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Freundschaft

 

 

 

 

 

Wir bedürfen der Freundschaft.
Gib, dass ich diesem schönsten
Geschenk des Lebens gewachsen bin.
Schicke mir jemand, der den Mut hat,
die Wahrheit der Liebe zu sagen.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944)
französischer Schriftsteller, Flieger

 


 

Vier Intensitätsgrade von Freundschaft

(↓)

Beispiel einer wahren Liebe/aktive Freundschaft – volle Verantwortung verbunden mit totaler Abhängigkeit

Ich bin erstens voll verantwortlich für alles,
zweitens bin ich dennoch ganz abhängig vom anderen. [...]
Beide Einsichten zusammen möchte man am liebsten abtun: als Widerspruch in sich. Unerträglich scheint vielen die Gleichzeitigkeit von ungeschmälerter Verantwortlichkeit, auch für Handlungen, die ihre Partner gegen sie richten, und gänzlicher Abhängigkeit selbst da, wo sie sich privatissime fühlen: in ihren Träumen, ihren Gedanken, ihren Entscheidungen. [...] Das bedeutet, Unbewusstes bewusst werden zu lassen, genauer: das Verflochtensein durch unser unbewusstes Handeln anzunehmen.
Michael Lukas Moeller (1937-2002) deutscher Psychoanalytiker, Hochschullehrer, Paartherapeut, "Die Wahrheit beginnt zu zweit. Das Paar im Gespräch", S. 178/179, rororo, 1988

 

Niemand wollte ohne Freunde sein, selbst wenn er andere Güter besäße. Aristoteles (384-322 v. Chr.) altgriechischer Philosoph, Arzt, Wissenschaftler, Frauenhasser, Nikomachische Ethik, VIII 3, 1837

 

Stufe 1:
Unbewusster Himmel[✰]
PFLICHT ♦ Leichter breiter Weg
Unbewusster Ansatz
Stufe 2:
Unbewusste Hölle
Freund-
schaft
Liebe
WahrheitBeschreibungBeziehungAnteile
Tempo
FürwortOrientierungGeburts-
trauma
Urmuster
1.Weiß Nette Wahrheit Verliebtheit, oberflächlich, vorübergehend,
milder Betrug
Schäumender
Cidre
Lose Freunde
Bekanntschaften
Komplizen
Sehr viele

Sehr schnell
ICHPrivatGebärmutter Unbewusstes Paradies
2.Rot Enga-
gierte Wahrheit
Leidenschaftlich, herzlich, impulsiv, getriebenEngagiert verbundene FreundeViele

Schnell
DU+ICHPersönliche
zurückgezogene
Beziehungen,
exklusiv
Ausstoßung
Geburtswehen
Vermehrtes Vertrauens-
hormon Oxytozin
Verlorenes Paradies
Stufe 3:
Bewusste Hölle[✰]
KÜR ♦ Mühsamer schmaler Steg
Bewusstwerdungs-Ansatz
Stufe 4:
Bewusster Himmel
Freund-
schaft
Liebe
WahrheitBeschreibungBeziehungAnteile
Tempo
FürwortOrientierungGeburts-
trauma
Urmuster
3.Schwarz Hässliche WahrheitStark, tief verbunden, forschend, hinterfragend, fordernd, bezichtigend, belohnend
Schattenarbeit, Freisetzung kollektiv blockierter Kräfte
Reifer Wein
Wahre Freunde
Gegenseitig gefördertes Wachstum
Wenige

Langsam
WIR+
DU+ICH
Öffentlich, gruppenorientiert
inklusiv
Höllenerfahrung
Geburtskanal
Kampf ums nackte Leben
Turbulenz
Karma
4. Trans-
parent
Verwan-
delnde Wahrheit
Lebensumstellend, neugeboren, umfänglich, zeitlos Sehr wenige

Sehr langsam
ALLE+
WIR+
DU+ICH
Allumfassend, einbezüglich Nabelschnur durchtrennt Odemzufuhr, Erster Atemzug,
Neue Erde (Gebärmutter), neuer Himmel

 


Drei Arten von gewöhnlich praktizierter Freundschaft – Aristoteles
Art der FreundschaftHintergrundBeispielKonstellationDauer
1.Vergnügliche FreundschaftAus einem bestimmten GrundZwei Menschen entdecken, dass sie gemeinsame Interessen in einem Tätigkeitsfeld haben, denen sie zusammen nachgehen können.Zwei Tennisspieler können sich am gemeinsamen Tennisspiel erfreuen.Solange das Vergnügen anhält
2.Nützliche FreundschaftFür eine gewisse Zeit Zwei Menschen können profitieren, indem sie koordiniert agieren.Einer unterrichtet den anderen, gegen Bezahlung Tennis zu spielen. Einer profitiert durch das Gerlernte, der andere finanziell.Solange der gegenseitige Nutzen sichergestellt ist
3.Wohlwollende FreundschaftEin Leben lang Zwei Menschen gehen gemeinsamen Aktivitäten nach, einfach, um dem allgemeinen Wohl des anderen zu dienen. In diesem Fall geht es weder um Vergnügen noch um Nützlichkeit, sondern um das Wohlergehen.1 Zwei herzkranke Menschen könnten miteinander Tennis spielen, um durch die körperliche Übung die Gesundheit beider zu stärken. Das Wohlergehen ist zu keiner Zeit vollständig erfüllt.Principally lasting for a lifetime
4.Asymmetrische FreundschaftSchwankend Ein Partner bemüht sich um einen bestimmten Vorteil, während der andere einen andren Nutzen anstrebt. Naturgemäß instabil, vorprogrammiert auf Enttäuschung
Quelle: ► Aristoteles (384-322 v. Chr.) altgriechischer Philosoph, Arzt, Wissenschaftler, Frauenhasser, Nikomachische Ethik, VIII 3, 1837

Von der Freundschaft

                  Von der Freundschaft                  

[Dein Freund ist die Antwort auf deine Nöte.
Er ist das Feld, das du mit Liebe bestellst
und mit Dankbarkeit erntest.
Und er ist dein Tisch und dein Herd.
Denn du kommst zu ihm mit deinem Hunger,
und du suchst deinen Frieden bei ihm.
Wenn dein Freund frei heraus spricht,
fürchtest du weder das "Nein" in deinen Gedanken,
noch hältst du mit dem "Ja" zurück.
Und wenn er schweigt, hört dein Herz nicht auf,
dem seinen zu lauschen;
Denn in der Freundschaft werden alle Gedanken,
alle Wünsche, alle Erwartungen ohne Worte
geboren und geteilt, mit Freude,
die keinen Beifall braucht.

Die Freundschaft soll kein anderen Zweck haben,
als den Geist zu vertiefen.
Gewähre deinem Freund dein Bestes.
Wenn er die Ebbe deiner Gezeiten kennen muss,
lass' ihn auch das Hochwasser kennen.
Denn was ist ein Freund, wenn du ihn nur aufsuchst,
um die Stunden todzuschlagen?
Suche ihn auf, um die Stunden mit ihm zu erleben.
Denn er ist da, deine Bedürfnisse zu befriedigen
nicht jedoch, um deine Leere auszufüllen.
Und in der Süße der Freundschaft lass Lachen
und geteilte Freude sein.
Denn im Tau kleiner Dinge
findet das Herz seinen Morgen und wird erfrischt.

Quelle: ► Khalil Gibran (1883-1931) libanesisch-amerikanischer Maler, Philosoph, Dichter, Autor,
Der Prophet, 1933, S. 89f. Walter Verlag, Zürich, Düsseldorf, 1998,
Deutscher Taschenbuch Verlag (dtv), 1. Oktober 2003

Wann endet die Nacht?

            Berühmte chassidische Erzählung            

 

Ein weiser Rabbi fragte seine Schüler:

Wie bestimmt man die Stunde, in der die Nacht endet und der Tag beginnt?

Einer meinte:

Ich denke, es ist der Augenblick, sobald man einen Stock von einem Stein vor den eigenen Füßen unterscheiden kann.
Nein,

erwiderte der Meister.
Ein anderer meinte:

Es ist der Augenblick, wenn man einen Feigenbaum von einem Pfirsichbaum in der Ferne unterscheiden kann.
Nein,

antwortete der Rabbi.
Ein weiterer meinte:

Wenn man ein Pferd von einer Kuh in der Ferne unterscheiden kann.
Nein,

erwiderte der Rabbi.

Wann ist es dann? Sag‘ uns die Antwort,

baten die Schüler ihn.
Der Rabbi sagte:

Es ist der Augenblick,
wenn ihr in das Gesicht eines Mannes oder einer Frau seht und darin erkennt,
dass er euer Bruder ist, dass sie eure Schwester ist.

Solange euch das nicht gelingen mag, ist es unerheblich, wo die Sonne gerade steht,
denn die Nacht dauert an.

Zitate zum Thema Freundschaft / Friendship

Zitate – kurz gefasst und allgemein

Persönliche Bekenntnisse

  • Ich habe damit begonnen, mir selbst ein Freund zu sein. Damit ist schon viel gewonnen, man kann dann nicht mehr einsam sein. Wisse auch, dass ein solcher Mensch, allen ein rechter Freund sein wird. Lucius Annaeus Seneca (etwa 1-65 n. Chr.) römischer stoischer Philosoph, Dramatiker, Naturforscher, Staatsmann, Aphorismus

 


Kinderfreundschaft
  • Ich möchte Freundschaften nicht wie Mimosen behandeln, sondern mit strikter Courage. Wenn sie was taugen, sind sie weder zerbrechlich wie Glas noch wie Eisblumen, sondern das Solideste, was sich denken lässt. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US-amerikanischer Philosoph, Unitarier, Redner, Dichter, Essayist, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Ich mag Menschen. Einige meiner besten Freunde sind selber welche. Jan Distelmeyer (*1969) deutscher Germanistiker, Philosoph, Filmwissenschaftler und -kritiker, Quelle unbekannt

 

Empfehlungen

  • Tadle deinen Freund unter vier Augen und lobe ihn vor allen! Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519) italienischer Maler, Universalgelehrter, Genie, Erfinder, Bildhauer, Architekt, Anatom, Geologe, Botaniker, Künstler, Ingenieur, Naturphilosoph, Schriftsteller, Manuskripte Leonardo da Vincis, XIX "Philosophische Maxime. Moral. Polemik und Spekulationen", frühes 16. Jht.

 

  • Mache nicht schnell jemand deinen Freund,
    ist ers aber einmal, so muss ers gegen den dritten Mann mit allen seinen Fehlern sein.
    Matthias Claudius (1740-1815) deutscher Journalist, Dichter, volksliedhafter Lyriker, Der Wandsbecker Bote, Kapitel 150, Insel Verlag, 1990

 

Aufrufe

  • Wir brauchen mehr wohlwollende Freunde und weniger Seelenexperten. Jeffrey Masson, Ph.D. (*1941) US-amerikanischer-neuseeländischer Psychoanalytiker, Autor, Kritiker der theoretischen Konzepten Sigmund Freuds, Gegen Therapie, S. XV, Atheneum, 1988

 

Einsichten

  • Es gibt wenig aufrichtige Freunde. Die Nachfrage ist auch gering. Marie Freifrau von Ebner-Eschenbach (1830-1916) österreichische Aphoristikerin, Erzählerin, Novelistin, Schriftstellerin, Gesammelte Schriften, Band 1: Aphorismen, Parabeln, Märchen und Gedichte, S. 76, Gebrüder Paetel Verlag, Berlin, 1893
  • Ein Freund ist ein Mensch, vor dem man laut denken kann. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US-amerikanischer Philosoph, Unitarier, Redner, Dichter, Essayist

 

  • Bevor man anfängt, seine Feinde zu lieben, sollte man seine Freunde besser behandeln. Mark Twain [Samuel Langhorne Clemens] (1835-1910) US-amerikanischer Humorist, Freimaurer, Schriftsteller, Aphorismus

 

  • Schließlich stellt die Liebe die einzige Kraft dar, die Feinde in Freunde verwandeln kann. Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968) US-amerikanischer Baptistenpastor, Aktivist, afro-amerikanischer Bürgerrechtler

 

  • In der Gegenwart eines echten spirituellen Freundes fühlst du dich gleichwertig und erfährst die wahre Ebenbürtigkeit der Seele. Es ist das unschätzbare Geschenk eines Menschen, der im Zustand der Demut weilt. Es ist, als ob eine Rose aufblüht und ihren Duft verströmt. Interview mit Andrew Harvey andrewharvey.net (*1952) indisch-britischer Religionswissenschaftler, Rumi-Übersetzer, Visionär, Lehrer der mystischen Traditionen, Erfinder des Geweihten Aktivismus, Dichter, Autor, Teachers and Seekers: An Interview with Andrew Harvey, präsentiert von der US-amerikanischen Mediengesellschaft Yoga Journal, Catherine Ingram, Ausgabe 123, S. 60, Juli/August 1995

 

  • Die Menschen haben keine Zeit mehr, irgend etwas kennenzulernen. Sie kaufen sich alles fertig in Geschäften. Aber da es keine Kaufläden für Freunde gibt, haben die Leute keine Freunde mehr. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) französischer Pilot, Schriftsteller, Der kleine Prinz, 1943

 

  • Freundschaft heißt nicht zusammenhängen und zusammensitzen, Freundschaft ist groß und frei und liegt im Gedanken, für den jeder Raum gleich nah ist. Clemens von Brentano (1778-1842) deutscher Schriftsteller

 


Freundschaft, Liebe und Wahrheit, Lithographie
  • Freundschaft ist die Ehe der Seelen. Voltaire [François-Marie Arouet] (1694-1778) französischer Philosoph der europäischen Aufklärung, einflussreicher Wegbereiter der Französischen Revolution, Kritiker der Feudalherrschaft, Bürgerrechtler, Deist, Historiker, Philosoph, Schriftsteller

 

  • Wer von seinem Freund nicht Offenheit ertragen will, wird sie einmal ausgedrückt in Worten des Hasses von seinem Feind ertragen müssen. Otto Leixner von Grünberg [Otto von Leixner] (1847-1907) österreichisch-deutscher Schriftsteller, Literaturkritiker, Journalist, Historiker

 

  • Zwei Freunde müssen sich im Herzen ähneln, in allem anderen können sie grundverschieden sein. Sully Prudhomme (1839-1907) französischer Dichter, Schriftsteller, erster Nobelpreisträger für Literatur

 

  • Bei der Freundschaft fängt's erst an, interessant zu werden. Sich paaren können auch Hunde. Hildegard Knef (1925-2002) deutsche Schauspielerin, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Der wahre Freund weist uns auf unsere Fehler hin, der falsche weist die anderen darauf hin.   (1863-1944) niederländischer Philosoph, Verleger

 

  • So selten wahre Liebe ist, wahre Freundschaft ist noch viel seltener. François de La Rochefoucauld (1613-1680) zeitweise politisch aktiver französischer Adeliger und Militär, Moralist, Schriftsteller

 

  • Die Freundschaft ist eine Kunst der Distanz, so wie die Liebe eine Kunst der Nähe ist. Sigmund Graff (1898-1979) deutscher Schriftsteller, Dramatiker

 

  • Zur rechten Zeit muss man mit seinen Feinden Frieden schließen und mit seinen Freunden kämpfen: Der Kluge richtet sich nach den Umständen und wartet ruhig seine Zeit ab. Hinduistische Lebensweisheit

 

  • Bewirte deinen Freund zwei Tage lang, am dritten Tag drücke ihm eine Hacke in die Hand. Afrikanisches Sprichwort

 

  • Geh eine Meile, um einen Kranken zu besuchen, zwei, um Frieden zu stiften und drei, um einen Freund zu sehen. Arabisches Sprichwort

 

  • Freunde finden, ist leicht, sie behalten schwer. Russisches Sprichwort

 

  • Die zuverlässigsten Freunde sind die Feinde deiner Feinde. Arabisches Sprichwort

 

  • Freundschaft ist Liebe mit Verstand. Deutsches Sprichwort

 

  • Die Freundschaft, die von Lüge lebt, stirbt an der ersten Wahrheit. Unbekannt

 

  • Ein aufrichtiger Freund ist ein Freund, der dir hässliche Dinge ins Gesicht sagt, statt hinter deinem Rücken. Unbekannt

 

  • Fremde sind Freunde, die man nur noch nicht kennengelernt hat. Unbekannt

 

  • Freundschaft liegt nicht im Trend und folgt keiner Mode. Du bekommst keine Garantie, weder Zinsen noch Rendite. Trotzdem ist sie die beste Investition deines Lebens. Unbekannt

 

  • Nicht mangelnde Liebe, sondern mangelnde Freundschaft führt zu unglücklichen Ehen. Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche (1844-1900) deutscher klassischer Gelehrter, Kulturkritiker, Philosoph des Nihilismus

Zitate – ausführlich und allgemein

Die Schläge des Liebhabers [Freundes] meinen's recht gut;
aber die Küsse des Hassers sind gar zu reichlich.
Sprüche 27, 6, siehe auch Psalm 141, 5 (AT)

 

Dann sagte Jesus zu den Jüngern: «Stellt euch vor, einer von euch hat einen Freund. Mitten in der Nacht geht er zu ihm, klopft an die Tür und bittet ihn: 'Leihe mir doch bitte drei Brote. Ich habe unerwartet Besuch bekommen und nichts im Haus, was ich ihm anbieten könnte.'
Vielleicht würde der Freund dann antworten: 'Stör mich nicht! Ich habe die Tür schon abgeschlossen und liege im Bett. Außerdem könnten die Kinder von dem Lärm wach werden. Ich kann jetzt nicht aufstehen und dir etwas geben.'
Das sage ich euch: Wenn er schon nicht aufstehen und dem Mann etwas geben will, weil er sein Freund ist, so wird er schließlich doch aus seinem Bett steigen und ihm alles Nötige geben, weil der andere ihm einfach keine Ruhe lässt.
Darum sage ich euch: Bittet Gott, und er wird euch geben. Sucht, und ihr werdet finden. Klopft an, dann wird euch die Tür geöffnet. Denn wer bittet, der wird bekommen. Wer sucht, der findet. Und wer anklopft, dem wird geöffnet.
Lukas 11, 5-10 (NT)
  • Eurer Freund ist die Antwort auf eure Nöte. Er ist das Feld, das ihr mit Liebe besät und mit Dankbarkeit erntet. Und er ist euer Tisch und euer Herd. Denn ihr kommt zu ihm mit eurem Hunger, und ihr sucht euren Frieden bei ihm. Wenn euer Freund frei heraus spricht, fürchtet ihr weder das "Nein" in euren Gedanken, noch haltet ihr mit dem "Ja" zurück. Und wenn er schweigt, hört euer Herz nicht auf, dem seinen zu lauschen, denn in der Freundschaft werden alle Gedanken, alle Wünsche, alle Erwartungen ohne Worte geboren und geteilt, mit Freude, die keinen Beifall braucht. Khalil Gibran (1883-1931) libanesisch-US-amerikanischer Maler, Philosoph, Dichter, Von der Freundschaft

 

  • Freunde für den Augenblick: sind Menschen, die unser Leben streifen. Man ist nicht für alle Zeiten zusammen, sondern immer nur für eine gewisse Zeit. Man muss immer wieder selbst den Anstoss geben. Wenn der Kontakt verloren geht, verliert man die Freundschaft.
    [Augenblickliche Freundschaften] entstehen ad hoc, aus einem bestimmten oder begrenzten Grund, sind flacher und haben auch Vorteile, bieten Qualität und Abwechslung. Bonnie Kreps (*1937) dänisch-amerikanische Regisseurin, feministische Autorin, Abschied vom Märchenprinzen. Eine Abrechnung mit der romantischen Liebe, S. 203-204, 1992, Fischer Taschenbuch, 1994

 


East Asian friends
  • Das Potential für tiefe Übereinstimmung und Nähe zwischen zwei Menschen ist entweder vorhanden oder nicht, und der Prozess des Übergangs zur Freundschaft und Nähe ist gleichzeitig der Prozess, das herauszufinden. Freundschaft und Liebe werden entdeckt, offenbart, erlebt – durch Zeit, Aufmerksamkeit, Bemühen und Anteilnahme der beteiligten Personen. Bonnie Kreps (*1937) dänisch-amerikanische Regisseurin, feministische Autorin, Abschied vom Märchenprinzen. Eine Abrechnung mit der romantischen Liebe, S. 204, Wolfgang Krüger Verlag, 1992, Fischer Taschenbuch, 1994

 

  • Wir neigen dazu, solche Konfrontationen zu vermeiden, denn es ist sehr schwer, sich dabei richtig zu verhalten. Wir reden uns sogar ein, wir wären rücksichtsvoll oder wenigstens höflich, wenn wir sie vermeiden. Das ist falsch. Denn das ist keine Rücksichtnahme, sondern fehlende Anteilnahme. Freundschaft hat auch den möglichen Vorteil, diese schwierige Liebesarbeit unter weniger belastenden Bedingungen zu erlernen, als es in einer Liebesbeziehung oder Ehe möglich wäre. Bonnie Kreps (*1937) dänisch-amerikanische Regisseurin, feministische Autorin, Abschied vom Märchenprinzen. Eine Abrechnung mit der romantischen Liebe, S. 208, Wolfgang Krüger Verlag, 1992; Fischer Taschenbuch, 1994

 

  • Freunde fürs Leben: sind anders. Man muss nicht immer den Anstoß geben, um sicher zu sein, dass die Freundschaft noch existiert. Sie sind wie Familie, sie sind einfach nur da. Es sind langlebige und anhaltende Freundschaften mit absolutem Vertrauen; die Beziehung besteht auf völliger Gegenseitigkeit, und man muss nicht die ganze Zeit zusammen sein. Lilian B. Rubin, Ph.D., US-amerikanische Autorin, Künstlerin, Just Friends. The Role of Friendship in Our Lives, S. 106, New York 1985

Literaturzitate

  • Die großen Leute haben eine Vorliebe für Zahlen. Wenn ihr ihnen von einem neuen Freund erzählt, befragen sie euch nie über das Wesentliche. Sie fragen euch nie:
    • Wie ist der Klang seiner Stimme?
    • Welche Spiele liebt er am meisten?
    • Sammelt er Schmetterlinge?
Sie fragen euch.
  • Wie alt ist er?
  • Wieviel Brüder hat er?
  • Wieviel wiegt er?
  • Wieviel verdient sein Vater?
Dann erst glauben sie ihn zu kennen. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1900-1944) französischer Pilot, Schriftsteller, Der kleine Prinz (1943), Karl Rauch Verlag, 59. Auflage, Düsseldorf, 1950 und 1998

Zitate zum Thema Nicht-Freundschaft

  • Das ist also keine wahre Freundschaft, dass, wenn der eine die Wahrheit nicht hören will, der andere zum Lügen bereit ist. Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 v. Chr.) römischer Politiker, Konsul, 63 v. Chr., Anwalt, Philosoph, berühmter Redner, Schriftsteller, Laelius de Amicitia, Über die Freundschaft, 26., Herbst 44 v. Chr.

 


Echte Johanniskrautblüte, Ohleberg in Buseck, 25. Juni 2005
  • Jedermanns Freund ist jedermanns Depp. Franz Josef Strauß (1915-1988) deutsch-bayrischer Politiker, CSU-Vorsitzender, bayerischer Ministerpräsident

 

  • Irgendwo fängt in jedem Menschenleben jene Verlassenheit an, in der uns nichts erreicht, kein Wort, kein Trost, kein Freund. In dieses grenzenlose Alleinsein geht nur einer mit, und das ist Gott. Aenne Perl, deutsche Aphoristikerin

 

  • Nur Feinde sagen die Wahrheit. Freunde und geliebte Menschen sind gefangen im Netz der Verpflichtungen und lügen unaufhörlich. Stephen King (*1947) US-amerikanischer Romanschriftsteller für Science fiction und Horror-Literatur, Quelle unbekannt

 

  • Zwischen dem, der befiehlt und dem, der gehorcht, kann es keine Form der Freundschaft geben. Michael Bakunin (1814-1876) russischer Revolutionär, einflussreicher Theoretiker des Kollektivistischen Anarchismus, Aktivist und Organisator der anarchistischen Bewegung

Zitate von Freunden an Freunde

  • Rudi, ich warte auf ein Wort von Dir. Ich strecke dir meine Hand entgegen und fühle, wie du meine Hand drückst. Bitte vergiss mich nicht, Rudi. Ich bin sehr arm geworden, sehr arm. Ich brauche dich. Versprich mir, Geduld mit mir zu haben.
    Viktor E. Frankl (1905-1997) österreichischer Psychiater, Psychotherapeut, Neurologe, KZ-Überlebender, Sinnforscher, Begründer der Logotherapie, exzerpiert aus einem Brief von Wien an seinen Freund Rudolf Stenger, während einer Depression von Mitte August 1945 bis Mitte April 1946, 30. Oktober 1945

General quotes

Faithful are the wounds of a friend; but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful. Proverbs 27, 6 (OT)

 

Admirable friendship, admirable companionship, admirable camaraderie is actually the whole of the holy life. When a monk has admirable people as friends, companions, and comrades, he can be expected to develop and pursue the noble eightfold path. Upaddha Sutta: Half (of the Holy Life), translated from the Pali by Thanissaro Bhikkhu, © 1997

 

And he said to them, 'Suppose one of you has a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say to him, "Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; for a friend of mine has arrived, and I have nothing to set before him." And he answers from within, "Do not bother me; the door has already been locked, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot get up and give you anything." I tell you, even though he will not get up and give him anything because he is his friend, at least because of his persistence he will get up and give him whatever he needs.
'So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given to you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.
Luke 11, 5-10 (NT)

 

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15, 13 (NT)

 

Personal avowals

  • Sometimes I forget completely what companionship is. Unconscious and insane, I spill sad energy everywhere. My story gets told in various ways: a romance, a dirty joke, a war, a vacancy.
    Divide up my forgetfulness to any number, it will go around. These dark suggestions that I follow, are they part of some plan? Friends, be careful. Don't come near me out of curiousity, or sympathy. Jalal ad-Din Muḥammad Rumi (1207-1273) Persian Muslim Sufi mystic, theologian jurist, poet

 

  • I love my friends neither with my heart nor with my mind. Just in case heart might stop, mind can forget, I love them with my Soul. Soul never stops or forgets. Jalal ad-Din Muḥammad Rumi (1207-1273) Persian Muslim Sufi mystic, theologian jurist, poet

 

Plea

 

Recommendations

  • Reprove your friend in secret and praise him openly. Leonardo Da Vinci (1452-1519) Italian polymath: painter, sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, cartographer, botanist, writer, Jean Paul Richter, translator, The Notebooks of Leonardo Da Vinci, XIX "Philosophical Maxims. Morals. Polemics and Speculations", 1888

 

  • Be civil to all; sociable to many; familiar with few; friend to one; enemy to none. Benjamin Franklin ['The First American', US 'Founding Father'] (1706-1705) US American statesman, political theorist, occultist, polymath, diplomat, civic activist, author, aphorism

 


Friends, oil on canvas by Jerry Weiss, 2003
  • Never cease loving a person, and never give up hope for him, for even the prodigal son who had fallen most low, could still be saved; the bitterest enemy and also he who was your friend could again be your friend; love that has grown cold can kindle. Søren Kierkegaard (1813-1855) Danish existentialist philosopher, theologian, writer, source unknown

 

  • But please remember, especially in these times of group-think and the right-on chorus, that no person is your friend (or kin) who demands your silence, or denies your right to grow and be perceived as fully blossomed as you were intended. Alice Walker (*1944) US-American feminist, political activist, poet, author, recipient of the Pulitzer Prize and the National Book Award, In Search of Our Mothers' Gardens. Womanist Prose, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1983

 

  • Having spiritual friends is not a superficial comfort. It helps free us from a trance of separation so deep that we are often not aware of it. Conscious relationships shine a direct light both on our layered feelings of unworthiness and loneliness, and on the truth of our belonging. We begin to respond more compassionately and actively to the suffering of the world. Our real community, we discover, includes all beings. As we relax and trust this belonging to the web of life, we recognize the one awareness that shines through each being. Tara Brach, Ph.D., US American psychologist, political scientist, author, True Refuge. Finding Peace and Freedom in Your Own Awakened Heart, Bantam House, 22. January 2013, Facebook entry, 24. February 2013
  • A good friend who points out mistakes and imperfections and rebukes evil is to be respected as if he reveals a secret of hidden treasure. Buddha (563-483 BC) Indian Avatar, teacher of enlightenment, central figure of Buddhism

 

  • An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast; a wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind. Buddha (563-483 BC) Indian Avatar, teacher of enlightenment, central figure of Buddhism

 

 

  • Have no friends not equal to yourself. Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese sage, social philosopher, sponsor of Confucianism, the Chinese state religion

 

  • There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than a true friend. Saint Thomas Aquinas [Doctor Universalis] (1225-1274) Italian Catholic saint, Dominican priest, highly influential philosopher, theologian in the tradition of scholasticism

 

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Successful conflict resolution

Turning enemies into friends

  • A war is not won if the defeated enemy has not been turned into a friend. Eric Hoffer (1902-1983) US American social writer, philosopher

 

  • Genuine friendship emerges on the basis of trust. [...] In order to develop trust you must first extend (open) your heart. Be open, transferring, honest, truthful, treat others and animals kindly and warm-heartedly, then trust will come. H.H. 14th Dalai Lama Tenzin Gyatso (*1935) Tibetan monk, leader of the Gelug or "Yellow Hat" branch of Tibetan Buddhism, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, 1989, The Quest for Happiness in Challenging Times, RealPlayer Video, sponsored by University of Miami, Miami, Florida, minute 20:00, 98:48 minutes duration, aired 26. October 2010

 

 

  • The day you formally ask for help is the first step on a journey of lifelong exploration. Rosalyn L. Bruyere (*1946) US American spiritual teacher, white medicine woman, energy healer, aura reader, Easter sermon, Audio EASTER, minute 40:33, 24. April 2011

 

  • What is a friend? It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies. Aristotle (384-322 BC) Greek philosopher, physician, scientist, misogynist

 

  • The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship. Francis Bacon (1561-1626) English philosopher, statesman, scientist, lawyer, jurist, author, pioneer of the scientific method

 

 

  • A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud. I am arrived at last in the presence of a man so real and equal, that I may drop even those undermost garments of dissimulation, courtesy, and second thought, which men never put off, and may deal with him with the simplicity and wholeness with which one chemical atom meets another. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US American philosopher, Unitarian, lecturer, poet, essayist, Essays. First Series, "Friendship", 1841

 

  • The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, nor the kindly smile, nor the joy of companionship;
    it's the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone else believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friend. Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803-1882) US American philosopher, Unitarian, lecturer, poet, essayist, poem On Friendship, undated, possibly 1841

 

  • One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives. Euripedes (480/485/484-406 BC) Ancient Greek philosopher, writer, source unknown

 

  • Real friendship is shown in times of trouble; prosperity is full of friends. Euripedes (480/485/484-406 BC) Ancient Greek philosopher, writer, source unknown

 

  • Friendship is always an act of recognition. In the moment of friendship, two souls suddenly recognize each other. […] [A] flash of recognition and the embers of kinship glow […] a sense of ancient knowing. You come home to each other at last. […] A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. John O'Donohue johnodonohue.com (1956-2008) Irish priest, Hegelian philosopher, storyteller, poet, author, Anam Cara. A Book of Celtic Wisdom, Harper Collins, 21. October 1998

 

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Note

Suppose you have "fallen in love with" and married your friend and now you are offered the choice of two futures:

  • Either you two will cease to be lovers but remain forever joint seekers of the same God, the same beauty, the same truth, or else, losing all that, you will retain as long as you live the raptures and ardors, all the wonder and the wild desire of Eros. Choose which you please. C. S. Lewis (1898-1963) Irish British novelist, literary scholar

 

  • Lovers are normally face to face, absorbed in each other;
    Friends, side by side, absorbed in some common interest.
    C. S. Lewis (1898-1963) Irish British novelist, literary scholar

 

  • Having a lover and friends who look at you as a true living breathing entity, one that is human but made of very fine and moist and magical things as well [...] a lover and friends who support the criatura [creature] in you [...] these are the people you are looking for. They will be the friends of your soul for life. Mindful choosing of friends and lovers, not to mention teachers, is critical to remaining conscious, remaining intuitive, remaining in charge of the fiery light that sees and knows. Clarissa Pinkola Estés (*1945) US American Jungian psychoanalyst, post-trauma specialist, poet, writer, Women Who Run With the Wolves. Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, Ballantine Books, 1st edition November 1992, updated, with new material 1996

 

  • We need to share with those who have earned the right to hear it and people who are invested in the friendship. Social media has given us this idea that we should all have a posse of friends when in reality, if we have one or two really good friends, we are lucky. Sharing and hearing intimate stories is also not most people's "default setting," since we tend to self-protect from hurtful things. If someone drops a shame bomb on me, I am likely to give a non-compassionate response if my own resources feel scarce. Blog article on Brené Brown, Ph.D., LMSW brenebrown.com, US American shame, vulnerability, empathy researcher, lecturer, Graduate College of Social Work, University of Houston, lecturer, author, Author Brené Brown Discusses Embracing Our Ordinariness, presented by US American liberal-oriented online newspaper The Huffington Post, Martha Rosenberg, 21. February 2011

 

  • But my friendship sitteth not on a weather vane. Eric Rücker Eddison [E. R. Eddison] (1882-1945) English civil servant, author, source unknown

 

  • A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart, and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words. Bernard Meltzer (1916-1998) US American radio host for several decades, source unknown

 

  • True happiness [...] arises, in the first place, from the enjoyment of one's self, and in the next from the friendship and conversation of a few select companions. Joseph Addison (1672-1719) English politician, playwright, poet, essayist

 

  • Chance makes our parents, but choice makes our friends. Jacques Delille (1738-1813) French poet, translator

 

  • Men kick friendship around like a football, but it doesn't seem to crack.
    Women treat it like glass and it goes to pieces. Anne Morrow Lindbergh (1906-2001) pioneering US American aviator, author, spouse of fellow aviator Charles Lindbergh

 

  • True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable. David Tyson Gentry, US American aphorist

 

  • Friendship depends on making time to deepen the relationship. Spending time together doing simple things keeps friendships fresh and alive. Spending time together allows the good and bad to be discussed. marriage.about.com

 

  • It is exactly your true friend who shows you where you fail. Dutch proverb

 

  • Who seeks a faultless friend remains friendless. Turkish proverb

Literature and musical quotes

  • 'Why did you do all this for me?' he asked. 'I don't deserve it. I've never done anything for you.'
    'You have been a friend,' replied Charlotte. 'That in itself is a tremendous thing.' E. B. White (1899-1985) US American contributor to The New Yorker magazine, writer, Charlotte's Web, children's novel, Harper & Brothers, 1952

 

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Audio sample:

With A Little Help From My Friends...

Quotes on enemies⇔friends / Feinde⇔Freunde

  • To forgive is not to forget. The merit lies in loving in spite of the vivid knowledge that the one that must be loved is not a friend. There is no merit in loving an enemy when you forget him for a friend. Mohandas Karamchand Mahatma Gandhi (1869-1948) Indian sage, spiritual activist leader, humanitarian, lawyer, nonviolent freedom fighter

 

  • Have no friends not equal to yourself. Confucius (551-479 BC) Chinese sage, social philosopher, sponsor of Confucianism, the Chinese state religion

 

  • There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than a true friend. Saint Thomas Aquinas [Doctor Universalis] (1225-1274) Italian Catholic saint, Dominican priest, highly influential philosopher, theologian in the tradition of scholasticism

 

  • I destroy my enemies when I make them my friends. Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) assassinated 16th US President (1861-1865), abolisher of slavery

 

  • We are not enemies, but friends […]. Though passion may have strained, it must not break our bonds of affection. Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865) assassinated 16th US President (1861-1865), abolisher of slavery, Inaugural Address, 1861

 

  • That, however, is no friendship, in which one of the (so-called) friends does not want to hear the truth, and the other is ready to lie. Marcus Tullius Cicero (106-43 BC) Roman statesman, political theorist, consul, lawyer, constitutionalist, philosopher, orator, author, Laelius de Amicitia On Friendship, 26. Flattery availing only with the feeble-minded, 44 BC

 

  • In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends. Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968) US American Baptist minister, activist, leader of the African American civil rights movement

 

  • Friendship marks a life even more deeply than love. Love risks degenerating into obsession, friendship is never anything but sharing. It is a friend that you communicate the awakening of a desire, the birth of a vision or a terror, the anguish of seeing the sun disappear or of finding that order and justice are no more. Elie Wiesel (1928-2016) German-French Jewish professor, political activist, Nazi concentration camp survivor, writer, Nobel Peace Prize laureate, 1986, Nobel Peace Prize lecture Hope, Despair, and Memory, Oslo, Norway, 10. December 1986, The Gates of the Forest. A Novel, Schocken, paperback, 16. May 1995

 

  • To vanquish your enemies, make friends with them. Chinese proverb

 

  • You learn in this business: If you want a friend, get a dog. Carl Icahn (*1936) US American billionaire financier, corporate raider, private equity investor, 46th richest man in the world, net worth US$ 14 billion (status 2008)

Englische Texte – English section on Friendship

Four types of friendships

Four kinds of friends in support of thrivingness
༺༻Type of friendDescriptionQuality
1.ProphetAsking important questions, proddinglyWhat is guiding you?Challenging, difficult
2.CheerleaderEndlessly supportive, sympathetic, not empathicGenerous, spoiling
3.Harrasser or teaserDiffusing the friend's excess seriousness, selfimportanceChallenging, edgy
4.Soul friend
Anam cara [*]
Spiritual supporter
Trusting companion who sees and calls on the friend's potential in a nonembarrassing straight-gentle wayUplifting, loving
Source: ► Audio interview with Robert Wicks, Ph.D. robertjwicks.com US American professor of clinical psychology, Loyola University Maryland, speaker, writer on the intersection of spirituality and psychology, Ensuring Your Well-Being, presented by the US American
web radio station New Dimensions, host Michael Toms, minute 3:44, 55:44 minutes duration, recorded 3. November 2011
Reference: en.Wikipedia entry Zai sheng yuan (Renewed spiritual bond between two reincarnated individuals)
See also:
Four categories of friendship, love and truth
Fragen – Questions and ► Empathie – Empathy and ► Vertrauen – Trust

 

[*] The term Anam Cara is a Gaelic term for "soul friend". It was originally used in the early Celtic church. A soul friend is a loving companion to whom you can unburden your heart as you move along your spiritual path. They are also someone you can count on to be both caringly supportive and brutally honest if need be.

 

A friend is a loved one who awakens your life in order to free the wild possibilities within you. […]
An
Anam Cara was a person who acted as a teacher, companion, or spiritual guide. Someone to whom you confessed, revealing the hidden intimacies of your life. With the Anam Cara you could share your innermost self, your mind and your heart.
John O'Donahue johnodonohue.com (1956-2008) Irish priest, Hegelian philosopher, storyteller, poet, author, Anam Cara. A Book of Celtic Wisdom, Harper Collins, 21. October 1998

Four categories of friendship, love and truth

Stage 1:
Unconscious heaven[✰]
Obligatory ♦ easy ♦ broad
Unconscious road
Stage 2:
Unconscious hell
Alchemical
density
Truth
Love
DescriptionRelationRatio
Tempo
Pronoun/sLegendBirthing trauma[⚡]Soul pattern[❄]
1.White Nice

EASY
Puppy love, superficial, fleeting, mild betrayal
Bubbly young cider
Loose friends
Acquaintances
Accomplices
Very many

Very fast
MEPrivate
self-oriented
Womb Unconscious paradise
2.Red Engaged

QUICK&DIRTY
Passionate, affectionate, impulsive,
driven, frantic
Committed attached friendsMany

Fast
YOU
& ME
Personal secluded relationships
Exclusive
Expulsion
Labour
Paradise lost
Boost of trust hormone oxytocin

 

Stage 3:
Conscious hell
Voluntary ♦ difficult ♦ narrow
Conscious path
Stage 4:
Conscious heaven
Alchemical
density
Truth
Love
DescriptionRelationRatio
Tempo
Pronoun/sLegendBirthing traumaPrimal pattern
3.Black Awful

RADICAL
DIFFICULT
Intense, deeply connected,
inquiring, challenging, demanding, charging, rewarding
shadow work, releasing
blocked energies shared by the collective
Ripened wine
True friends
Mutual growth
Few

Slow
WE
& YOU
& ME
Public,
group-oriented
Birth canal
Fight for
dear life
Hell experience
Turbulence
Karma
4.Trans-
parent
Trans-
formative


RECREATIVE
Life transforming,
new born,
all-encompassing,
timeless
Lasting friendshipVery few

Very slow
US ALL
& WE
& YOU
& ME
All encompassing
Inclusive
Umbilical cord severed New earth
(womb),
new heaven

First breath of life
See also:
Summarizing the four levels of relationship
► [✰] Historic cycles – From the love of domination to the power of love – Anodea Judith
         Awakening the heart, the right brain, the spiral, the dynamic Goddess

► [⚡] From conception to birth – Stanislav Grof
► [❄] Various four quadrant typologies – Outlining the Human Design System
Four types of friendships
Unbewusst – Unconscious and ► Wahrheit – Truth and ► Liebe – Love and ► Karma
Transformation and ► Schatten – Shadow work and ► Trauma and ► Consciousness-Tables

 

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The crucial error of the romantic view

[✰][❄] The Romantic view is that the infant starts out in a state of unconscious Heaven. [...] [T]he infant self is actually one with the dynamic Ground of Being – but in an unconscious (or "un-self-conscious") fashion. Thus, unconscious Heaven – blissful, wonderful, mystical, the paradisiacal state out of which it will soon fall, and to which it will always long to return. [...]
[S]ometime in the first few years of life, the self differentiates from the environment, the union with the dynamic Ground is lost, subject and object are separated, and the self moves from unconscious Heaven into conscious Hell – the world of egoic alienation, repression, terror, tragedy.
But, the happy account continues, the self can make a type of U-turn in development, sweep back to the prior infantile, union state, re-unite with the great Ground of Being, only now in a fully conscious and self-actualized way, and thus find conscious Heaven.
Ken Wilber (*1949) US American transpersonal philosopher, consciousness researcher, thought leader of the 3rd millennium, developer of Integral Theory, author, The Eye of Spirit. An Integral Vision for a World Gone Slightly Mad, The Romantic View, S. 95, Shambhala Publications, 1998

 

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Example of true love/friendship in action – accepting full responsibility coupled with full dependency

Firstly, I am fully responsible for everything, secondly, however, I am fully dependent on the other. […] One wants to dismiss both of these insights as contradictory. For many the simultaneousness of full responsibility (also for acts of their partners against them) and full dependency on their (private) dreams, thoughts, decisions seems unbearable. It means to let the unconscious become conscious, to accept that our unconscious actions are entwined. Michael Lukas Moeller, German psychologist, couple therapist, "Die Wahrheit beginnt zu zweit. Das Paar im Gespräch" [Truth begins with two. Couples in dialog], Rowohlt Taschenbuch, S. 178/179, 1988, 26. edition January 1997

 

Three kinds of friendships commonly practiced – Aristotle
Type of friendshipBackdropExampleConditionDuration
1.Friendship for pleasure"For a reason"Two people discover that they have common interests in an activity which they can pursue together.Two tennis players might enjoy playing in matches together.As long as the pleasure continues
2.Friendship grounded on utility"For a season"Two people can benefit by engaging in a coordinated activity.One person teaches the other to play tennis for a fee. One benefits by learning, the other benefits financially.As long as mutual utility is secured
3.Friendship for the good"For a lifetime"Two people engage in common activities solely for the sake of developing the overall goodness of the other. Here, neither pleasure nor utility are relevant, but the good is. 2Two people with heart disease might play tennis with each other for the sake of the exercise that contributes to the overall health of both. The good is never wholly realized.Principally lasting for a lifetime
4.Asymmetric friendshipsUnsteady One party is seeking a certain payoff while the other seeks a different one. Inherently unstable, prone to dissatisfaction
For without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods. Aristotle (384-322 BC) classical Greek
pre-Christian philosopher, physician, scientist, misogynist, Nichomachean Ethics, VIII 3, Greek and Latin edition 1566
Source: ► Aristotle (384-322 BC) classical Greek pre-Christian philosopher, physician, scientist, misogynist,
Nichomachean Ethics, VIII 3, Greek and Latin edition 1566

Four essential stages of a dating relationship

Stages of coming closer in a relationship
StageFocusLegend
1.AttractionSoul, character, heart, mind, voice, bodyFeeling drawn to someone (across the room, a photo) as if something is pushing oneself toward them.
2.Verbal ExplorationBeginning to explore each other verbally (not physically). Having conversations to find out the basics (who, where, what) about each other.
3.Emotional intimacyBeginning to establish a solid emotional bond and building trust by telling each other things you hesitate to share in general.
4.Physical intimacyA sexual relationship is the consummation of the first three stages.
Inspired byRabbi Shmuley Boteach (*1966) US American Orthodox rabbi, marriage counsellor, radio and television host, author,
Dating Secrets of the Ten Commandments, Harmony, 1st edition 16. January 2001

Restoring dysfunctional friendships and love relationships

Healing conditional friendships and love relationships
༺༻Dysfunctional behaviorDescriptionFunctional behaviorDescription
1.ContractsPartners have outspoken or silent agreements about certain behaviors. Expectations do not work. Taboos are psychological time bombs.ResponsibilityTaking responsibility for one's needs, feelings, attitudes and behaviors. The more aware partner takes the lead to start to undo dysfunctional contracts until both partners are able to face them together.
2.WithholdsInformation and emotions are withheld from each other out of fear to hurt the other or to expose one's own vulnerablity.
Resulting in doubt, distance, and uncertainty.
ConfrontationChoosing to genuinely, honestly, not aggressively confront the other about important issues.
3.Hidden AgendasAvoidance to share intentions or plans with the other.
Absence of honesty and genuine dialog. Inequal relationship.
ExplorationActively exploring, sharing, and learning with each other by embarking into adventures and outings.
Better understanding, deeper bonding
4.Power GamesMissing trust will trigger attempts to control the partner.RespectAlways extending kindness, consideration, caring and compassion to each other. Understanding the needs (not wants) of the other. Being willing to meet them.
Respecting and dignifying builds trust.
5.NegativityWithout trust and love a friendship will deteriorate into blaming, judging, avoiding, and patronizingPositivityTeaming up and continually discovering positive solutions together. Refraining from opposing, blaming or demeaning, or competing with the partner.
Inspired by Nisandeh Neta, Making Friendships Work, Inspiration2go.com

 

A successful relationship is one that brings you joy, contentment, a feeling of security. If the relationship is working you feel emotionally safe with the other person. Emotionally safe. What does that mean? It means you can reveal your downside and the other person will help you overcome it. Recontectualize it for them. So one of the greatest gifts we give each other is we recontextualize it back to the other person.   Dr. David R. Hawkins, Sedona Seminar Integration of Spirituality and Personal Life, Poco Diablo Resort, DVD ? of 3, track 6, Poco Diablo Resort, 28. February 2003

Friendship – Ending the night

Famous hassidic tale on darkness and light

 


Sunset behind a tree

A Rabbi asked his students,

How can we determine the hour of dawn, when the night ends and the day begins?

One of his students suggested,

When from a distance you can distinguish between a dog and a sheep?
No,

was the answer from the Rabbi.

Is it when one man can distinguish between a fig tree and a grape vine?

asked a second student.

No,

the Rabbi said.

Please tell us the answer, then,

said the students.

It is, then,

said the wise teacher,

when you can look into the face of a stranger and you have
enough light within you to recognize them as your brothers and sisters.

Up until then it is night, and darkness is still with us.

 

Speak us of friendship

Speak to us of Friendship!

Your friend is your needs answered.
He is your field which you sow with love
and reap with thanksgiving.
And he is your board and your fireside.
For you come to him with your hunger,
and you seek him for peace.
When your friend speaks his mind you fear
not the "nay" in your own mind,
nor do you withhold the "ay".
And when he is silent your heart ceases
not to listen to his heart;
For without words, in friendship, all thoughts,
all desires, all expectations are born and shared,
with joy that is unacclaimed.

When you part from your friend, you grieve not;
For that which you love most
in him may be clearer in his absence,
as the mountain to the climber
is clearer from the plain.
And let there be no purpose in friendship
save the deepening of the spirit.
For love that seeks aught but the disclosure
of its own mystery is not love but a net cast forth:
and only the unprofitable is caught.
And let your best be for your friend
that you should seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need,
but not your emptiness.
And in the sweetness of friendship
let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things
the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

Source: ► Khalil Gibran (1883-1931) Lebanese American painter, philosopher, poet, writer,
The Prophet, Online version, The Prophet, Alfred A. Knopf, 1923

The Fox and the Little Prince

Said the fox:

"Are you looking for chickens?"
"No,"

said the little prince.

"I am looking for friends. What does that mean – 'tame'?"
"It is an act too often neglected,"

said the fox.

"It means to establish ties."
"'To establish ties'?"
"Just that,"

said the fox.

"To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world."
"I am beginning to understand,"

said the little prince.

"There is a flower... I think that she has tamed me..." [...]

The fox gazed at the little prince, for a long time.

"Please – tame me!"

he said.

"I want to, very much,"

the little prince replied.

"But I have not much time. I have friends to discover, and a great many things to understand."
"One only understands the things that one tames,"

said the fox.

"Men have no more time to understand anything. They buy things all ready made at the shops. But there is no shop anywhere where one can buy friendship, and so men have no friends any more. If you want a friend, tame me..."
"What must I do, to tame you?"

asked the little prince.

"You must be very patient,"

replied the fox.

"First you will sit down at a little distance from me – like that – in the grass. I shall look at you out of the corner of my eye, and you will say nothing. Words are the source of misunderstandings.
But you will sit a little closer to me, every day..."

 

The next day the little prince came back.

"It would have been better to come back at the same hour,"

said the fox.

"If, for example, you come at four o'clock in the afternoon, then at three o'clock I shall begin to be happy. I shall feel happier and happier as the hour advances. At four o'clock, I shall already be worrying and jumping about. I shall show you how happy I am! But if you come at just any time, I shall never know at what hour my heart is to be ready to greet you... One must observe the proper rites..."
"What is a rite?"

asked the little prince.

"Those also are actions too often neglected,"

said the fox.

"They are what make one day different from other days, one hour different from other hours."

So the little prince tamed the fox.
And when the hour of his departure drew near –

"Ah,"

said the fox,

"I shall cry."
"It is your own fault,"

said the little prince.

"I never wished you any sort of harm; but you wanted me to tame you..."
"Yes, that is so,"

said the fox.

"But now you are going to cry!"

said the little prince.

"Yes, that is so,"

said the fox.

"Then it has done you no good at all!"
"It has done me good,"

said the fox,

"because of the color of the wheat fields." [...]

And he [the little prince] went back to meet the fox.

"Goodbye,"

he said.

"Goodbye,"

said the fox.

"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret:
It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye."
"What is essential is invisible to the eye,"

the little prince repeated, so that he would be sure to remember.

"It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important.
"It is the time I have wasted for my rose –",

said the little prince so he would be sure to remember.

"Men have forgotten this truth,"

said the fox.

"But you must not forget it.
You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.
You are responsible for your rose..."

 

Compliance to orders – Foes ⇔ friends

A king sent out his commander with a troop of soldiers to a foreign battle field.
His command to the general was:

Vanquish my foes!

 

After the general and the army had left the kingdom the regent had not received any news about what had resulted on the battle ground. After many months had passed the king, disquieted, sent out a scout to search for the commander and to report back.

 

On assumed war territory the scout came across a camp, out of which one could hear gay babble of voices. Coming closer he found the commander and his soldiers sitting together with the king's foes at a table and having a good time.

 

The scout took the commander in charge to task:

General, you have failed to execute the king's order!
Instead of eliminating your king's foes you are fraternizing with them.

 

The chided commander serenely replied:

Certainly, we have executed the king's command.
The enemy is vanquished AND we have made new friends!

 

To vanquish your enemies, make friends with them. Chinese proverb

Foundation for a friendship between science and religion

Here are some principal elements for the rapprochement between science and religion:

  1. Both science and religion make use of educated guesses to create theories, devise rules, and build models. Most scientific and religious models – including human identities (or self models) – are found wanting and must be revised or discarded.
  2. Human fallibility does not invalidate the process. One success (breakthrough), which may then spread via imitation (mimesis), makes up for countless failures.
  3. The alternative to religious, political, or scientific fundamentalism is not relativism nor obscurantism, it’s modeling.
  4. Both scientific and religious precepts ultimately rest on painstaking observation.
  5. The models of religion, politics, the arts, and the sciences are the DNA of civilization.
  6. Both science and religion can reduce suffering: science by alleviating material wants (e.g., hunger and disease), religion by cultivating virtues (e.g., kindness and compassion).
  7. Both religion and science sometimes cling stubbornly to their mistakes.
  8. The process of discovery (i.e. eureka, epiphany, revelation, awakening, enlightenment) is basically the same in all fields.
  9. Both scientists and religious leaders have sometimes self-servingly put institutional interests above the public interest. And both science and religion have produced leaders who’ve sacrificed themselves for truth, beauty, and justice.
  10. Science envisions that hunger, disease, and scarcity can be overcome. Religion harbors the hope that peace is attainable. Science and religion could both deliver on the dream of sufficiency and decency.

 

Source: ► Article by Robert W. Fuller, Ph.D. robertworksfuller.com (*1936) US American professor of physics,
college president, dignity and rankism researcher, lecturer, author, A Foundation for a Beautiful Friendship,
presented by US American bimonthly magazine Psychology Today, 16. July 2012

Simple and REAL friendship

* * *

Friends: Some Simple, Some Real

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
❄   A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names.
❄   A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
❄   A real friend comes early to help you cook and clean.

A simple friend hates it when you call after he has gone to bed.
❄   A real friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A simple friend seeks to talk with you about their problems.
❄   A real friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A simple friend wonders about your romantic history.
❄   A real friend could blackmail you with it.

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
❄   A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend thinks the friendship is over when you have an argument.
❄   A real friend knows that it's not a friendship until after you've had a fight.

A simple friend expects you to always be there for them.
❄   A real friend expects to always be there for you!

 

Anonymous

 

 

Links zum Thema Freundschaft / Friendship

Literatur

Externe Weblinks


External web links (engl.)


Carol Graham, researcher on the economics of happiness at Brookings Institution: "[Not surprisingly] those with more intelligence and the capacity to use it ... are less likely to spend so much time socializing because they are focused on some other longer term objective."

Audio- und Videolinks

Audio and video links (engl.)

Music links (engl.)

  • James Taylor, Carole King, You've got a friend, YouTube film, 4:05 minutes duration, posted 4. February 2008

 

Interne Links

Englisch Wiki

Hawkins

 

 

1 Nic. Ethik VIII 4

2 Nic. Ethics VIII 4

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