaft hat auch den möglichen Vorteil, diese schwierige Liebesarbeit unter weniger belastenden Be-
dingungen zu erlernen, als es in einer Liebesbeziehung oder Ehe möglich wäre.
Bonnie Kreps (*1937) dänisch-amerikanische Regisseurin, feministische Autorin, Abschied vom Märchenprinzen. Eine Abrechnung mit der romantischen Liebe, S. 208, Wolfgang Krüger Verlag, 1992; Fischer Taschenbuch, 1994

Freunde fürs Leben: sind anders. Man muss nicht immer den Anstoß geben, um sicher zu sein, dass die Freund-
schaft noch existiert. Sie sind wie Familie, sie sind einfach nur da. Es sind langlebige und anhaltende Freundschaften
mit absolutem Vertrauen; die Beziehung besteht auf völliger Gegenseitigkeit, und man muss nicht die ganze Zeit zu-
sammen sein. Dr. Lilian B. Rubin, US-amerikanische Autorin, Künstlerin, Just Friends. The Role of Friendship in Our Lives, S. 106,
New York 1985, Harper Perennial, 22. June 1990

Literaturzitate

Die großen Leute haben eine Vorliebe für Zahlen. Wenn ihr ihnen von einem neuen Freund erzählt, befragen sie euch nie über das Wesentliche. Sie fragen euch nie:
- Wie ist der Klang seiner Stimme?
- Welche Spiele liebt er am meisten?
- Sammelt er Schmetterlinge?

Sie fragen euch.

Wie alt ist er?
Wieviel Brüder hat er?
Wieviel wiegt er?
Wieviel verdient sein Vater?

Dann erst glauben sie ihn zu kennen.
Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) französischer Pilot, Schriftsteller,
Der kleine Prinz [1943] Karl Rauch Verlag, Düsseldorf, 1950, 59. Auflage 1998

Zitate zum Thema Nicht-Freundschaft

Das ist also keine wahre Freundschaft, dass, wenn der eine die Wahrheit nicht hören will, der andere zum Lügen bereit ist. Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 v. Chr.) römischer Politiker, Konsul, 63 v. Chr., Anwalt, Philosoph, berühmter Redner, Schriftsteller, Laelius de Amicitia, Über die Freundschaft, 26., Herbst 44 v. Chr.

Echte Johanniskrautblüte, Ohleberg in Buseck, 25. Juni 2005

Jedermanns Freund ist jedermanns Depp.
Franz Josef Strauß (1915-1988) deutsch-bayrischer Politiker, CSU-Vorsitzender, bayerischer Ministerpräsident, zitiert in: Artikel "Everybody's darling is everybody's Depp.", präsentiert von der deutschen Wirtschafts- und Finanzzeitung Handelsblatt, 6. September 2015

Irgendwo fängt in jedem Menschenleben jene Verlassenheit an, in der uns nichts erreicht, kein Wort, kein Trost, kein Freund. In dieses grenzenlose Alleinsein geht nur einer mit, und das ist Gott. Gedenktext von Aenne Perl, deutsche Aphoristikerin, zitiert in: Maria Rohmer, Am Ende des Regenbogens, Kapitel 44, S. 134, neobooks, 29. August 2016

Nur Feinde sagen die Wahrheit. Freunde und geliebte Menschen sind gefangen im Netz der Verpflichtungen und lügen unaufhörlich. Stephen King (*1947) US-amerikanischer Romanschriftsteller für Science fiction und Horror-Literatur, Joachim Körber, Übersetzer, Schwarz. Der dunkle Turm I. [1982], Heyne, München, 13. Auflage, 2002,
2003, erweiterte und überarbeitete Neuausgabe, 2005

Zwischen dem, der befiehlt und dem, der gehorcht, kann es keine Form der Freundschaft geben.
Michael Bakunin (1814-1876) russischer Revolutionär, einflussreicher Theoretiker des Kollektivistischen Anarchismus, Aktivist und Organisator der anarchistischen Bewegung, zitiert in: Aufsatz Du bist nichts, dein Karma ist alles. Esoterik und Herrschaft, präsentiert
von Sozialistische Positionen, Utz Anhalt, ~2000

Zitate von Freunden an Freunde

Rudi, ich warte auf ein Wort von Dir. Ich strecke dir meine Hand entgegen und fühle, wie du meine Hand drückst. Bitte vergiss mich nicht, Rudi. Ich bin sehr arm geworden, sehr arm. Ich brauche dich.
Versprich mir, Geduld mit mir zu haben.
Viktor E. Frankl (1905-1997) österreichischer Psychiater, Psychotherapeut, Neurologe, KZ-Überlebender, Sinnforscher, Begründer der Logotherapie, exzerpiert aus einem Brief von Wien an seinen Freund Rudolf Stenger, während einer Depression von Mitte
August 1945 bis Mitte April 1946, 30. Oktober 1945

General quotes

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Proverbs 27, 6 (OT)

Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life.
When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, and comrades, he can be expected to develop
and pursue the noble eightfold path.
Upaddha Sutta: Half (of the Holy Life), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu, 1997

And he said to them, 'Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, "Friend,
lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him." And he
answers from within, "Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in
bed; I cannot get up and give you anything." I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything
because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.
'So I say to you, 'Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened
for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks,
the door will be opened.' Luke 11, 5-10 (NT)

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15, 13 (NT)

Personal avowals

Sometimes I forget completely what companionship is. Unconscious and insane, I spill sad energy everywhere. My story gets told in various ways: a romance, a dirty joke, a war, a vacancy.
Divide up my forgetfulness to any number, it will go around. These dark suggestions that I follow, are they part of
some plan? Friends, be careful. Don't come near me out of curiousity, or sympathy.
Jalal ad-Din Muḥammad Rumi (1207-1273) Persian Muslim Sufi mystic, theologian jurist, poet, Coleman Barks (*1937) US Ame-
rican translator, poet, John Moyne, translator, The Essential Rumi, S. 47, Harper, San Francisco, 1995, 7th edition 28. May 2004;
cited in: Sometimes I forget completely – Rumi, Mystery of Ascension, 14. March 2018

I love my friends neither with my heart nor with my mind. Just in case heart might stop, mind can forget, I love them
with my Soul. Soul never stops or forgets.
Jalal ad-Din Muḥammad Rumi (1207-1273) Persian Muslim Sufi mystic, theologian jurist, poet, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

When Farrell he retracted from false feminist conclusions around 1992 Gloria Steinem and Betty Friedan alienated him, unwilling to listen to his arguments.

I had to redefine what a friend was, because among my friends were Gloria Stei-
nem, Betty Friedan, and people who were significant players in the feminist movement. I didn't realize that if a person breaks from you because you differ in their ideology, is that a friend? Or is a friend somebody who respects your integrity and listens to you very well and requires you to listen to him or her and to represent them well as well, or is that what a friend is. The most important characteristic for me of a friend is integrity and also the ability to put down other priorities and go out of their way to involve with me
at points in time when I need them and expect the same with me.
Video interview with Warren Farrell Farrell.com (*1943) US American political scientist, author, spokesman of men's liberation, men's rights activist, former director of the National Organisation for Women, speaker, author, Warren Farrell interviewed by Libertarian Matt Kibbe: from N.O.W. to Now, presented by crtv, host Matt Kibbe, US American president and chief commu-
nity organizer of Free the People, YouTube film, minute 6:39, 37:27 minutes duration, aired and posted 8. February 2018

Appeals

Be a friend. Do not let me get away with my BS. Removed audio presentation by Caroline Myss Myss.com (*1952) US American spiritual teacher, mystic, medical intuitive, bestselling author, How Times of Change Influence Your Sacred Contracts, sponsored by the "Celebrate your Life" conference, Phoenix, Arizona, archived in Myss Free Media, 1:18:19 duration, 5.-8. No-
vember 2010

We need to share with those who have earned the right to hear it and people who are invested in the friendship.
Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or
two really good friends, we are lucky. Sharing and hearing intimate stories is also not most people's "default set-
ting," since we tend to self-protect from hurtful things. If someone drops a shame bomb on me, I am likely to give
a non-compassionate response if my own resources feel scarce.
Interview with Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW (*1965) US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, Graduate College
of Social Work, University of Houston, public speaker, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness,
presented by the US American liberal-oriented online newspaper Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011,
updated 17. November 2011

Recommendations

Reprove your friend in secret and praise him openly.
Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) Italian polymath: painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer,
inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, writer, Jean Paul Richter, translator, The Notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci, chapter XIX "Philosophical Maxims. Morals. Polemics and Speculations", 1888

Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none.
Benjamin Franklin [The First American, US Founding Father] (1706-1790) US American statesman, political theorist, occultist, polymath, diplomat, civic activist, author, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

Friends, oil on canvas by Jerry Weiss, 2003

Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low, could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle. Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) Danish existentialist philosopher, theologian, writer, cited in: Kierkegaard Aphorisms, presented by antilogicalism, 6. May 2016

But please remember, especially in these times of group-think and the right-on chorus, that no person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you were intended. Alice Walker (*1944) US-American feminist, political activist, poet, author, recipient of the Pulitzer Prize (1983) and the National Book Award, In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens. Womanist Prose, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1983

Having spiritual friends is not a superficial comfort. It helps free us from a trance of separation so deep that we are often not aware of it. Conscious relationships shine a direct light both on our layered feelings of unworthiness and loneliness, and on the truth of our belonging. We begin to respond more compassionately and actively to the suffering of the world. Our real community, we discover, includes all beings. As we relax and trust this belonging to the web of life, we recognize the one awareness that shines through each being. Tara Brach, Ph.D. tarabrach.com (*1953) US Ame-
rican psychologist, political scientist, proponent of Buddhist meditation, author, True Refuge. Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart, Bantam House, 22. January 2013, Facebook entry, 24. February 2013

Conclusion

Intelligent people tend to have less friends than the average person. The smarter you are, the more selective you become. Nikola Tesla (1856-1943) Serbian US American physicist, mechanical and electrical engineer, inventor, cited in: Quotepark

A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals a secret
of hidden treasure. Buddha (563-483 BC) Indian Avatar, teacher of enlightenment, central figure of Buddhism, cited in: Bukkyō Dendō Kyōkai, The Teachings of Buddha, S. 120, Sterling Paperbacks, 2004, reprint edition 2006

An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil
friend will wound your mind.
Buddha (563-483 BC) Indian Avatar, teacher of enlightenment, central figure of Buddhism, The teaching of Buddha. The Buddhist Bible – A Compendium of Many Scriptures Translated from the Japanese, Zen Nippon Bukkyo Seinenkai Renmei, 1934

Noble friendship is the supreme remedy for all ills, physical and mental.
Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj (1897-1981) Indian Hindu sage of the advaita vedānta tradition, cited in: The Talks of Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj, presented by the blogspot ombhurbhuva, 3. January 2015

Have no friends not equal to yourself. Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese sage, social philosopher, sponsor of Confucianism,
the Chinese state religion, zitiert in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than a true friend.
Saint Thomas Aquinas [Doctor Universalis] (1225-1274) Italian Catholic saint, Dominican priest, highly influential philosopher, theo-
logian in the tradition of scholasticism, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

Successful conflict resolution

Turning enemies into friends

A war is not won if the defeated enemy has not been turned into a friend.
Eric Hoffer (1902-1983) US American longshoreman philosopher, social writer, Reflections on the Human Condition, Harper & Row, 1973, Hopewell Publications, 8. September 2006

Genuine friendship emerges on the basis of trust. [...] In order to develop trust you must first extend (open) your
heart. Be open, transferring, honest, truthful, treat others and animals kindly and warm-heartedly, then trust will come.
H.H. 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso (*1935) Tibetan monk, leader of the Gelug or "Yellow Hat" branch of Tibetan Buddhism, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, 1989, The Quest for Happiness in Challenging Times, deleted RealPlayer video, sponsored by University of Miami, Miami, Florida, minute 20:00, 98:48 minutes duration, aired 26. October 2010

What you feel in the presence of a true spiritual friend is equality, the real equality of soul. That is the priceless gift
of somebody who is in that state of humilty. It is like a rose opening and sending it's fragrance.
Interview with Andrew Harvey (*1952) Indian-British religious scholar, Rumi translator and explicator, teacher of mystic traditions, architect of Sacred Activism, poet, novelist, author, Teachers and Seekers: An Interview with Andrew Harvey, presented by the
US American media company Yoga Journal, Catherine Ingram, issue 123, S. 60, July/August 1995

The day you formally ask for help is the first step on a journey of lifelong exploration.
Rev. Rosalyn L. Bruyere (*1946) US American spiritual teacher, white medicine woman, energy healer, aura reader, Easter sermon, Audio EASTER, minute 40:33, 24. April 2011

What is a friend? It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies.
Aristotle (384-322 BC) Greek philosopher, physician, scientist, misogynist, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

Perfect friendship is the friendship of men who are good, and alike in virtue. Aristotle (384-322 BC) Greek philosopher, physician, scientist, misogynist, W. D. Ross, translator, Nicomachean Ethics, book VIII, written 350 BC

The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship.
Francis Bacon (1561-1626) English philosopher, statesman, scientist, lawyer, jurist, author, pioneer of the scientific method,
cited in: Quotes.net

The only reward of virtue is virtue; the only way to have a friend is to be one.
Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US American philosopher, Unitarian, lecturer, poet, essayist, Essays. First Series, "Friendship", 1841

A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence
of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second
thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical
atom meets another. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US American philosopher, Unitarian, lecturer, poet, essayist, Essays. First Series, "Friendship", 1841

The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship; it's the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friend. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US American philosopher, Unitarian, lecturer, poet, essayist, poem On Friendship, ~1841; cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. Euripedes (480-406 BC) Ancient Greek philosopher, writer, tragedy Alcestis, 438 BC, Gilbert Murray, translator, Theodore Alois Buckley, translator, Alcestis, Scribe Publishing, ebook, 10. March 2017

Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity has friends galore. Euripedes (480-406 BC) Ancient Greek philosopher, writer, play Hecuba, 1763, W. Arrowsmith, translator, Euripides. Hecuba, S. 127, The University of Chicago, 1958

Friendship is always an act of recognition. In the moment of friendship, two souls suddenly recognize each other. […] [A] flash of recognition and the embers of kinship glow […] a sense of ancient knowing. You come home to each other at last. […] A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. John O'Donohue johnodonohue.com (1956-2008) Irish priest, Hegelian philosopher, storyteller, poet, author, Anam Cara. A Book of Celtic Wisdom, Harper Collins, 21. October 1998

Note

Suppose you have "fallen in love with" and married your friend and now you are offered the choice of two futures:

Either you two will cease to be lovers but remain forever joint seekers of the same God, the same beauty, the same truth, or else, losing all that, you will retain as long as you live the raptures and ardors, all the wonder and the wild desire of Eros. Choose which you please.
C. S. Lewis (1898-1963) Irish British novelist, literary scholar, Life, Works, and Legacy Volume 4. Scholar, Teacher, and Public Intellectual, S. 67, Praeger Publishers, April 2007

Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other;
Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.
C. S. Lewis (1898-1963) Irish British novelist, literary scholar, The Four Loves, full quote, Geoffrey Bles, Northern Ireland, 1960

Having a lover and friends who look at you as a true living breathing entity, one that is human but made of very fine
and moist and magical things as well [...] a lover and friends who support the criatura [creature] in you [...] these are
the people you are looking for. They will be the friends of your soul for life. Mindful choosing of friends and lovers,
not to mention teachers, is critical to remaining conscious, remaining intuitive, remaining in charge of the
fiery light that sees and knows. Clarissa Pinkola Estés (*1945) US American Jungian psychoanalyst, post-trauma specialist, poet, writer, Women Who Run With the Wolves. Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, Ballantine Books, 1st edition November 1992, updated, with new material 1996

Friendship is a mirror to presence and a testament to forgiveness. Friendship not only helps us to see ourselves
through another's eyes, but can be sustained over the years only with someone who has repeatedly forgiven us for
our trespasses as we must find it in ourselves to forgive them in turn.
A friend knows our difficulties and shadows and remains in sight, a companion to our vulnerabilities more than our
triumphs, when we are under the strange illusion we do not need them. An undercurrent of real friendship is a bles-
sing exactly because its elemental form is rediscovered again and again through understanding and mercy. All friend-
ships of any length are based on a continued, mutual forgiveness. Without tolerance and mercy all friendships
die.
In the course of the years a close friendship will always reveal the shadow in the other as much as ourselves, to
remain friends we must know the other and their difficulties and even their sins and encourage the best in them,
not through critique but through addressing the better part of them, the leading creative edge of their incarnation,
thus subtly discouraging what makes them smaller, less generous, less of themselves.
Friendship is the great hidden transmuter of all relationship: it can transform a troubled marriage, make honora-
ble a professional rivalry, make sense of heartbreak and unrequited love and become the newly discovered ground
for a mature parent-child relationship.
The dynamic of friendship is almost always underestimated as a constant force in human life: a diminishing
circle of friends is the first terrible diagnostic of a life in deep trouble: of overwork, of too much emphasis on a profes-
sional identity of forgetting who will be there when our armored personalities run into the inevitable natural disasters
and vulnerabilities found in even the most ordinary existence. […]
Friendship transcends disappearance: an enduring friendship goes on after death, the exchange only transmuted by
absence, the relationship advancing and maturing in a silent internal conversational way even after one half of the
bond has passed on.
But no matter the medicinal virtues of being a true friend or sustaining a long close relationship with another, the ulti-
mate touchstone of friendship is not improvement, neither of the self nor of the other, the ultimate touchstone is wit-
ness, the privilege of having been seen by someone and the equal privilege of being granted the sight of the essence
of another, to have walked with them and to have believed in them, and sometimes just to have accompanied them
for however brief a span, on a journey impossible to accomplish alone.
David Whyte (*1955) US American poet, Consolations. The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words, chapter on "Friendship", Many Rivers Press, 1. January 2015

A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the
words. Bernard Meltzer (1916-1998) US American radio host for several decades, cited in: Search Quotes

True happiness is of a retired nature, and an enemy to pomp and noise; it arises, in the first place, in the enjoy-
ment of one's self, and, in the next, from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions.
Joseph Addison (1672-1719) English politician, playwright, poet, essayist, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends.
Jacques Delille (1738-1813) French poet, translator, cited in: Inspiring Quotes

Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack. Women treat it like glass and it goes to
pieces. Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906-2001) pioneering US American aviator, author, spouse of fellow aviator Charles
Lindbergh, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable.
David Tyson Gentry, US American aphorist, cited in: quotes.net

Your worst enemy could be your best friend and your best friend can be your worst enemy.
Bob Marley (1945-1981) Jamaican singer-songwriter, musician, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

Friendship depends on making time to deepen the relationship. Spending time together doing simple things
keeps friendships fresh and alive. Spending time together allows the good and bad to be discussed.
Deleted comment provided by marriage.about.com

It is exactly your true friend who shows you where you fail. Dutch proverb

Who seeks a faultless friend remains friendless. Turkish proverb

Reference: en.Wikiquote entry ► Friendship

Literary quotes

But my friendship sitteth not on a weather vane. Eric Rücker Eddison [E. R. Eddison] (1882-1945) English civil servant, author, The Worm Ouroboros, chapter 31 "The Demons Before Carce, 1922

'Why did you do all this for me?' he asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.'
'You have been a friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing.'
E. B. White (1899-1985) US American contributor to The New Yorker magazine, writer, children's novel Charlotte's Web,
Harper & Brothers, 1952

Song lines

With A Little Help From My Friends

Audio sample:

With a Little Help from My Friends Song sung by Ringo Starr (*1940) English musician, drummer for the Beatles, actor, written by John Lennon and Paul McCartney, The Beatles album Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 3. paragraph, 2. line, 1967

Quotes on enemies ⇔ friends

To forgive is not to forget. The merit lies in loving in spite of the vivid knowledge that the one that must be loved is not
a friend. There is no merit in loving an enemy when you forget him for a friend. Mohandas Karamchand Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian sage, spiritual activist leader, humanitarian, lawyer, nonviolent freedom fighter, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

Have no friends not equal to yourself.
Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese sage, social philosopher, sponsor of Confucianism, the Chinese state religion, source unknown

A certain emperor, being reproached for rewarding, instead of destroying his enemies, replied, I destroy my enemies,
by making them my friends.
Quote falsely attributed to Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) assassinated 16th US President (1861-1865), abolisher of slavery, presen-
ted by the newspaper "New England Farmer", Massachussetts, Boston, pg. 216 (8), column 3, 31. January 1824

We are not enemies, but friends […]. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) assassinated 16th US President (1861-1865), abolisher of slavery, Inaugural Address, 1861

That, however, is no friendship, in which one of the (so-called) friends does not want to hear the truth, and the other is ready to lie. Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC) Roman statesman, political theorist, consul, lawyer, constitutionalist, philosopher, orator, author, treatise on friendship Laelius de Amicitia ["On Friendship"], 26. Flattery availing only with the feeble-minded, 44 BC

In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968) US American Baptist minister, activist, leader of the African American civil rights movement, cited in: Goodreads Quotable Quote

Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never any-
thing but sharing. It is a friend that you communicate the awakening of a desire, the birth of a vision or a terror, the anguish of seeing the sun disappear or of finding that order and justice are no more.
Elie Wiesel (1928-2016) German-French Jewish professor, political activist, Nazi concentration camp survivor, writer, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, 1986, Nobel Peace Prize lecture Hope, Despair, and Memory, Oslo, Norway, 10. December 1986, The Gates
of the Forest. A Novel, Schocken, paperback edition 16. May 1995

To vanquish your enemies, make friends with them. Chinese proverb

You learn in this business: If you want a friend, get a dog.
Carl Icahn (*1936) US American billionaire financier, corporate raider, private equity investor, 46th richest man in the world,
net worth US$ 14 billion (status 2008), cited in: Carl Icahn Quotes, presented by Quoteswise

Englische Texte – English section on Friendship

Four types of friendships

Four kinds of friends in support of thrivingness

༺༻	Type of friend	Description		Quality
1.	Cheerleader	Endlessly supportive, sympathetic, not empathetic		Generous·◊·spoiling
2.	Harrasser·or·teaser	Diffusing the friend's excess seriousness, selfimportance		Challenging·◊·edgy

3.	Prophet	Asking important questions, proddingly	What is guiding you?	Challenging·◊·difficult
4.	Soul friend Anam cara[*] Spiritual supporter	Trusting companion who sees and calls on the friend's potential in a nonembarrassing straight-gentle way		Uplifting·◊·loving

Source: ► Audio interview with Robert Wicks, Ph.D. robertjwicks.com US American professor of clinical psychology, Loyola University Maryland, speaker, writer on the intersection of spirituality and psychology, Ensuring Your Well-Being, presented by the US American
web radio station New Dimensions, host Michael Toms, minute 3:44, 55:44 minutes duration, recorded 3. November 2011

References:
► Article The 8 kinds of friends you need to be happy in life, presented by the UK/US based weekly news magazine The Week,
Eric Barker, 28. November 2017
1. Builder, 2. Champion, 3. Collaborator, 4. Companion, 5. Connector, 6. Energizer, 7. Mind Opener, 8. Navigator
► Blog article You Don't Meet Anyone By Accident – 6 Types Of Cosmic Connections, first published September 2018,
presented by the online publication https://herway.net/herway.net, Martha Sullivan, 30. April 2020
1. Those meant to awake us • 2. Those who remind us • 3. Those that help us grow • 4. People that hold space for us • 5. Those who stay

Reference: en.Wikipedia entry ► Zai sheng yuan (Renewed spiritual bond between two reincarnated individuals)

See also:
► Four categories of friendship, love and truth
► From conception to birth – Stanislav Grof Four perinatal matrices of pregnancy and the birthing process
► Questions and ► Empathy and ► Trust

[*] The term Anam Cara is a Gaelic term for "soul friend". It was originally used in the early Celtic church. A soul friend is a loving companion to whom you can unburden your heart as you move along your spiritual path. They are also someone you can count on to be both caringly supportive and brutally honest if need be.

A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. […]
An Anam Cara was a person who acted as a teacher, companion, or spiritual guide. Someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the Anam Cara you could share your innermost self, your mind and your heart. John O'Donahue johnodonohue.com (1956-2008) Irish priest, Hegelian philosopher, storyteller, poet, author, Anam Cara. A Book of Celtic Wisdom, Harper Collins, 21. October 1998

Four categories of friendship, love and truth

Friendships ranging from the unconscious road to the conscious path

Stage 1:
Unconscious heaven[✰]

Obligatory ♦ easy ♦ broad
Unconscious road

Stage 2:
Unconscious hell

✿	Alchemical density	Truth Love	Description	Relation	Ratio Tempo	Pronoun/s	Focus	Birthing trauma[⚡]	Soul pattern[❄]
1.	White	Nice EASY	Puppy love, superficial, fleeting, mild betrayal Bubbly young cider	Loose friends Acquaintances Accomplices	Very many Very fast	ME	Private self-oriented	Womb	Unconscious paradise
2.	Red	Engaged QUICK&DIRTY	Passionate, affectionate, impulsive, driven, frantic	Committed attached friends	Many Fast	YOU & ME	Personal secluded relationships Exclusive	Expulsion Labour	Paradise lost Boost of trust hormone oxytocin

Stage 3:
Conscious hell

Voluntary ♦ difficult ♦ narrow
Conscious path

Stage 4:
Conscious heaven

✿	Alchemical density	Truth Love	Description	Relation	Ratio Tempo	Pronoun/s	Focus	Birthing trauma	Primal pattern
3.	Black	Aw(e)ful RADICAL DIFFICULT	Intense, deeply connected, inquiring, challenging, demanding, charging, rewarding shadow work, releasing blocked energies shared by the collective Ripened wine	True friends Mutual growth	Few Slow	WE & YOU & ME	Public, group-oriented	Birth canal Fight for dear life	Hell experience Turbulence Karma
4.	Trans- parent	Trans- formative RECREATIVE	Life transforming, new born, all-encompassing, timeless	Lasting friendship	Very few Very slow	US ALL & WE & YOU & ME	All encompassing Inclusive	Umbilical cord severed	New earth (womb), new heaven First breath of life

Siehe auch: ► Vier Intensitätsgrade von Freundschaft, Liebe und Wahrheit

The crucial error of the romantic view

[✰][❄] The Romantic view is that the infant starts out in a state of unconscious Heaven. [...] [T]he infant self is actually one with the dynamic Ground of Being – but in an unconscious (or "un-self-conscious") fashion. Thus, unconscious Heaven – blissful, wonderful, mystical, the paradisiacal state out of which it will soon fall, and to which it will always long to return. [...]
[S]ometime in the first few years of life, the self differentiates from the environment, the union with the dynamic Ground
is lost, subject and object are separated, and the self moves from unconscious Heaven into conscious Hell – the world
of egoic alienation, repression, terror, tragedy.
But, the happy account continues, the self can make a type of U-turn in development, sweep back to the prior infantile, union state, re-unite with the great Ground of Being, only now in a fully conscious and self-actualized way, and thus find conscious Heaven. ⚡ Ken Wilber (*1949) US American transpersonal philosopher, consciousness researcher, thought leader of the 3rd millennium, developer of Integral Theory, author, The Eye of Spirit. An Integral Vision for a World Gone Slightly Mad, chapter "The Romantic View", S. 95, Shambhala Publications, 1998

Example of true love/friendship in action – accepting full responsibility coupled with full dependency

Firstly, I am fully responsible for everything, secondly, however, I am fully dependent on the other. […] One wants to dismiss both of these insights as contradictory. For many the simultaneousness of full responsibility (also for acts of their partners against them) and full dependency on their (private) dreams, thoughts, decisions seems un-
bearable. It means to let the unconscious become conscious, to accept that our unconscious actions are entwined. Michael Lukas Moeller, German psychologist, couple therapist, author, Die Wahrheit beginnt
zu zweit. Das Paar im Gespräch [Truth begins with two. Couples in dialog], S. 178-179, Rowohlt, 1988, 26. edition January 1997

Three kinds of friendships commonly practiced – Aristotle

✿	Type of friendship	Backdrop	Example	Condition	Duration
1.	Friendship for pleasure	"For a reason"	Two people discover that they have common interests in an activity which they can pursue together.	Two tennis players might enjoy playing in matches together.	As long as the pleasure continues
2.	Friendship grounded on utility	"For a season"	Two people can benefit by engaging in a coordinated activity.	One person teaches the other to play tennis for a fee. One benefits by learning, the other benefits financially.	As long as mutual utility is secured
3.	Friendship for the good	"For a lifetime"	Two people engage in common activities solely for the sake of developing the overall goodness of the other. Here, neither pleasure nor utility are relevant, but the good is. ²	Two people with heart disease might play tennis with each other for the sake of the exercise that contributes to the overall health of both. The good is never wholly realized.	Principally lasting for a lifetime

4.	Asymmetric friendships	Unsteady	One party is seeking a certain payoff while the other seeks a different one.		Inherently unstable, prone to dissatisfaction

Source: ► Aristotle (384-322 BC) classical Greek pre-Christian philosopher, physician, scientist,
misogynist, Nichomachean Ethics, VIII 3, Greek and Latin edition 1566

For without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.
Aristotle (384-322 BC) classical Greek pre-Christian philosopher, physician, scientist, misogynist,
Nichomachean Ethics, VIII 3, Greek and Latin edition 1566

Four essential stages of a dating relationship

Stages of coming closer in a relationship

Stage	Focus		Legend
1.	Attraction	Soul, character, heart, mind, voice, body	Feeling drawn to someone (across the room, a photo) as if something is pushing oneself toward them.
2.	Verbal exploration		Beginning to explore each other verbally (not physically). Having conversations to find out the basics (who, where, what) about each other.

3.	Emotional intimacy		Beginning to establish a solid emotional bond and building trust by telling each other things you hesitate to share in general.
4.	Physical intimacy		A sexual relationship is the consummation of the first three stages.

Inspired by ► Rabbi Shmuley Boteach (*1966) US American Orthodox rabbi, marriage counsellor, radio and television host,
author, Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments, Harmony, 1st edition 16. January 2001

See also: ► Relational levels and ► Relationship tips and ► Relationship

Restoring dysfunctional friendships and love relationships

Healing conditional friendships and love relationships

༺༻	Dysfunctional behavior	Description	Functional behavior	Description
1.	Contracts	Partners have outspoken or silent agreements about certain behaviors. Expectations do not work. Taboos are psychological time bombs.	Responsibility	Taking responsibility for one's needs, feelings, attitudes and behaviors. The more aware partner takes the lead to start to undo dysfunctional contracts until both partners are able to face them together.
2.	Withholds	Information and emotions are withheld from each other out of fear to hurt the other or to expose one's own vulnerablity. Resulting in doubt, distance, and uncertainty.	Confrontation	Choosing to genuinely, honestly, not aggressively confront the other about important issues.
3.	Hidden Agendas	Avoidance to share intentions or plans with the other. Absence of honesty and genuine dialog. Inequal relationship.	Exploration	Actively exploring, sharing, and learning with each other by embarking into adventures and outings. Better understanding, deeper bonding
4.	Power Games	Missing trust will trigger attempts to control the partner.	Respect	Always extending kindness, consideration, caring and compassion to each other. Understanding the needs (not wants) of the other. Being willing to meet them. Respecting and dignifying builds trust.
5.	Negativity	Without trust and love a friendship will deteriorate into blaming, judging, avoiding, and patronizing	Positivity	Teaming up and continually discovering positive solutions together. Refraining from opposing, blaming or demeaning, or competing with the partner.

Inspired by: ► Deleted blog article by Nisandeh Neta, Making Friendships Work, undated

A successful relationship is one that brings you joy, contentment, a feeling of security. If the relationship is working you feel emotionally safe with the other person. Emotionally safe. What does that mean? It means you can reveal your downside and the other person will help you overcome it. Recontectualize it for them. So one of the greatest gifts we give each other is we recontextualize it back to the other person. ⚡ Dr. David R. Hawkins, Sedona Seminar Integration of Spirituality and Personal Life, Poco Diablo Resort, DVD disc of 3, track 6, Poco Diablo Resort, 28. February 2003

Friendship ending the night

Famous hassidic tale on darkness and light

Sunset behind a tree

A Rabbi asked his students,

How can we determine the hour of dawn, when the night ends and the day begins?

One of his students suggested,

When from a distance you can distinguish between a dog and a sheep?

No,

was the answer from the Rabbi.

Is it when one man can distinguish between a fig tree and a grape vine?

asked a second student.

No,

the Rabbi said.

Please tell us the answer, then,

said the students.

It is, then,

said the wise teacher,

when you can look into the face of a stranger and you have enough
light within you to recognize them as your brothers and sisters.
Up until then it is night, and darkness is still with us.

See also: ► Stories and ► Darkness and ► Light

Speak us of friendship

Speak to us of Friendship!

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love
and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger,
and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear
not the "nay" in your own mind,
nor do you withhold the "ay".
And when he is silent your heart ceases
not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts,
all desires, all expectations are born and shared,
with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most
in him may be clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship
save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure
of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth:
and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend
that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need,
but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship
let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things
the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Source: ► Khalil Gibran (1883-1931) Lebanese American painter, philosopher, poet, writer,
The Prophet, Alfred A. Knopf, 1923

The Fox and the Little Prince

Said the fox:

"Are you looking for chickens?"

"No,"

said the little prince.

"I am looking for friends. What does that mean – 'tame'?"

"It is an act too often neglected,"

said the fox.

"It means to establish ties."

"'To establish ties'?"

"Just that,"

said the fox.

"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world."

"I am beginning to understand,"

said the little prince.

"There is a flower ... I think that she has tamed me." [...]

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please – tame me!"

he said.

"I want to, very much,"

the little prince replied.

"But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."

"One only understands the things that one tames,"

said the fox.

"Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me."

"What must I do, to tame you?"

asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient,"

replied the fox.

"First you will sit down at a little distance from me – like that – in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner
of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings.
But you will sit a little closer to me, every day."

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour,"

said the fox.

"If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall al-
ready be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you. One must observe the proper rites."

"What is a rite?"

asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected,"

said the fox.

"They are what make one day different from other days, one hour different from other hours."

So the little prince tamed the fox.
And when the hour of his departure drew near –

"Ah,"

said the fox,

"I shall cry."

"It is your own fault,"

said the little prince.

"I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you."

"Yes, that is so,"

said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!"

said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so,"

said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"

"It has done me good,"

said the fox,

"because of the color of the wheat fields." [...]

And he [the little prince] went back to meet the fox.

"Goodbye,"

he said.

"Goodbye,"

said the fox.

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."

"What is essential is invisible to the eye,"

the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.

"It is the time I have wasted for my rose –",

said the little prince so he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth,"

said the fox.

"But you must not forget it.
You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.
You are responsible for your rose."

Source: ► Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) French aviator, writer, The Little Prince, chapter 21
The Little Prince and the Fox, "The Little Prince and the Fox", Reynal & Hitchcock, September 1943

See also: ► Stories

Compliance to orders – Turning foes into friends

A king sent out his commander with a troop of soldiers to a foreign battle field. His command to the general was:

Vanquish my foes!

After the general and the army had left the kingdom the regent had not received any news about what had resulted on the battle ground. After many months had passed the king, disquieted, sent out a scout to search for the commander and to report back.

On assumed war territory the scout came across a camp, out of which one could hear gay babble of voices. Coming closer he found the commander and his soldiers sitting together with the king's foes at a table and having a good time.

The scout took the commander in charge to task:

General, you have failed to execute the king's order!
Instead of eliminating your king's foes you are fraternizing with them.

The chided commander serenely replied:

Certainly, we have executed the king's command.
The enemy is vanquished AND we have made new friends!

To vanquish your enemies, make friends with them. Chinese proverb

See also: ► Solution ► and Stories

Siehe auch: ► Auftrag erfüllt – Feinde ⇔ Freunde

Foundation for a friendship between science and religion

Some principal elements for the rapprochement between science and religion:

Both science and religion make use of educated guesses to create theories, devise rules, and build models. Most scientific and religious models – including human identities (or self models) – are found wanting and must be revised or discarded.
Human fallibility does not invalidate the process. One success (breakthrough), which may then spread via imitation (mimesis), makes up for countless failures.
The alternative to religious, political, or scientific fundamentalism is not relativism nor obscurantism, it's modeling.
Both scientific and religious precepts ultimately rest on painstaking observation.
The models of religion, politics, the arts, and the sciences are the DNA of civilization.
Both science and religion can reduce suffering: science by alleviating material wants (e.g., hunger and disease), religion
by cultivating virtues (e.g., kindness and compassion).
Both religion and science sometimes cling stubbornly to their mistakes.
The process of discovery (i.e. eureka, epiphany, revelation, awakening, enlightenment) is basically the same in all fields.
Both scientists and religious leaders have sometimes self-servingly put institutional interests above the public interest.
And both science and religion have produced leaders who've sacrificed themselves for truth, beauty, and justice.
Science envisions that hunger, disease, and scarcity can be overcome. Religion harbors the hope that peace is attain-
able. Science and religion could both deliver on the dream of sufficiency and decency.

Source: ► Article by Robert W. Fuller, Ph.D. robertworksfuller.com (*1936) US American professor of physics,
college president, dignity and rankism researcher, lecturer, author, A Foundation for a Beautiful Friendship,
presented by the US American bimonthly magazine Psychology Today, 16. July 2012

See also: ► Science and ► Religion

Simple and REAL friendship

Friends: Some Simple, Some Real

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
❄ A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
❄ A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
❄ A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
❄ A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
❄ A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
❄ A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
❄ A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
❄ A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
❄ A real friend expects to always be there for you!

Anonymous

Links zum Thema Freundschaft / Friendship

Literatur

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) französischer Pilot, Schriftsteller, Bekenntnis einer Freundschaft, Rauch, 21. Auflage Oktober 1999
Dorothee Röhrig (*1953) deutsche Journalistin, Chefredakteurin und Herausgeberin der Zeitschrift »Emotion«, Autorin, Aus
und vorbei. Woran Frauenfreundschaften zerbrechen und wie wir daran wachsen, Kailash, 1. Auflage 11. November 2019

Literature (engl.)

Tom Rath (*1975) US American psychologist, consultant on employee engagement, strengths, and well-being, author, Vital Friends. The People You Can't Afford to Live without, Gallup Press, 1. August 2006

Externe Weblinks

Wikipedia Einträge Freundschaft, Fight-or-flight – Kampf oder Flucht-Reaktion Begriff der Stressforschung, eingeführt von Walter Cannon 1915, rasche Adrenalin-Testosterone-basierte körperlich/seelische Anpassung von Lebewesen (mehr bei Männern, weniger bei Frauen) in Gefahrensituationen

External web links (engl.)

Wikipedia entries Fight-or-freeze-or-flight response Testosterone-Adrenaline based physiological reaction to a perceived harmful event, attack, or threat to survival, first described by Walter Bradford Cannon, 1915, Friendship, Soul friend, Tend-and-befriend Oxytocin based behavior exhibited by some animals and humans, when under threat, first described by Taylor et al., Psychological Review, 2000

Blog article Why smart people are better off with fewer friends, presented by the American daily newspaper The Washington Post, Christopher Ingraham, 18. March 2016
Carol Graham, researcher on the economics of happiness at Brookings Institution: "[Not surprisingly] those with more intelligence and the capacity to use it […] are less likely to spend so much time socializing because they are focused on some other longer term objective."
Article Why Unfriending People on Facebook Is Immature and Counterproductive, presented by the US American web portal Big Think, Derek Beres, 8:02 minutes duration, 22. June 2016
Article The 8 kinds of friends you need to be happy in life, presented by the weekly British / U.S. news magazine The Week,
Eric Barker, 28. November 2017

1. Builder: If you were a sports team, they'd be the "Coach."
2. Champion: Pom-poms not included
3. Collaborator: Unindicted co-conspirator
4. Companion: They'll be at the police station at 3 a.m. with bail money. Again.
5. Connector: This is the friend you and I probably have in common.
6. Energizer
7. Mind opener
8. Navigator: Like a high school guidance counselor, except useful.

Audio- und Videolinks

Audio and video links (engl.)

Music links (engl.)

James Taylor, Carole King, You've got a friend, YouTube film, 4:05 minutes duration, posted 4. February 2008